Museum— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Your answer is somewhat unclear and lacks coherence. Try to give a direct opinion first, then support it with clear reasons using linking words. Avoid vague phrases like 'it really depends' without explanation.

例: Yes, I think museums are very important because they help people learn about the history and culture of different societies. For example, museums preserve artifacts that tell stories about our past, which can educate and inspire visitors.

提案: Your answer is unclear and contains many hesitations and incomplete sentences. Try to organize your answer with a clear topic sentence, then add specific details using linking words. Avoid filler sounds like 'uh'.

例: Yes, there are several museums in my hometown. For instance, we have the National Museum and the Amateurs Museum, which showcase important national artifacts and cultural heritage.

提案: Your answer is relevant but incomplete and lacks linking words. Try to complete your sentences and connect ideas logically. Also, provide more specific details about your visits.

例: I don't visit museums often; in fact, I have only been twice. The first time was during primary school with my teacher, and the second time was with my family when we saw the exhibit about the Golden Man, which was very interesting.

提案: Your answer is too long and confusing. Try to give a clear topic sentence about when you last visited, then add specific details using linking words. Avoid run-on sentences and unclear references.

例: The last time I visited a museum was recently with my family. We saw the exhibit about the Golden Man, a legendary figure in Kazakhstan known for his bravery in battle, which made the visit very memorable.

× In my opinion, museums are important to people who want know about history of other cultures or their cultures and it really depends.

✓ In my opinion, museums are important to people who want to know about the history of other cultures or their own cultures, and it really depends.

The verb 'want' should be followed by the infinitive form 'to know'. Also, 'history' requires the definite article 'the' when referring to a specific history. Adding 'own' clarifies 'their cultures'. The sentence also needs a comma before 'and' to separate clauses.

× Yeah, in my hometown named as amateur, we have UH-2 great museums, first National Museum and also amateurs museum.

✓ Yeah, in my hometown named Amateur, we have two great museums: the First National Museum and also the Amateurs Museum.

The phrase 'named as amateur' is incorrect; it should be 'named Amateur'. 'UH-2' seems to be a mishearing or typo for 'two'. Proper nouns like museum names should be capitalized and preceded by the definite article 'the'. A colon is used to introduce the list.

× Uh, they are so important because they have a, such a great national, uh, structures such as.

✓ Uh, they are so important because they have such great national structures.

The phrase 'a, such a great national, uh, structures' is incorrect. 'Structures' is plural, so 'a' should be removed. 'Such' is used correctly but should be followed directly by the plural noun without 'a'. The sentence is incomplete and should end properly.

× To be honest, I visited museums only twice.

✓ To be honest, I have visited museums only twice.

When referring to experiences up to the present, the present perfect tense 'have visited' is more appropriate than simple past 'visited'.

× First was when I was in the third class, it was with my teacher and second time was with my family and it was a great opportunity to visit the golden person who is.

✓ The first time was when I was in the third grade; it was with my teacher, and the second time was with my family. It was a great opportunity to see the Golden Man.

The sentence needs articles 'the' before 'first' and 'second time'. 'Third class' is better expressed as 'third grade'. The phrase 'visit the golden person who is' is incomplete and unclear; 'see the Golden Man' is a proper noun referring to a famous exhibit. The sentence is split for clarity.

× As I said last time was with my family and it was a great opportunity to see golden person who is a legend in Kazakhstan about person who was like knight and it just attacked 100 people and stay alive, but it was only one in this battle.

✓ As I said, the last time was with my family, and it was a great opportunity to see the Golden Man, who is a legend in Kazakhstan. He was like a knight who fought against 100 people and stayed alive, but he was the only one in this battle.

The sentence is long and confusing; it needs commas and splitting for clarity. 'Golden person' should be 'Golden Man'. 'Stay alive' should be past tense 'stayed alive' to match the past narrative. 'It just attacked' is incorrect; 'he fought against' is better. 'Only one' should be 'the only one'. Articles 'the' are needed before 'last time' and 'Golden Man'.