Chocolate— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Та илүү байгалийн, үр дүнтэй хариулт өгөх хэрэгтэй. Хариулт тань хэсэгчилсэн, утга санаа нь тодорхой бус байна. Илүү тодорхой, логик холбоотой өгүүлбэрүүдийг ашиглаарай.

例: Yes, I absolutely love chocolate because it melts smoothly in my mouth, giving me a wonderful feeling. This texture and taste always make me happy.

提案: Хариулт тань ойлгомжтой боловч холбоос үгсийг илүү ашиглаж, өгүүлбэрүүдийг логик дарааллаар холбож өгнө үү. Мөн илүү тодорхой, товч тодорхойлолт өгнө үү.

例: I usually eat chocolate when I feel stressed because it helps me relax and feel happier. For example, I prefer dark chocolate since its sweet and slightly bitter taste suits my mood perfectly.

提案: Хариулт тань ойлгомжгүй, утга санаа нь тодорхой бус байна. Илүү энгийн, шууд хариулт өгч, тодорхой жишээ оруулж өгнө үү.

例: No, I didn't eat chocolate often as a child because my mother didn't allow me to eat many sweets. However, I always loved chocolate and looked forward to having it on special occasions like Christmas.

提案: Хариулт тань ойлгомжгүй, утга санаа нь бүрэн илэрхийлэгдээгүй байна. Илүү тодорхой, логик холбоотой, утга агуулгатай хариулт өгнө үү.

例: Chocolate is popular worldwide because of its rich texture and delicious taste. Many people enjoy the sweet flavor, which makes them feel happy and satisfied.

提案: Хариулт тань давтагдсан, үг хэллэг нь тодорхой бус байна. Илүү энгийн, тодорхой үгс ашиглаж, утга санааг илүү сайн илэрхийлээрэй.

例: My favorite flavor is milk chocolate because the combination of milk and chocolate creates a rich and creamy taste that I really enjoy.

提案: Хариулт тань ойлгомжтой боловч илүү байгалийн, үр дүнтэй болгохын тулд холбоос үгсийг ашиглаж, илүү тодорхой өгүүлбэрүүдийг хэрэглээрэй.

例: Yes, I think chocolate is a great gift because everyone loves it, from children to older people. Therefore, it is suitable for all ages.

× The way it melts in my mouth is the great feeling. Ever.

✓ The way it melts in my mouth is a great feeling ever.

The article 'the' is incorrectly used before 'great feeling'. It should be 'a great feeling' because it is a general feeling, not a specific one. Also, 'Ever' at the end is awkward; it should be connected properly or omitted for clarity.

× For example, dark chocolate is my favorite because it's both sweet and slightly bitter, which makes me satisfying for a stressing mood.

✓ For example, dark chocolate is my favorite because it's both sweet and slightly bitter, which makes me feel satisfied during stressful moods.

The phrase 'makes me satisfying' is incorrect; 'satisfying' is an adjective describing something else, not a feeling. The correct form is 'makes me feel satisfied'. Also, 'stressing mood' is incorrect; it should be 'stressful mood'.

× No, I usually eat it in celebrity days.

✓ No, I usually ate it on special days.

The question is about past habits, so the past tense 'ate' should be used instead of 'eat'. Also, 'celebrity days' is unclear; 'special days' is more appropriate.

× Maybe like tons are lonely here at Christmas.

✓ Maybe I feel lonely here at Christmas.

The original sentence is unclear and uses 'tons' incorrectly. It seems the speaker wants to express feeling lonely during Christmas, so the sentence is corrected for clarity and grammar.

× Despite that I love chocolate for my soul.

✓ Despite that, I love chocolate for my soul.

A comma is needed after 'Despite that' to separate the clauses properly. The sentence is otherwise acceptable.

× The chocolate trimming and rich texture makes it more popular in every day and every person want to feel.

✓ The chocolate trimming and rich texture make it more popular every day, and every person wants to feel it.

The compound subject 'chocolate trimming and rich texture' requires the plural verb 'make'. Also, 'every day' is two words here meaning 'each day'. 'Every person want' should be 'every person wants' for subject-verb agreement.

× How does it feel?

✓ How does it feel?

This sentence is grammatically correct but seems out of context. No correction needed.

× I love milk chocolate because milk and the chocolate combos are the strongest and the tastiest flavor flavorful taste so I like it.

✓ I love milk chocolate because the combination of milk and chocolate has the strongest and tastiest flavor, so I like it.

The phrase 'combos are the strongest and the tastiest flavor flavorful taste' is redundant and awkward. 'Combination' is better than 'combos', and 'flavorful taste' is redundant. The sentence is restructured for clarity.

× Yes, everybody loves chocolate, even the kids, even the older.

✓ Yes, everybody loves chocolate, even kids and older people.

'The kids' and 'the older' are awkward; 'kids' and 'older people' are more natural. Also, 'the older' is incomplete and needs a noun.

× So I think the chocolates are the best gift for all ages old people.

✓ So I think chocolate is the best gift for people of all ages.

'The chocolates' is incorrect here; 'chocolate' as a general noun is better. 'All ages old people' is incorrect; 'people of all ages' is the correct phrase.