Singing— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Your answer shows enthusiasm but lacks clarity and contains grammatical errors. Try to directly answer the question with a clear topic sentence, avoid redundancy, and use correct grammar. Also, keep your answer concise and natural.

例: Yes, I really enjoy singing because it allows me to express my emotions and the melodies often transport me to a peaceful, dreamlike place.

提案: Your answer is somewhat unclear and contains vocabulary mistakes (e.g., 'rhizomes' instead of 'rhythms'). Make sure to use accurate vocabulary and structure your answer with a clear topic sentence followed by supporting details using linking words.

例: Yes, I joined a choir where the teacher taught us how to sing beautifully and harmoniously. Moreover, being in the choir helped me make many new friends.

提案: Your answer is confusing and has grammatical errors. Try to clearly state your main idea first, then support it with reasons. Use linking words to connect your ideas and avoid redundancy.

例: I don't have a specific person to sing for; I usually sing for myself because it helps me feel peaceful and brings back beautiful memories.

提案: Your answer has good ideas but needs clearer expression and better grammar. Use linking words to connect your points and be more specific in your explanation.

例: Yes, definitely. I believe every song holds special memories, and when you listen to a song, it can remind you of certain people and moments, preserving happiness associated with those memories.

× Yeah, I love Same because it just can express my emotion and the rhyme is so good and it can bring people to the to their dreaming place.

✓ Yeah, I love singing because it can express my emotions, the rhyme is so good, and it can bring people to their dreaming place.

The original sentence incorrectly uses 'Same' instead of the gerund 'singing' to express the activity. Using the gerund form 'singing' correctly functions as a noun here. Also, 'emotion' should be plural 'emotions' to match the context. The phrase 'just can express' is better as 'can express' for naturalness.

× Yeah, I was joined in a chorus.

✓ Yeah, I joined a chorus.

The phrase 'was joined' is passive and incorrect here because the student is the subject performing the action. The correct past tense active form is 'I joined a chorus.'

× The teacher told us how to sing peacefully and beautifully.

✓ The teacher taught us how to sing peacefully and beautifully.

The verb 'told' is not appropriate with 'how to sing' in this context. 'Taught' is the correct verb to indicate instruction or teaching.

× But also the chorus brought me to many friends, not only just about beautiful rhizomes and melodies.

✓ But also the chorus brought me many friends, not just beautiful rhymes and melodies.

The phrase 'brought me to many friends' is incorrect; it should be 'brought me many friends.' Also, 'rhizomes' is a misspelling; the correct word is 'rhymes.' The phrase 'not only just about' is redundant; 'not just' suffices.

× There's no exact person I want to sing for, but just for me I guess because I think sing a song is not satisfied others but yourself because seeing can bring oneself peaceful and beautiful memory.

✓ There is no exact person I want to sing for, but just for myself, I guess, because I think singing a song is not to satisfy others but yourself, as singing can bring peaceful and beautiful memories.

The sentence has multiple issues: 'There's' is acceptable but 'There is' is clearer. 'Just for me' should be 'just for myself' to use the correct reflexive pronoun. 'I think sing a song is not satisfied others' is incorrect; it should be 'I think singing a song is not to satisfy others.' 'Seeing' is a typo for 'singing.' 'Memory' should be plural 'memories' to match the context.

× Yeah, obviously big.

✓ Yeah, obviously a lot.

The phrase 'obviously big' is incorrect in this context. 'Big' is an adjective and does not fit here. The intended meaning is likely 'a lot' or 'very much,' which correctly expresses degree.

× When you listen to the song, it can bring you to a specific person and memories and it can also keep the happiness in the songs.

✓ When you listen to a song, it can bring you to a specific person and memories, and it can also keep the happiness in the song.

The phrase 'the song' should be 'a song' to generalize. 'Happiness in the songs' should be 'happiness in the song' to maintain singular consistency. Also, adding a comma before 'and it can also' improves clarity.