Chocolate— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Try to make your answer more fluent and structured by avoiding fillers like 'uh' and 'umm'. Also, use linking words to connect your ideas clearly and avoid redundancy. For example, start with a clear topic sentence, then explain your preference with reasons.

例: Yes, I enjoy eating chocolate, especially dark chocolate because it is less sweet than milk or white chocolate. Moreover, I prefer dark chocolate as it fits better with my healthy lifestyle.

提案: Your answer is good but could be improved by using more precise linking words and avoiding vague phrases like 'like twice a week'. Also, try to make your example more relevant and concise.

例: I usually eat chocolate twice a week, although I know it's not very healthy. Therefore, I am trying to reduce my consumption because excessive chocolate can lead to health problems, such as diabetes, which I have seen in a friend.

提案: Your answer is clear but could be more natural by avoiding abrupt endings like 'Yeah'. Also, try to use linking words to connect your ideas smoothly.

例: No, I didn't eat chocolate often as a child because my parents were very protective of my diet. However, I was allowed to have one chocolate per month, which I think was sufficient for a kid.

提案: Your answer lacks clarity and coherence. Try to organize your ideas logically and use appropriate vocabulary. Avoid incomplete sentences and explain your reasons clearly with linking words.

例: In my opinion, chocolate is popular worldwide because it tastes delicious and can make people, especially children and teenagers, feel happy. Its sweet flavor and smooth texture attract many people.

提案: Your answer is good but could be improved by using more varied vocabulary and linking words to make it more fluent and natural.

例: As I mentioned earlier, my favourite flavour is dark chocolate because it is less sweet and healthier than other types. Additionally, I can enjoy it anytime, which fits well with my healthy lifestyle.

提案: Try to avoid repetition and unclear phrases like '1A presents'. Use linking words to organize your ideas and give a clear opinion with reasons.

例: Personally, I prefer to give gifts that are more valuable and suit the recipient's personality. However, chocolate can be a good gift for children because it makes them happy. Therefore, it depends on the person you are giving the gift to.

× Uh mostly I'd enjoy having a piece of chocolate but I'd rather eat a dark chocolate cause umm milk chocolate or white chocolate can be too much sometimes and also I'm having a healthy like lifestyle so. Yeah.

✓ Uh mostly I'd enjoy having a piece of chocolate but I'd rather eat dark chocolate because milk chocolate or white chocolate can be too much sometimes and also I have a healthy lifestyle. Yeah.

The phrase 'I'm having a healthy like lifestyle' is incorrect because 'have' is a stative verb and is not usually used in the continuous form. Also, 'like' is unnecessary here. The correct form is 'I have a healthy lifestyle'. Additionally, 'cause' should be replaced with 'because' for formal correctness.

× In my perspective, chocolates are a delicious food stove which is really popular, but when children and teenagers and the reason can be it's taste or maybe some people get happy.

✓ In my perspective, chocolate is a delicious food which is really popular among children and teenagers, and the reason can be its taste or maybe because it makes some people happy.

The word 'chocolates' should be singular 'chocolate' when referring to the food in general. Also, 'food stove' is incorrect and should be 'food'. The sentence structure is unclear and needs rephrasing for clarity. 'It's taste' should be 'its taste' because 'its' is the possessive pronoun.

× But I had about one chocolate per month, which was enough for a kid.

✓ But I had about one piece of chocolate per month, which was enough for a kid.

The word 'chocolate' is uncountable when referring to the substance, so 'one chocolate' is incorrect. It should be 'one piece of chocolate' to specify a countable unit.

× For example, one of my friends got diabetes and they found out the reason was eating too much chocolate.

✓ For example, one of my friends got diabetes and he found out the reason was eating too much chocolate.

The pronoun 'they' is plural, but 'one of my friends' is singular. Therefore, the pronoun should be singular 'he' or 'she' to agree with the singular subject.

× I personally rather give my loved 1A presents and gifts that are more valuable and suits their own personality.

✓ I personally would rather give my loved ones presents and gifts that are more valuable and suit their own personality.

The phrase 'loved 1A' is incorrect; it should be 'loved ones'. Also, 'suits' should be 'suit' to agree with the plural subject 'presents and gifts'. The modal verb 'would' is needed with 'rather' for correct usage.