Singing— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Try to make your answer more natural and concise by avoiding redundancy. Start with a clear topic sentence directly answering the question, then add specific reasons or examples using linking words to improve coherence.

例: I don't really like singing because I don't have a good voice. For instance, when I try to sing, I feel shy and lose confidence, so I avoid singing in front of others.

提案: Use clearer vocabulary and avoid unclear words like 'brutal course'. Also, structure your answer with a clear topic sentence and supporting details linked logically.

例: Yes, I took singing lessons at school, but I stopped after a short time because I lacked confidence in my voice and didn't practice enough.

提案: Your answer is good but could be improved by adding linking words to connect ideas smoothly and by slightly expanding with more specific details.

例: I like singing for my son Sama, especially when he wants to fall asleep because it helps him relax. Even though I don't sing in public, I enjoy these special moments with him at home.

提案: Focus on clear sentence structure and correct grammar. Use linking words properly and avoid confusing phrases. Provide specific examples to support your opinion.

例: I believe singing brings happiness to many people. For example, singing with friends at celebrations creates joyful moments and helps people feel closer to each other.

× For example, when I try to sing, I didn't feel confident and that makes me not want to sing often.

✓ For example, when I tried to sing, I didn't feel confident and that made me not want to sing often.

The sentence mixes present tense 'try' with past tense 'didn't feel'. To maintain consistent past tense, 'try' should be changed to 'tried' and 'makes' to 'made'. This ensures the sentence correctly reflects past events.

× I took part in a brutal course.

✓ I took part in a vocal course.

The adjective 'brutal' is incorrect in this context. The intended meaning is likely related to singing, so 'vocal' is the appropriate adjective to describe a singing course.

× I decided to stop attending the classes after a short time.

✓ I decided to stop attending classes after a short time.

The definite article 'the' before 'classes' is unnecessary here because the classes are not specified. Removing 'the' makes the sentence more natural.

× People I believe that why not everyone enjoys singing or being a musician.

✓ I believe that not everyone enjoys singing or being a musician.

The original sentence has incorrect word order and unnecessary pronouns. Removing 'People' and rearranging the sentence clarifies the meaning.

× Singing can create joyful and memorable moments without it's performed a alone or with a bus for example, singing with friends or at celebrations.

✓ Singing can create joyful and memorable moments whether it's performed alone or with a group, for example, singing with friends or at celebrations.

The phrase 'without it's performed a alone or with a bus' is grammatically incorrect and unclear. It should be corrected to 'whether it's performed alone or with a group' to convey the intended meaning clearly.