Museum— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Your answer lacks clarity and coherence. Try to give a clear topic sentence and support it with specific reasons using linking words. Avoid incomplete sentences and irrelevant phrases.

例: Yes, I think museums are very important because they preserve ancient artifacts and cultural heritage. Moreover, they help people learn about history and traditions, which is valuable for every country.

提案: Your answer is confusing and contains unclear words. Focus on directly answering the question with clear sentences and specific details. Use linking words to connect ideas logically.

例: My hometown is a small city, so there are not many museums here. Most museums are located in the capital city, Dakar. Unfortunately, some historical heritage sites have been damaged there.

提案: Your answer is unclear and repetitive. Try to give a direct answer first, then add supporting details with proper linking words. Keep sentences simple and coherent.

例: I do not visit museums very often. Usually, I go with my family during trips, maybe once every four or five years. We like to visit historical places and museums when we travel.

提案: Your answer has some good details but is a bit repetitive and lacks clear structure. Start with a clear topic sentence, then add specific details using linking words to improve coherence.

例: The last time I visited a museum was when I went to Dhaka for a presentation. After that, I asked my father to take me to a museum. There, I saw many ancient artifacts and cultural heritage items, which was very interesting.

× They should have visions.

✓ They should have a vision.

The original sentence uses 'visions' which is plural and abstract in this context. The correct phrase is 'have a vision' meaning a clear idea or goal. This is a sentence structure and word choice issue.

× Who's there.

✓ Who is there?

The sentence 'Who's there.' is incomplete and lacks proper punctuation. It should be a question 'Who is there?' to make sense in context.

× You can store many ancient things and many ancient types of.

✓ You can store many ancient things and many types of ancient artifacts.

The original sentence ends abruptly with 'many ancient types of.' which is incomplete. The correction completes the thought by specifying 'types of ancient artifacts' to make the sentence meaningful.

× My phone is a small city and we only have museums in our capital, which is in Dakar and they have destroyed so many, uh, historical, uh, Qatar heritages, intelligent things.

✓ My hometown is a small city and we only have museums in our capital, which is Dakar, and they have destroyed so many historical cultural heritages and valuable things.

The original sentence has 'My phone' instead of 'My hometown' and 'Qatar heritages' which seems incorrect. Also, 'heritages' should be 'heritage' as an uncountable noun. The correction fixes these errors and improves clarity.

× Necessarily sometimes it's going with family for a true or for a trip, then then it will it will likely happen every 4-5, four years after we go to a place where we see museums where go you go to your place.

✓ Sometimes I go with my family for a tour or a trip, and it usually happens every 4-5 years when we visit places with museums.

The original sentence is confusing and has redundant words. The correction simplifies and clarifies the meaning, fixing sentence structure errors.

× So we go to a place for historical places that we often not often.

✓ So we often go to historical places.

The original sentence is awkward and redundant. The correction simplifies the sentence to convey the intended meaning clearly.

× I visit the museum when I went to Dhaka for the presentation.

✓ I visited the museum when I went to Dhaka for the presentation.

The sentence mixes present tense 'visit' with past tense 'went'. Both verbs should be in past tense to maintain consistency.

× That time, after coming from the hospital, I told my father to go just go to a museum.

✓ At that time, after coming from the hospital, I told my father to just go to a museum.

The original sentence has awkward word order and repetition. The correction improves sentence structure and clarity.

× Then he took me to the museum and there was so, so many historical things, ancient, ancient types of things and cultural heritage.

✓ Then he took me to the museum where there were many historical, ancient artifacts and cultural heritage items.

The original sentence repeats words and is awkward. The correction improves sentence structure and word choice for clarity.