Singing— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Your answer is somewhat unclear and contains grammatical errors, such as 'relate the stress' instead of 'relieve the stress' and 'strengthens my branches' which seems incorrect. Also, avoid redundancy like 'helps helps me with us.' Try to make your sentences clearer and more concise, and use appropriate vocabulary. For example, say 'Singing helps me relieve the stress of a busy day' and 'Singing together strengthens our friendship.'

例: Yes, I really enjoy singing because it helps me relieve the stress of a busy day. For example, I often invite my friends to go to karaoke, which is a popular activity in my country. Singing together not only helps us relax but also strengthens our friendship.

提案: Your answer is generally clear but contains some grammatical mistakes and awkward phrasing, such as 'I'm not really a professionally in music' which should be 'I'm not really a professional in music.' Also, avoid filler phrases like 'You know' and try to be more concise. Use linking words to connect ideas smoothly.

例: Well, to be honest, I've never formally learned how to sing because I'm not a professional musician. However, I did learn to play the piano for about two years. When it comes to singing, I just do it for fun without worrying too much about how I sound.

提案: Your answer has good content but some sentences are unclear or grammatically incorrect, such as 'The best person that would want to sing for is my mother' which should be 'The person I most want to sing for is my mother.' Also, avoid short, fragmented sentences like 'I remember right.' Try to use linking words to make your answer more coherent.

例: The person I most want to sing for is my mother. I remember singing for her at my kindergarten graduation, which was a very touching and unforgettable moment. Singing for her made me feel happy because she has always supported me.

提案: Your answer shows good ideas but contains many grammatical errors and unclear phrases, such as 'go a feel more cheerful and blast' and 'mates my days much better.' Try to use clear and correct expressions. Also, avoid repeating words like 'Yes, yes definitely.' Use linking words to connect your ideas logically.

例: Yes, definitely. I believe singing can bring a lot of happiness to people because it helps them express their feelings and emotions. For example, when I sing or listen to music, I feel more cheerful and relaxed, which really improves my mood and makes my days better.

× Yes, I really enjoy singing because I find it a good way to relate the stress of a busy day.

✓ Yes, I really enjoy singing because I find it a good way to relieve the stress of a busy day.

The verb 'relate' is incorrect in this context; the correct verb is 'relieve' which means to reduce or remove stress. 'Relate' means to tell or connect, which does not fit here.

× For example, I prefer I often invite my friends to go to a karaoke, which is the popular activity in my country.

✓ For example, I often invite my friends to go to karaoke, which is a popular activity in my country.

The phrase 'I prefer I often invite' is incorrect and redundant; 'I often invite' suffices. Also, 'a karaoke' is incorrect because 'karaoke' is an uncountable noun here, so no article is needed. 'The popular activity' should be 'a popular activity' because it is one among many.

× Singing together not only helps helps me with us but also strengthens my branches.

✓ Singing together not only helps us but also strengthens my bonds.

The phrase 'helps helps me with us' is incorrect and redundant; it should be 'helps us'. Also, 'strengthens my branches' is incorrect; the intended word is likely 'bonds', meaning relationships.

× Well, to be honest, I've never formally learned how to sing.

✓ Well, to be honest, I've never formally learnt how to sing.

Both 'learned' and 'learnt' are past participles of 'learn'. 'Learnt' is more common in British English, which may be preferred here. However, this is optional and not a strict error.

× You know, I'm not really a professionally in music.

✓ You know, I'm not really a professional in music.

'Professionally' is an adverb, but here an adjective 'professional' is needed to describe the noun 'I'. Using the adverb is incorrect.

× I did learn to play the piano for about two years, but when it comes to singing, I should just sing for fun without worrying too much about whether I sound good or not.

✓ I did learn to play the piano for about two years, but when it comes to singing, I just sing for fun without worrying too much about whether I sound good or not.

'Should' is a modal verb indicating obligation or advice, which is not appropriate here. The sentence expresses a habitual action or preference, so 'I just sing' is better.

× The best person that would want to sing for is my mother.

✓ The best person I would want to sing for is my mother.

'That' is incorrect here; the relative pronoun 'who' or the clause 'I would want to sing for' is needed. The sentence needs a subject for 'would want', so 'I' is necessary.

× I remember right.

✓ I remember correctly.

'Right' is an adjective or adverb but not commonly used alone to mean 'correctly' in this context. 'Correctly' is the proper adverb to modify 'remember'. Alternatively, 'I remember it right' could be used.

× I sing for her at my kindergarten graduation and it was very touching and unforgettable moment.

✓ I sang for her at my kindergarten graduation and it was a very touching and unforgettable moment.

The action happened in the past, so the past tense 'sang' is required instead of 'sing'. Also, 'unforgettable moment' needs the article 'a' before it.

× Singing for her made me feel happy because she has always supported me.

✓ Singing for her made me feel happy because she has always supported me.

This sentence is correct as is; no correction needed.

× Yes, yes definitely.

✓ Yes, definitely.

The repetition 'Yes, yes' is informal and redundant; 'Yes, definitely' is clearer and more appropriate.

× I believe singing can bring a lot of happiness to people because it helps them express their feelings and emotions.

✓ I believe singing can bring a lot of happiness to people because it helps them express their feelings and emotions.

This sentence is correct as is; no correction needed.

× For example, when I sing or listen to music go a feel more cheerful and blast which really impress my mood and mates my days much better.

✓ For example, when I sing or listen to music, I feel more cheerful and relaxed, which really improves my mood and makes my days much better.

The original sentence has multiple errors: 'go a feel' is incorrect; it should be 'I feel'. 'Blast' is incorrect here; 'relaxed' or 'happy' fits better. 'Impress my mood' is incorrect; 'improves my mood' is correct. 'Mates my days' is incorrect; 'makes my days' is correct. Also, commas are needed for clarity.