Views— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Start with a clear topic sentence, avoid filler words (e.g., "uh"), and keep responses concise (max 3–4 sentences). Add one specific reason and a brief example using linking words like "because" or "so" to improve coherence and naturalness. Also replace vague phrases ("a bit of a hassle") with precise descriptions.

例: I don't really enjoy taking photos of views because I prefer being present in the moment. For example, when I visit a scenic spot I focus on the atmosphere and sounds rather than stopping to frame shots, so I rarely carry my camera.

提案: Remove fillers and the casual ending "and all." Begin with a direct topic sentence, then give two specific supporting details joined with linking words (e.g., "because", "so", "for example"). Keep it within four sentences and use varied vocabulary (e.g., "tranquil," "scenery").

例: I prefer rural views because I enjoy natural and tranquil scenery such as mountains and rivers. For example, sunsets over fields help me relax and feel refreshed, so I often spend weekends in the countryside to breathe fresh air and unwind.

提案: Correct grammar and be specific. Start with a clear topic sentence, then give one or two precise reasons with linking words. Replace vague or incorrect phrases ("useful culture," "have a big mountains which is rivers and fields") with accurate descriptions such as "rich culture" and specific landscape features. Aim for 2–3 concise sentences.

例: I prefer views in my own country because Iran has a rich culture and diverse landscapes. For instance, the country has high mountain ranges and fertile valleys with rivers and fields, so I enjoy exploring familiar scenery and cultural sites.

× Plus I don't have a very good camera or phone so I find it a bit of a hassle to try and capture nice photos.

✓ Plus I don't have a very good camera or phone, so I find it a bit of a hassle to try to capture nice photos.

Incorrect verb form: 'to try and capture' is colloquial and not ideal in formal grammar; use 'to try to capture'. Also added a comma before 'so' to join independent clauses correctly.

× I always feel refreshed when I take photos of sunsets or just enjoy the fresh air in the countryside.

✓ I always feel refreshed when I take photos of sunsets or when I just enjoy the fresh air in the countryside.

Parallel structure: the sentence lists two actions connected by 'or' and the second lacked the parallel 'when' leading to awkward structure. Adding 'when' makes both parts parallel and clearer.

× I prefer views in my own country because Iran is very big and have a very useful culture and have a big mountains which is rivers and fields.

✓ I prefer views in my own country because Iran is very big, has a rich culture, and has large mountains, rivers, and fields.

Multiple subject-verb and noun errors: 'Iran' is singular and requires 'has' not 'have'. 'Useful culture' is inappropriate; 'rich culture' fits better. 'Big mountains' should be 'large mountains', and listing geographic features requires correct plurality and commas. Also adjusted word order for clarity and grammatical agreement.