Chocolate— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Your answer is a bit unclear and contains grammatical errors. Try to make your response more coherent and concise by directly answering the question, using correct grammar, and avoiding redundancy. For example, start with a clear topic sentence, then explain your reasons with linking words.

例: Yes, I love eating chocolate, but since I am on a diet, I try to limit my intake. Although chocolate is delicious and used in many desserts like cakes and ice cream, it often contains a lot of sugar and milk, which makes it unhealthy.

提案: Your answer needs better structure and grammar. Begin with a clear statement about frequency, then add supporting details using linking words. Also, use the correct tense and avoid repetition.

例: I eat chocolate about once or twice a month because I try to control my consumption. My favourite chocolate dessert is the chocolate croissant, which I always buy when I visit the bakery because it tastes wonderful.

提案: Your answer is confusing and contains many grammatical mistakes. Try to answer clearly and logically, using past tense correctly. Avoid irrelevant details and focus on the question.

例: Yes, I often ate chocolate when I was a child, but my parents limited how much I could have. Since I didn't enjoy the food my parents cooked, I preferred eating sweets like chocolate and candy.

提案: Your answer lacks clarity and contains grammatical errors. Try to express your ideas more clearly and use linking words to connect your points logically. Avoid incomplete sentences.

例: I think chocolate is popular worldwide because of its unique flavour. Moreover, the sugar content makes it addictive, which attracts many people to enjoy it regularly.

提案: Your answer needs clearer sentence structure and correct grammar. Use linking words to explain why you like that flavour and be specific about your preferences.

例: My favourite flavour of chocolate is the one with nuts, such as hazelnuts and macadamia nuts. The combination of crunchy nuts and smooth chocolate creates a rich and delicious taste that I really enjoy.

提案: Your answer is repetitive and contains grammatical errors. Try to organise your ideas clearly, avoid filler words, and use linking words to make your answer coherent.

例: I believe chocolate makes a great gift because it is often seen as a luxurious treat with a unique taste. Additionally, high-quality chocolates can be expensive and special, making them perfect presents in today's busy world.

× Actually I love chocolate but I'm on diet so I don't eat it much but chocolate can make a lot lot of dessert that I was February such as a cake, ice cream and but chocolate has always will add a lot of sugar and milk so it was unhealthy.

✓ Actually I love chocolate but I'm on a diet so I don't eat it much. Chocolate can make a lot of desserts such as cake and ice cream, but chocolate always adds a lot of sugar and milk, so it is unhealthy.

The original sentence has multiple issues: 'on diet' should be 'on a diet' (article error), 'a lot lot of dessert that I was February' is unclear and likely a misphrasing; corrected to 'a lot of desserts such as cake and ice cream'. 'Chocolate has always will add' is incorrect verb tense and form; corrected to 'chocolate always adds'. Also, 'it was unhealthy' should be 'it is unhealthy' to match present tense context.

× Actually I love chocolate but I'm on diet so I don't eat it much but chocolate can make a lot lot of dessert that I was February such as a cake, ice cream and but chocolate has always will add a lot of sugar and milk so it was unhealthy.

✓ Actually I love chocolate but I'm on a diet so I don't eat it much. Chocolate can make a lot of desserts such as cake and ice cream, but chocolate always adds a lot of sugar and milk, so it is unhealthy.

The phrase 'has always will add' incorrectly combines modal and auxiliary verbs. The correct form is 'always adds' to express habitual action in present tense.

× Chocolate can make a lot lot of dessert that I was February such as a cake, ice cream and but chocolate has always will add a lot of sugar and milk so it was unhealthy.

✓ Chocolate can make a lot of desserts such as cake and ice cream, but chocolate always adds a lot of sugar and milk, so it is unhealthy.

The word 'dessert' should be plural 'desserts' when referring to multiple types. Also, 'a cake' is acceptable but 'cake' without article is more natural when listing types.

× Maybe once or twice a month because I can control myself to eat. Then my favorite chocolate dessert was the chocolate croissant and that was the wonderful food in the world.

✓ Maybe once or twice a month because I can control myself from eating. My favorite chocolate dessert is the chocolate croissant and it is the most wonderful food in the world.

The sentence mixes present and past tenses incorrectly. 'Was' should be 'is' to reflect current preference. Also, 'control myself to eat' is incorrect; 'control myself from eating' is correct.

× Maybe once or twice a month because I can control myself to eat.

✓ Maybe once or twice a month because I can control myself from eating.

