Chocolate— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Та хариултаа илүү байгалийн, ойлгомжтой болгох хэрэгтэй. Жишээ нь, "I really like chocolate because it tastes amazing, but I don't eat too much because it upsets my digestion." гэж хэлж болно.

例: I really like chocolate because it tastes amazing, but I don't eat too much because it upsets my digestion.

提案: Хариултаа товч бөгөөд тодорхой болгох хэрэгтэй. Мөн холбоос үг ашиглан логик холбоог сайжруулж болно. Жишээ нь, "I rarely eat chocolate because sugary foods upset my stomach."

例: I rarely eat chocolate because sugary foods upset my stomach.

提案: Цаг хугацааны хувьд зөв хэлэх хэрэгтэй. Мөн илүү тодорхой, байгалийн хэллэг ашиглах нь зүйтэй. Жишээ нь, "Yes, I used to eat chocolate a lot as a kid, but now I try to avoid it."

例: Yes, I used to eat chocolate a lot as a kid, but now I try to avoid it.

提案: Хариулт тань ойлгомжгүй, давтагдсан үг их байна. Илүү тодорхой, логик холбоотой хариулт өгнө үү. Жишээ нь, "Chocolate is popular worldwide because it tastes rich and delicious, and many people find it addictive."

例: Chocolate is popular worldwide because it tastes rich and delicious, and many people find it addictive.

提案: Давтагдсан үгсийг засаж, илүү байгалийн хэллэг ашиглах хэрэгтэй. Жишээ нь, "When I was a kid, I loved milk chocolate, but now I prefer dark chocolate because of its rich, slightly bitter flavor that makes me feel happy and relaxed."

例: When I was a kid, I loved milk chocolate, but now I prefer dark chocolate because of its rich, slightly bitter flavor that makes me feel happy and relaxed.

提案: Хариултаа илүү тодорхой, байгалийн хэллэгээр илэрхийлэх хэрэгтэй. Жишээ нь, "Yes, I often give chocolate as a gift, but I don't think it's suitable for birthdays."

例: Yes, I often give chocolate as a gift, but I don't think it's suitable for birthdays.

× I'm a very big fan of chocolate because it has a very incredible tastes.

✓ I'm a very big fan of chocolate because it has a very incredible taste.

The word 'tastes' is plural, but here it should be singular 'taste' because 'chocolate' is singular and refers to its overall flavor. Use singular form when referring to a general quality of a singular noun.

× However, I don't eat a lot of chocolates too much because it's feel bad efficient for my digestion system.

✓ However, I don't eat a lot of chocolate too much because it feels bad and is inefficient for my digestive system.

'Chocolates' should be singular 'chocolate' when referring to the substance in general. 'It's feel' is incorrect; it should be 'it feels' to agree with singular subject. Also, 'efficient' is incorrect here; 'inefficient' or 'bad for' is appropriate. 'Digestion system' should be 'digestive system'.

× I rarely eat chocolate due to my digestion system because if I eat sugary products it will affect negatively to my digestion system or stomach.

✓ I rarely eat chocolate because of my digestive system; if I eat sugary products, it will negatively affect my digestive system or stomach.

The phrase 'due to my digestion system' is better expressed as 'because of my digestive system'. 'Affect negatively to' is incorrect; the correct form is 'negatively affect'. Also, 'digestion system' should be 'digestive system'.

× Yes, I frequently eat chocolate when I was a kid and I couldn't stop myself for of eating chocolate, but now I avoid to eat chocolate as much as possible.

✓ Yes, I frequently ate chocolate when I was a kid and I couldn't stop myself from eating chocolate, but now I avoid eating chocolate as much as possible.

The verb 'eat' should be in past tense 'ate' to match 'when I was a kid'. The phrase 'stop myself for of eating' is incorrect; the correct phrase is 'stop myself from eating'. 'Avoid to eat' should be 'avoid eating'.

× In my opinion, chocolate has rich and delicious tastes and kind of addicting addicting tastes. Containing in chocolate.

✓ In my opinion, chocolate has a rich and delicious taste and is kind of addictive. It contains substances that can be addictive.

'Rich and delicious tastes' should be singular 'taste' when referring to chocolate generally. 'Addicting addicting tastes' is repetitive and incorrect; 'addictive' is the correct adjective. 'Containing in chocolate' is incomplete and unclear; it should be rephrased to explain what chocolate contains.

× If I was a kid I would definitely say milk milk chocolate, but now I would say it is dark chocolate because it has a very nice bitter bitter flavor and it can makes me feel happy and relaxed.

✓ If I were a kid, I would definitely say milk chocolate, but now I would say it is dark chocolate because it has a very nice bitter flavor and it can make me feel happy and relaxed.

The subjunctive mood requires 'If I were' instead of 'If I was'. 'Milk milk chocolate' is repetitive; one 'milk' is enough. 'Bitter bitter flavor' is repetitive; one 'bitter' is sufficient. 'It can makes' should be 'it can make' because modal verbs are followed by the base form of the verb.

× Yes, I'm a kind of person who use chocolate as a gift to others. But I don't use chocolate as a gift for birthday birthdays because it is not suitable gift for birthday person.

✓ Yes, I'm the kind of person who uses chocolate as a gift for others. But I don't use chocolate as a gift for birthdays because it is not a suitable gift for the birthday person.

'A kind of person who use' should be 'the kind of person who uses' to agree in number. 'Gift to others' is better as 'gift for others'. 'Birthday birthdays' is repetitive; 'birthdays' is sufficient. 'Not suitable gift' needs an article: 'not a suitable gift'. 'Birthday person' should be 'the birthday person'.