Views— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and remove filler words (uh). Start with a clear topic sentence, then add one or two specific supporting details using linking words. Limit to 3–4 sentences and include a brief reason or example to make the answer more effective.

例: Yes, I enjoy photographing landscapes, especially when I visit hilly areas with snow-capped mountains and lush greenery. For example, I often take many photos and short videos on hikes, and later I edit them into reels to share with friends.

提案: This answer is contradictory and contains many fillers. First, decide whether you prefer urban or rural views and state it clearly. Use linking words to explain reasons and provide specific contrasts (e.g. mountains vs. skyscrapers). Keep it to 2–3 concise sentences.

例: I prefer rural views to urban ones because I love natural landscapes such as mountains and forests. In contrast, cities with tall buildings feel less peaceful to me, so I usually choose the countryside for photography.

提案: Give a direct answer then support it with a specific reason and one brief example. Avoid repetition and fillers. Mention a clear contrast between the two places and why your country’s views appeal more to you.

例: I prefer views in my home country, Pakistan, because I find its mountainous landscapes and natural scenery more appealing. For instance, I enjoy photographing the Himalayan foothills back home, even though Dubai has impressive modern architecture.

× 'I like to take picture whenever I go to some hilly areas, uh, with mountains full of snow or some lush greenery.'

✓ 'I like to take pictures whenever I go to hilly areas with mountains full of snow or lush greenery.'

'Picture' should be plural 'pictures' because the speaker refers to taking more than one photo habitually. Use plural nouns when speaking generally about multiple items; also remove unnecessary 'some' before plural nouns for natural phrasing.

× 'I like to take picture whenever I go to some hilly areas, uh, with mountains full of snow or some lush greenery.'

✓ 'I like to take pictures whenever I go to hilly areas with mountains full of snow or lush greenery.'

'To' after 'go' plus 'some hilly areas' is acceptable, but 'to some hilly areas' sounds odd when describing visiting such places generally. Use 'go to hilly areas' or simply 'go hiking in hilly areas.' Also remove redundant commas and filler words.

× 'I take a lot of pictures and videos there and, uh, whenever I'm free.'

✓ 'I take a lot of pictures and videos there whenever I'm free.'

'A lot of' is fine, but ensure sentence flow: keep 'pictures and videos' plural because multiple items are implied; remove unnecessary commas and fillers.

× 'So I edit those pictures and videos and make some beautiful reels.'

✓ 'So I edit those pictures and videos and make beautiful reels.'

'Some' before 'beautiful reels' is unnecessary and weakens the sentence. The structure is otherwise acceptable; removing 'some' makes the sentence more natural.

× 'So these things attracts me more than like cities having, uh, tall buildings and uh.'

✓ 'So these things attract me more than cities with tall buildings.'

'Things' is plural, so the verb must be 'attract' not 'attracts.' Also simplify 'cities having' to 'cities with' for correct and natural preposition use, and remove fillers.

× 'So these things attracts me more than like cities having, uh, tall buildings and uh.'

✓ 'So these things attract me more than cities with tall buildings.'

'Having' is awkward here; use 'with' to indicate that cities contain tall buildings. Also remove filler words for clarity.

× 'Currently I'm living in Dubai and Dubai is so much developed with tall buildings and beautiful roads.'

✓ 'Currently I'm living in Dubai, and Dubai is very developed with tall buildings and beautiful roads.'

'So much developed' is incorrect collocation. Use 'very developed' or 'highly developed.' Present continuous 'I'm living' is acceptable for temporary residence; add a comma before 'and' for readability.

× 'But uh, the thing which attracts me more is like natural, uh, landscape, uh, the beautiful mountains and uh, the landscape.'

✓ 'But what attracts me more is the natural landscape, especially the beautiful mountains.'

'The thing which' and 'is like' are wordy and informal. Replace with 'what attracts me more is' and use 'especially' to highlight mountains. Remove repeated 'landscape' and filler words to correct redundancy and improve sentence structure.