The verb 'control' is followed by 'from' plus gerund to indicate restraint. 'Control myself to eat' is incorrect.

× I always to get one if I go to the bread shop.

✓ I always get one if I go to the bakery.

'I always to get one' is incorrect; the infinitive 'to get' is unnecessary. Also, 'bread shop' is better expressed as 'bakery'.

× Yes I often eat chocolate when I was kids but my parents don't give me more so that make me worse more want to get it.

✓ Yes, I often ate chocolate when I was a kid, but my parents didn't give me much, which made me want it even more.

The sentence incorrectly uses present tense 'eat' and 'don't give' for past events. Correct past tense forms are 'ate' and 'didn't give'. 'Kids' should be singular 'a kid' to match 'I'. The phrase 'make me worse more want to get it' is unclear and corrected to 'made me want it even more'.

× Yes I often eat chocolate when I was kids but my parents don't give me more so that make me worse more want to get it.

✓ Yes, I often ate chocolate when I was a kid, but my parents didn't give me much, which made me want it even more.

'Kids' should be singular 'a kid' because the subject is 'I'. Also, 'more' should be 'much' when referring to uncountable quantity of chocolate.

× In my childhood my parents cooking skills were so awful that I don't like to eat a fumario so that I love to eat candy.

✓ In my childhood, my parents' cooking skills were so awful that I didn't like to eat homemade food, so I loved to eat candy.

The sentence mixes past and present tenses incorrectly. 'Don't like' should be 'didn't like' and 'love' should be 'loved' to match past context. 'A fumario' is unclear; replaced with 'homemade food' for clarity.

× In my childhood my parents cooking skills were so awful that I don't like to eat a fumario so that I love to eat candy.

✓ In my childhood, my parents' cooking skills were so awful that I didn't like to eat homemade food, so I loved to eat candy.

'My parents cooking skills' should be 'my parents' cooking skills' to show possession. Also, pronouns and verbs should agree in tense.

× I think chocolate is so popular because of the flavor they have.

✓ I think chocolate is so popular because of the flavor it has.

'Chocolate' is singular, so the pronoun should be 'it' not 'they'. Also, 'flavor it has' is correct present tense.

× I think chocolate is so popular because of the flavor they have.

✓ I think chocolate is so popular because of the flavor it has.

The pronoun 'they' is incorrect for singular noun 'chocolate'; it should be 'it'.

× It was so unique and that was make people to addict and everyone was known that sugar have to addiction.

✓ It is so unique and that makes people addicted, and everyone knows that sugar is addictive.

The sentence incorrectly uses past tense 'was' and incorrect verb forms. 'Was make' should be 'makes', 'to addict' should be 'addicted', 'was known' should be 'knows', and 'have to addiction' should be 'is addictive'.

× So I think chocolate added a lot of sugar because.

✓ So I think chocolate contains a lot of sugar because of that.

The sentence is incomplete and unclear. 'Added' is past tense; 'contains' is better for present general fact. Added 'because of that' to complete the thought.

× I like kind of chocolate was added a lot of nuts such as hazelnuts and macadamia nuts.

✓ I like the kind of chocolate that has a lot of nuts such as hazelnuts and macadamia nuts.

The sentence structure is incorrect. 'I like kind of chocolate was added' should be 'I like the kind of chocolate that has'. Also, 'was added' is past tense and passive, which is inappropriate here.

× It was so much flavor when the nuts missed the chocolate and I love the kind of tasty.

✓ It has so much flavor when the nuts mix with the chocolate, and I love that taste.

'Was' should be 'has' for present tense. 'Missed' is incorrect; should be 'mix'. 'Kind of tasty' is awkward; 'that taste' is better.

× I think chocolate is very suitable for a gift because, uh, many of chocolate was very luxurious and the tasty was unique and the price was expensive and tasty.

✓ I think chocolate is very suitable as a gift because many chocolates are very luxurious, the taste is unique, and the price is expensive.

'Many of chocolate was' is incorrect; should be 'many chocolates are'. 'Tasty was unique' is incorrect; 'taste is unique' is correct. Removed repeated 'tasty'.

× Chocolate actually hard to find in in this fast world.

✓ Chocolate is actually hard to find in this fast-paced world.

Missing verb 'is'. Also, 'in in' is a typo; corrected to single 'in'. Added 'fast-paced' for natural expression.

× So that was perfect to be a gift.

✓ So that is perfect to be a gift.

The sentence refers to a general truth, so present tense 'is' is appropriate instead of past tense 'was'.