Singing— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Try to make your answer more natural and concise by avoiding repetition and adding a clear topic sentence. For example, start with a direct response and then explain your feelings about singing.

例: I don't sing very well myself, but I really enjoy listening to people with beautiful voices because it’s inspiring and uplifting.

提案: Focus on clarity and structure by avoiding filler words and repetitions. Use linking words to connect ideas logically and provide specific details about your experience.

例: Yes, when I was in elementary school, my parents enrolled me in a short-term singing course. However, I didn’t develop much skill, so I eventually stopped taking lessons.

提案: Make your answer more complete by starting with a clear topic sentence and adding reasons with linking words to explain your preference.

例: I prefer to sing in front of my friends because I feel more confident around people who already know me, which helps me relax and enjoy the moment.

提案: Avoid repetition and improve coherence by using linking words. Also, be more specific about how singing or music affects happiness.

例: Yes, I believe singing brings happiness because, for me, listening to music every morning before work or exercise lifts my mood and energises me for the day ahead.

× I cannot really sing actually, but I I love hearing people who have a good voice and they can actually sing.

✓ I cannot really sing actually, but I love hearing people who have a good voice and can actually sing.

The sentence contains a repeated word 'I' which is a conjunction error causing redundancy. Removing the extra 'I' improves clarity and correctness.

× Ah yes, I remember when I was in elementary school my mom and dad like admission into a like a like a short term school of singing to learn about singing.

✓ Ah yes, I remember when I was in elementary school my mom and dad got me admission into a short-term school of singing to learn about singing.

The phrase 'like admission into a like a like a' is incorrect and unclear. The verb 'like' is misused here; the correct past tense verb 'got' should be used to indicate the action of obtaining admission. Also, 'short term' should be hyphenated as 'short-term' when used as an adjective.

× But I don't have the expertise in seeing so that's why I stop.

✓ But I don't have the expertise in singing so that's why I stopped.

The word 'seeing' is a typo and should be 'singing'. Also, the verb 'stop' should be in past tense 'stopped' to match the past context of the sentence.

× Probably just singing in front of my friends because I got more confidence if I sing in front of people who already know.

✓ Probably just singing in front of my friends because I have more confidence if I sing in front of people who already know me.

The phrase 'I got more confidence' is informal and incorrect in this context; 'I have more confidence' is appropriate. Also, adding 'me' after 'people who already know' clarifies the meaning.

× Yes, I really think singing will bring happiness to people because it happens to me too every morning.

✓ Yes, I really think singing brings happiness to people because it happens to me too every morning.

The phrase 'will bring' is future tense but the context suggests a habitual action, so present tense 'brings' is more appropriate. The rest of the sentence is correct.

× In the morning before I start doing everything work or or just exercising, I always listen to music Spotify through Spotify.

✓ In the morning before I start doing all my work or just exercising, I always listen to music on Spotify.

The phrase 'doing everything work' is incorrect; 'doing all my work' is correct. Also, 'listen to music Spotify through Spotify' is awkward; the correct preposition is 'on Spotify'. Removing the repeated 'or' improves clarity.