Singing— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Try to avoid repetition and unclear phrases. Use clearer and more natural expressions, and keep your answer concise within 5 sentences. For example, avoid repeating words like 'well well' and phrases like 'on top of my lung' which are incorrect. Instead, express your feelings clearly and naturally.

例: I don't enjoy singing very much because I'm not confident in my voice and it often cracks. However, when I feel really happy, I like to sing out loud to express my joy.

提案: Avoid awkward phrasing and unclear expressions. Use linking words to connect ideas logically. Also, clarify your points and avoid vague phrases like 'at the service'. Keep your answer natural and concise.

例: I haven't had formal singing lessons, but during compulsory music classes at school, we often sang children's songs. These lessons helped me develop a basic understanding of singing, although I didn't pursue it further.

提案: Be careful with grammar and sentence structure. Use linking words to connect your ideas smoothly. For example, say 'when they have parties' instead of 'when they parties'. Also, try to be more specific about the occasions.

例: I would love to sing for my close friends and family, especially during special occasions such as parties or family gatherings. Singing for them makes these moments more memorable and helps me express my appreciation and affection.

提案: Avoid incomplete sentences and unclear phrases. Use correct grammar and complete your thoughts. Provide specific examples to support your answer. Use linking words to make your answer coherent.

例: Yes, definitely. I believe singing can bring happiness to people because it expresses emotions and creates connections. For example, many songs are written for special occasions like weddings or celebrations, which bring joy to everyone involved.

× Well well I don't enjoy singing very much because I'm not a good singer and my voice O my voice often cracks.

✓ Well, I don't enjoy singing very much because I'm not a good singer and my voice often cracks.

The phrase 'Well well' is redundant and awkward. A single 'Well' is sufficient as an interjection to start the sentence. Removing the repeated word improves clarity and fluency.

× However, whenever I feel really happy, I will like to sing out loud but on top of my lung to express my joys.

✓ However, whenever I feel really happy, I would like to sing out loud at the top of my lungs to express my joy.

The phrase 'on top of my lung' is incorrect; the correct idiom is 'at the top of my lungs'. Also, 'will like' is incorrect modal usage here; 'would like' is appropriate to express desire. 'Joys' should be singular 'joy' to express a general feeling.

× Well, I hadn't had the opportunity to learn singing formally.

✓ Well, I haven't had the opportunity to learn singing formally.

The past perfect tense 'hadn't had' is inappropriate here because the sentence refers to an experience up to the present. Present perfect 'haven't had' correctly indicates that the opportunity has not occurred until now.

× although I enjoyed the lessons and never pursued singing at the service.

✓ although I enjoyed the lessons and never pursued singing further.

The phrase 'at the service' is incorrect and unclear in this context. The intended meaning is likely 'beyond that' or 'further'. Replacing it with 'further' clarifies the meaning.

× especially during special occasions like when they parties or family gatherings.

✓ especially during special occasions like parties or family gatherings.

The phrase 'they parties' is incorrect; 'they' is unnecessary and causes a plural pronoun error. Removing 'they' corrects the sentence.

× I believe singing you're meant to bring happiness to the other people, and it's also a powerful tool to express the connection and emotion.

✓ I believe singing is meant to bring happiness to other people, and it's also a powerful tool to express connection and emotion.

The phrase 'singing you're meant' is incorrect; 'you're' (you are) is not appropriate here. The correct form is 'singing is meant'. Also, 'the other people' is better as 'other people' without 'the'. 'The connection and emotion' is better as 'connection and emotion' to generalise the concepts.