Singing— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: 语法和措辞需更准确，表达要更自然并控制篇幅在五句内。回答应直接给出主题句（如“Yes, I enjoy singing because…”），接着用一到两个简短具体细节支持理由，并使用连接词（because / so / and）保持连贯。注意发音（如 singing 而非 saying）和省略多余的重复词汇。

例: Yes, I enjoy singing because it helps me express my emotions. For example, when I sing rock songs I feel energized and confident, and the music gives me a sense of power. I also use my body language to convey feeling, which makes performing more satisfying.

提案: 内容基本清晰，但句子需更流畅且信息更具体。先给直接回答，然后用一两句说明时间、时长和目的，避免重复词（如“to to”），并使用连词（when / so / because）使条理清楚。

例: Yes, I have. When I was in senior high school I took a one-month intensive singing course to prepare for a professional arts examination. During that time I practiced breathing techniques and vocal exercises every day.

提案: 回答不够直接且语法错误较多。应先明确立场（例如“I usually sing for myself”或“I'd sing for a small audience”），然后用一两句说明原因和情境，使用连接词（because / so）并避免自相矛盾的表述。将“internal”替换为更常用的表达（introverted / private）。

例: I usually sing for myself because I am quite introverted and prefer practicing alone. Occasionally I perform for a small group of friends to get feedback and improve my singing skills.

提案: 观点明确但表达混乱且含糊。先给肯定的主题句，然后用具体理由和例子支持（e.g. it can lift mood, reduce stress, bring people together），避免抽象或不相关的比喻（如“space universe”）。保持句子简短且连贯。

例: Yes, I believe singing brings happiness because music can lift people's moods and reduce stress. For instance, a cheerful song can make someone smile, and singing together can strengthen friendships and create a sense of belonging.

× Yes, I do like saying because I think same thing can express my feelings of, uh, emotional things and through my voice and body and it I really love the rock song so I can get energy and power through my through the person.

✓ Yes, I do like singing because I think the same thing can express my emotions through my voice and body. I really love rock songs, so I can get energy and power from them.

句子中“saying”应为动名词“singing”，表示喜欢唱歌。此外语序和用词混乱：将“same thing”前加定冠词“the same thing”，并用“express my emotions”替代冗长的表达。将“the rock song”改为复数“rock songs”更自然，且“get energy and power through the person”不合逻辑，改为“get energy and power from them（从歌曲中获得）”。这些修改属于动词 -ing 形式和复数、代词使用及句子结构问题。

× Yes I have. When I was a Senior High student I got a one month training for the specific music lessons to to pass the professional art examination. So that period.

✓ Yes, I have. When I was a senior high school student, I had one month of training in specific music lessons to pass the professional art examination.

原句中时态和词语搭配不自然：用“got a one month training”不地道，应使用过去完成或一般过去“had one month of training”。“Senior High student”改为“senior high school student”。去掉多余的“to”。短句“So that period.”不完整，应删除或合并。主要问题为过去时表达和句子结构。

× Oh well, I'm a kind of person who are very internal, so I don't very much sure about that.

✓ Oh well, I'm the kind of person who is very introverted, so I'm not very sure about that.

主谓一致：关系代词who代表单数“the kind”，因此谓语应为单数“is”而不是“are”。另外“internal”用法不当，应改为“introverted（内向）”。“I don't very much sure”语法错误，正确表达为“I'm not very sure”。这些属于主谓一致与形容词、助动词搭配错误。

× I I could sing from the public in front of the public. So I think I would sing for myself and training music singing skills myself.

✓ I could sing in public, but I think I would sing for myself and train my singing skills.

原句重复且结构混乱：“sing from the public in front of the public”不正确，应为“sing in public”。后半句时态与动词形式错误，“training music singing skills myself”应改为动词不定式或并列动词“train my singing skills”。这是句子结构和动词形式问题。

× Yes of course, I think voice especially umm same with lyrics or not is the voice from the space universe that would enjoy people whenever the world becomes and it really helps people to.

✓ Yes, of course. I think the voice, especially with the lyrics, can come from the universe and bring people enjoyment whatever happens in the world, and it really helps people.

原句代词和指代不清：“same with lyrics or not”表达混乱，改为“especially with the lyrics”。“is the voice from the space universe that would enjoy people”语序和代词错误，应改为“can come from the universe and bring people enjoyment”。句尾“helps people to.”不完整，需补全为“helps people”。主要问题为代词与指代不明、句子不完整。