Singing— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Your answer is natural and shows your feelings well, but you should avoid redundancy and improve coherence by using linking words. Also, try to keep your answer within 5 sentences and clarify the last point about stopping studio visits more smoothly.

例: Yes, I like singing because it makes me happy and reminds me of my childhood. I feel like a superstar whenever I sing, so it's very enjoyable. However, I stopped going to the studio because it was too expensive, but I still sing at home for fun.

提案: Your answer is relevant but could be more structured and clear. Use linking words to connect ideas and avoid vague phrases like 'I will attend that'. Also, try to expand with specific details about your learning experience or dreams.

例: Yes, I learned how to sing in secondary school, where I also played some musical instruments. It was a lot of fun, and I dreamed of becoming a full-time musician. Even now, I still hope to pursue that dream in the future.

提案: Your answer has good ideas but lacks clarity and coherence. Avoid incomplete sentences and use linking words to connect your points logically. Be more specific and concise to express your thoughts clearly.

例: I would love to sing for my husband because it would be a fun way to show my love. Also, when I have children, I want to inspire them by sharing my talent, encouraging them to sing and appreciate the arts.

提案: Your answer is clear and relevant, but you can improve coherence by using linking words and avoid repeating similar ideas. Try to be more concise and use varied vocabulary to express your points.

例: Definitely, singing can bring happiness to people because music helps lift their spirits. For example, when I feel down, listening to music cheers me up and makes me feel much better.

× Although I stopped going to the studio because of its expense.

✓ I stopped going to the studio because of its expense.

The sentence begins with 'Although' but lacks a main clause to complete the contrast, making it a sentence fragment. Removing 'Although' corrects the sentence structure.

× Yes, I did learn how to sing in my secondary school where I also learned how to play some musical instruments.

✓ Yes, I learned how to sing in my secondary school where I also learned how to play some musical instruments.

The phrase 'did learn' is grammatically correct but unnecessary here; simple past tense 'learned' is more natural and appropriate.

× It's still part of my dreams and I will attend that.

✓ It's still part of my dreams and I will pursue it.

The phrase 'I will attend that' is unclear and awkward. 'Pursue it' better expresses continuing to follow a dream, improving sentence clarity and structure.

× I just want.

✓ I just want that.

The sentence 'I just want.' is incomplete and lacks an object, making it a sentence fragment. Adding 'that' completes the thought.

× They will become so famous and full of talents.

✓ They will become very famous and full of talent.

'So' is informal and less precise than 'very' in this context. Also, 'talent' is an uncountable noun here, so 'full of talent' is correct instead of 'full of talents'.

× I can use myself for an example.

✓ I can use myself as an example.

The correct preposition in this phrase is 'as' not 'for'. 'Use myself as an example' is the standard expression.

× the moment I listen to music I feel very, very lightened up.

✓ the moment I listen to music I feel very, very lightened.

'Lightened up' is a phrasal verb meaning to become less serious, but here 'lightened' alone is more appropriate to express feeling uplifted. Alternatively, 'lightened up' can be used but should be consistent with context.