Chocolate— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Try to avoid repetition and improve sentence clarity. Use a clear topic sentence and support it with specific reasons. For example, instead of repeating 'I love eating chocolates', say 'Yes, I enjoy eating chocolate, especially when I'm stressed, because it helps me relax.'

例: Yes, I enjoy eating chocolate, especially when I'm stressed, because it helps me relax and feel better.

提案: Avoid unclear phrases like 'so bus' and use linking words to connect ideas smoothly. Provide specific details about your habits. For example, 'I usually eat chocolate once or twice a week after meals because it boosts my mood.'

例: I usually eat chocolate once or twice a week after meals because it boosts my mood and gives me energy.

提案: Try to make your answer more concise and use linking words to improve flow. For example, 'When I was a kid, I often ate chocolate because I loved sweets. I usually bought it from the local shop, which I enjoyed visiting.'

例: When I was a kid, I often ate chocolate because I loved sweets. I usually bought it from the local shop, which I enjoyed visiting.

提案: Avoid incomplete sentences and redundancy. Use linking words to connect ideas logically. For example, 'Chocolate is popular worldwide because it is a common dessert and is believed to boost mood. Many people eat it when they feel down.'

例: Chocolate is popular worldwide because it is a common dessert and is believed to boost mood. Many people eat it when they feel down.

提案: Be clear and avoid confusing phrases like 'chocolates those have chocolate material'. Use linking words and specific reasons. For example, 'My favourite chocolate is Dairy Milk because it has a rich chocolate flavour, not like wafer chocolates. It also helps improve my mood and memory.'

例: My favourite chocolate is Dairy Milk because it has a rich chocolate flavour, not like wafer chocolates. It also helps improve my mood and memory.

提案: Make your answer more concise and use linking words for clarity. For example, 'I think chocolates make good gifts because choosing presents can be difficult, and chocolates are a popular and safe choice.'

例: I think chocolates make good gifts because choosing presents can be difficult, and chocolates are a popular and safe choice.

× Yes, I love eating chocolates and I love eating chocolates when I'm I am in stress.

✓ Yes, I love eating chocolate and I love eating chocolate when I am stressed.

The word 'chocolates' is plural but in this context, 'chocolate' as an uncountable noun is more appropriate. Also, 'in stress' is incorrect; the correct phrase is 'stressed' to describe the state.

× I do think so that chocolates reduce the stress.

✓ I do think that chocolate reduces stress.

The phrase 'I do think so that' is incorrect. The correct structure is 'I do think that'. Also, 'chocolates' should be singular 'chocolate' as an uncountable noun, and 'reduce the stress' should be 'reduces stress' for general statement.

× I usually eat chocolate once or twice a week, it helps me boost my mood and I usually eat after the meal so bus.

✓ I usually eat chocolate once or twice a week; it helps me boost my mood, and I usually eat it after meals.

The original sentence is a run-on sentence and unclear. It needs proper punctuation and clarity. 'so bus' is unclear and likely a mistake, so it is removed. 'after the meal' is better as 'after meals' and 'eat' should be followed by 'it' to specify chocolate.

× When I was a kid, I used to eat chocolate because I love eating sweet things and chocolate was one of them, and I usually buy it from my neighborhood shop and I love to go there and eat chocolates.

✓ When I was a kid, I used to eat chocolate because I loved eating sweet things and chocolate was one of them. I usually bought it from my neighborhood shop and I loved going there to eat chocolate.

The sentence mixes past and present tense incorrectly. Since the context is past, verbs should be in past tense: 'love' to 'loved', 'buy' to 'bought', 'love to go' to 'loved going'. Also, 'chocolates' should be 'chocolate' as uncountable noun.

× I believe chocolate is famous around the world because it is usually used as a dessert after the meal and even most of the people think it is a mood booster.

✓ I believe chocolate is famous around the world because it is usually eaten as a dessert after meals, and most people think it is a mood booster.

'Used as a dessert' is better expressed as 'eaten as a dessert'. 'Even most of the people' is awkward; 'most people' is correct. 'After the meal' is better as 'after meals' for generalization.

× When they are in low mood they usually eat chocolates and apart from that people around the world love eating chocolates because they also.

✓ When they are in a low mood, they usually eat chocolate. Apart from that, people around the world love eating chocolate because of its taste and effects.

The original sentence is incomplete and awkward. 'In low mood' should be 'in a low mood'. 'Chocolates' should be 'chocolate'. The sentence ends abruptly with 'because they also' which is incomplete; a proper ending is added for clarity.

× There are different kinds of chocolate available in the market, but I love eating Dairy Milk because it is my favorite 1 and I usually love chocolates those have chocolate material in that not the wafer kind of things and even it also boost my memory and lift up my mood.

✓ There are different kinds of chocolate available in the market, but I love eating Dairy Milk because it is my favorite. I usually prefer chocolates that contain real chocolate, not the wafer kind, and it also boosts my memory and lifts up my mood.

'Favorite 1' is corrected to 'favorite'. 'Chocolates those have chocolate material in that' is awkward; corrected to 'chocolates that contain real chocolate'. 'Boost' and 'lift' need to be in third person singular form 'boosts' and 'lifts' to agree with singular subject 'it'.

× In my opinion, using chocolates as a gift for giving others is a good choice because we are always confused while choosing the gifts and in that time chocolates is the best option to offer to other people.

✓ In my opinion, using chocolates as gifts for others is a good choice because we are always confused when choosing gifts, and at that time chocolates are the best option to offer to other people.

'Using chocolates as a gift for giving others' is awkward; better as 'using chocolates as gifts for others'. 'In that time' should be 'at that time'. 'Chocolates is' should be 'chocolates are' to agree in number.