Chocolate— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Try to make your answer more natural and clear by avoiding filler words like 'uh' and redundant phrases. Start with a clear topic sentence, then add specific reasons or examples using linking words to make your answer coherent.

例: I don't usually like eating chocolate because it is unhealthy. However, I sometimes eat it when someone gifts it to me, especially on special occasions.

提案: Avoid filler words and unclear phrases. Use linking words to connect ideas and be specific about frequency and reasons.

例: I rarely eat chocolate because it has a lot of sugar, which is unhealthy. However, I eat a little on special occasions or when someone offers it to me.

提案: Focus on clear sentence structure and avoid repetition. Use linking words to explain your childhood habits with specific examples.

例: Yes, chocolate was my favourite when I was a child. I used to ask my parents for it often, and their friends would also give me chocolate as gifts.

提案: Improve grammar and sentence flow by using linking words. Provide clear reasons with examples to support your answer.

例: Chocolate is popular worldwide because its taste is very tempting, especially for children. Moreover, young people often give chocolate as a symbol of love, which increases its popularity.

提案: Make your answer more coherent by using linking words and complete sentences. Avoid short, disconnected phrases.

例: My favourite flavour is dark chocolate because its rich taste is very tempting. Whenever I eat it, I forget my worries and enjoy the moment fully.

提案: Avoid filler words and improve sentence structure. Use linking words to connect ideas and explain your opinion clearly.

例: Yes, I think chocolate is a good gift because children and young people prefer it. Giving chocolate shows love and affection towards the person.

× I don't like to eat chocolate because it's not good for health.

✓ I don't like eating chocolate because it's not good for health.

In English, after verbs like 'like', the gerund form (verb + -ing) is commonly used to express general preferences. So, 'like eating' is more natural than 'like to eat' in this context.

× Uh but yes, sometimes so it in my brain or it someone who gifted me.

✓ Uh, but yes, sometimes it is in my brain or someone gifts me chocolate.

The original sentence has unclear pronoun usage and missing verbs. 'It' should refer clearly, and 'someone who gifted me' should be rephrased to 'someone gifts me chocolate' for clarity and correct grammar.

× Occasionally I eat chocolate but generally this is not good for health.

✓ Occasionally, I eat chocolate but generally it is not good for health.

The pronoun 'this' is vague here; 'it' correctly refers to chocolate as a general subject. Also, a comma after 'Occasionally' improves readability.

× Uh, when someone gives me or in special occasion, uh, I cannot uh, decline to eat in from my off.

✓ Uh, when someone gives me chocolate or on special occasions, I cannot decline to eat it.

The preposition 'in' is incorrect; 'on' is used with 'special occasions'. Also, 'eat in from my off' is unclear and corrected to 'eat it' for clarity.

× So that moment I eat a few bites, I take a few.

✓ At that moment, I eat a few bites.

The phrase 'I take a few' is redundant and unclear. 'At that moment' is the correct expression to indicate the time.

× Yes, in my childhood chocolate is my favorite and always demanding.

✓ Yes, in my childhood, chocolate was my favorite and I was always demanding it.

'Chocolate' is singular and 'favorite' is an adjective here. Also, 'always demanding' needs a subject and object; adding 'I was' and 'it' clarifies the sentence.

× My parents friends who are near give me chocolate.

✓ My parents' friends who are nearby gave me chocolate.

Possessive apostrophe is needed in 'parents''. 'Nearby' is the correct adjective. Also, past tense 'gave' fits the context of childhood.

× I was dying for a chocolate and my parents always give me whenever going out chocolate that I was enjoying at.

✓ I was dying for chocolate and my parents always gave me chocolate whenever we went out, which I enjoyed.

Past tense verbs 'gave' and 'went' are needed for past events. The sentence structure is corrected for clarity and grammar.

× Chocolate is more popular in young generation and kids because taste are so tempting.

✓ Chocolate is more popular among the young generation and kids because the taste is so tempting.

'Young generation' needs 'the' and 'among' is the correct preposition. 'Taste' is singular, so 'is' is used instead of 'are'.

× Kids cannot resist and youths consider it as a symbol of love.

✓ Kids cannot resist it and youths consider it a symbol of love.

The pronoun 'it' is needed after 'cannot resist' to specify what cannot be resisted. Also, 'consider it as' should be 'consider it' without 'as'.

× They always give it as gift to their love as so it is more popular.

✓ They always give it as a gift to their loved ones, so it is more popular.

'Gift' needs the article 'a'. 'Their love' is unclear; 'their loved ones' is more appropriate. 'As so' is incorrect; 'so' alone is sufficient.

× I like dark chocolate more than other because it's taste is so tempting

✓ I like dark chocolate more than others because its taste is so tempting.

'Other' should be plural 'others' when comparing. 'It's' is a contraction for 'it is'; the possessive pronoun 'its' is correct here.

× I cannot think anything will add.

✓ I cannot think of anything to add.

The phrase 'think anything will add' is incorrect. The correct expression is 'think of anything to add'.

× Took a bite.

✓ When I take a bite,

The original is a fragment without a subject. Adding 'When I take a bite,' completes the sentence structure.

× I just forget everything and enjoy the moment.

✓ I just forget everything and enjoy the moment.

This sentence is grammatically correct and needs no correction.

× Kids and youngsters are more prefer chocolate than anything else.

✓ Kids and youngsters prefer chocolate more than anything else.

'Are more prefer' is incorrect; 'prefer' is the correct verb form here without 'are'.

× So if we're giving a gift to someone, uh, a, a chocolate, we are expressing our love and affection toward the person.

✓ So if we're giving a gift to someone, a chocolate, we are expressing our love and affection toward that person.

'The person' is vague; 'that person' is more specific. Also, removing extra commas improves clarity.