Chocolate— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Try to avoid redundancy and unclear phrases. Use clear and natural English, and keep your answer concise within 5 sentences. For example, avoid repeating 'doctor' and unclear words like 'chocolate schools'.

例: I don't like eating chocolate because I am health conscious. I have watched videos where doctors say sugar is addictive and harmful, often called 'white poison'. Therefore, I try to avoid chocolate as it contains a lot of sugar. However, sometimes I do eat it on special occasions.

提案: Use clearer expressions and avoid filler words like 'uh'. Also, explain your ideas logically with linking words. For example, replace 'getting any creep for chocolates' with 'receiving chocolates as gifts'.

例: I eat chocolate occasionally, mostly when someone gives it to me as a gift. However, I try to avoid it because doctors say sugar is addictive and can cause health problems like diabetes.

提案: Avoid confusing sentences and unclear phrases. Use simple and direct sentences to express your ideas. For example, clarify 'when I was chocolate' and 'bribe for my mother'.

例: Yes, when I was a child, I often ate chocolate without worrying about its disadvantages. I used to eat it every day, and sometimes my mother gave me chocolate as a reward to encourage me to go to school.

提案: Use linking words to connect ideas smoothly and avoid filler words. Also, be more specific and correct grammar, e.g., 'parents often reward their children with chocolate'.

例: I think chocolate is popular worldwide, especially among children. For example, many parents reward their children with chocolate to encourage them to go to school or complete daily tasks. Because of this, the demand for chocolate is increasing every day.

提案: Make your sentences clear and grammatically correct. Avoid incomplete or unclear phrases like 'smells of strawberries me different'.

例: My favorite flavor of chocolate is strawberry. I find it really delicious, especially because I like the sweet smell of strawberries.

提案: Avoid repetition and incomplete sentences. Use clear and natural expressions, for example, 'especially for loved ones' and explain why it makes people feel special.

例: Yes, I think chocolate is a good gift, especially for loved ones. It can make someone feel special because it shows you care about them.

× I don't like eating chocolate schools.

✓ I don't like eating chocolates.

The word 'schools' is incorrect here; the correct plural form related to chocolate is 'chocolates'. The error is a singular/plural mismatch where an unrelated plural noun was used instead of the intended plural form of 'chocolate'.

× I saw many videos where doctor on YouTube where doctor says, uh, sugar is addictive thing and it's called white poison in the science.

✓ I saw many videos where doctors on YouTube say that sugar is an addictive thing and it's called white poison in science.

The preposition 'in the science' is incorrect; it should be 'in science' without 'the'. Also, 'doctor' should be plural 'doctors' to match the plural subject, and 'where doctor says' should be 'where doctors say'.

× So I'm a bit scared eating uh, chocolate which contains sugars.

✓ So I'm a bit scared of eating chocolate which contains sugar.

The verb 'scared' requires the preposition 'of' before the gerund 'eating'. Also, 'sugars' should be singular 'sugar' as an uncountable noun here.

× So for me there is a big no.

✓ So for me, it's a big no.

The phrase 'there is a big no' is awkward; using 'it's a big no' is more natural and grammatically correct in this context.

× I do like eating chocolates if someone is affirming or if I'm getting any creep for chocolates.

✓ I do like eating chocolates if someone is offering or if I'm getting any treat of chocolates.

The word 'affirming' is incorrect; likely intended 'offering'. Also, 'creep' is incorrect; 'treat' fits better. 'For chocolates' should be 'of chocolates' to indicate the treat consists of chocolates.

× 'cause in doctor's opinion sugar is the addictive thing and it causes so many health, uh, risk and it causes diabetes or it's called white poison.

✓ 'Cause in doctors' opinion, sugar is an addictive thing and it causes many health risks and diabetes; it's called white poison.

The possessive form should be plural possessive 'doctors'' since it refers to opinions of multiple doctors. 'Health risk' should be plural 'health risks'. Also, 'the addictive thing' should be 'an addictive thing' as it is a general statement.

× Yes, when I was chocolate, I wasn't concerned about, uh, the disadvantage of eating sugars and it puts your health in danger.

✓ Yes, when I was a child, I wasn't concerned about the disadvantages of eating sugar and it put my health in danger.

'When I was chocolate' is incorrect; likely meant 'when I was a child'. 'Disadvantage' should be plural 'disadvantages'. 'Eating sugars' should be 'eating sugar' as uncountable. 'It puts' should be past tense 'it put' to match past context.

× So I used to do, I used to eat sugars every day and it was kind of a bribe for my mother to go to help me to go to school, to make me to go to school by.

✓ So I used to eat sugar every day and it was kind of a bribe for my mother to help me go to school.

'Used to do' is unnecessary repetition. 'Sugars' should be 'sugar'. The phrase 'to go to help me to go to school, to make me to go to school by' is awkward and incorrect; simplified to 'to help me go to school'.

× I so many times parents rewarding their, uh, child with their chocolate to encourage them go to school or do their daily tasks.

✓ Many times, parents reward their child with chocolate to encourage them to go to school or do their daily tasks.

'I so many times' is incorrect; should be 'Many times'. 'Rewarding' should be 'reward' to match present tense. 'Their chocolate' should be 'chocolate' without 'their' as it is uncountable here. 'Encourage them go' should be 'encourage them to go'.

× Well my favorite flavor of chocolate is strawberry. I find it really delicious goes especially the smells of strawberries me different.

✓ Well, my favorite flavor of chocolate is strawberry. I find it really delicious, especially the smell of strawberries is different to me.

'Goes' is incorrect and unnecessary. 'Smells' should be singular 'smell'. 'Me different' is incorrect; should be 'is different to me'.

× Yes, I think it's good to use chocolate as a gift to others, especially someone's love, someone's loved ones and I do believe it make make someone feel special and.

✓ Yes, I think it's good to use chocolate as a gift for others, especially someone's loved ones, and I do believe it makes someone feel special.

'Someone's love' is incorrect; should be 'someone's loved ones'. 'Make make' is a repetition error; should be 'makes'. 'Gift to others' should be 'gift for others'.