Chocolate— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Câu trả lời của bạn khá tự nhiên và có nội dung rõ ràng, tuy nhiên bạn nên chú ý sử dụng thì động từ cho nhất quán (ví dụ: "helped" nên là "helps") và tránh lặp từ không cần thiết như "especially". Ngoài ra, câu trả lời hơi dài và có thể được rút gọn để tránh lan man.

例: I love eating chocolate because it is one of my favorite treats. It helps improve my mood, especially when I feel stressed, and boosts my energy after a long day at work. For example, I sometimes eat a small piece to refresh myself.

提案: Bạn nên tránh lặp từ và sử dụng từ ngữ chính xác hơn (ví dụ: "consuming labor" không phù hợp, nên dùng "consumption" hoặc "intake"). Câu trả lời cũng hơi dài và có nhiều từ thừa, bạn nên nói ngắn gọn, rõ ràng hơn.

例: Although I love chocolate, I rarely eat it because I know sweets are bad for my health. I try to limit my consumption and only eat chocolate occasionally when I feel exhausted, so it doesn't affect my well-being.

提案: Câu trả lời của bạn khá tốt nhưng có một số lỗi nhỏ về ngữ pháp và lặp từ (ví dụ: "at my at my time"). Bạn nên chú ý sửa lỗi này và sử dụng thì quá khứ cho phù hợp. Ngoài ra, câu trả lời có thể thêm một chút chi tiết để phong phú hơn.

例: When I was a child, I rarely ate chocolate because it was very expensive and my parents couldn't afford it. I only had chocolate on special occasions, which made it feel even more special.

提案: Bạn nên tránh lặp từ và sử dụng các liên từ để câu trả lời mạch lạc hơn. Ngoài ra, nên dùng từ vựng chính xác hơn (ví dụ: "improve their emotion" nên là "improve their mood"). Câu trả lời cũng nên ngắn gọn và rõ ràng hơn.

例: Chocolate is popular worldwide for several reasons. Firstly, it is sweet and delicious, which makes people happy. Moreover, many buy chocolate as gifts for friends and family, especially on special occasions.

提案: Câu trả lời có một số lỗi ngữ pháp và từ vựng không chính xác (ví dụ: "Sugary liver" không đúng, có thể bạn muốn nói "sugar level"). Bạn nên chú ý sử dụng từ đúng và câu ngắn gọn, tránh lỗi ngữ pháp.

例: I prefer milk chocolate because dark chocolate tastes bitter to me. I like something sweeter with a bit of sugar, which helps boost my mood and energy. That's why I usually choose milk chocolate.

提案: Câu trả lời của bạn khá tốt và tự nhiên. Tuy nhiên, bạn có thể sử dụng thêm liên từ để câu trả lời mạch lạc hơn và tránh câu ngắn rời rạc. Ngoài ra, nên tránh lặp từ như "give out" nhiều lần.

例: Yes, I think chocolate makes a great gift. Nowadays, many people give chocolate to friends and family, especially on special occasions like Valentine's Day. Chocolate is sweet, symbolizing love, and tastes delicious.

× I love eating chocolate because it is one of my favorite treats.

✓ I love eating chocolate because it is one of my favorite treats.

No correction needed. The use of 'eating' as a gerund here is correct.

× Not only does it help me to improve my feelings, especially when I feel stressed, but it also helped me to boost up my energy after, especially after the long day at work for example, I sometimes consume the small piece of chocolate to.

✓ Not only does it help me to improve my feelings, especially when I feel stressed, but it also helps me to boost my energy, especially after a long day at work. For example, I sometimes consume a small piece of chocolate too.

The verb tense should be consistent; 'helped' should be 'helps' to match the present tense context. 'Boost up' is incorrect; 'boost' is sufficient. 'The long day' should be 'a long day' as it is a general statement. 'Consume the small piece' should be 'consume a small piece'. 'To' at the end is unnecessary and should be 'too' to mean 'also'.

× I really love eating chocolate but I don't usually eat it because I know that sweet thing is not good for my health.

✓ I really love eating chocolate but I don't usually eat it because I know that sweet things are not good for my health.

'Sweet thing' should be plural 'sweet things' to refer generally to sweets. Also, plural subject requires plural verb 'are'.

× So I try to keep my consuming labor to the minimum to the minimum level.

✓ So I try to keep my consumption to a minimum level.

'Consuming labor' is incorrect; the correct noun is 'consumption'. Repetition of 'to the minimum' is redundant. 'A minimum level' is the correct phrase.

× And for example, I just occasionally eat the chocolate after like being feeling exhausted, uh, so that it does not affect my well-being.

✓ For example, I occasionally eat chocolate when I feel exhausted so that it does not affect my well-being.

'After like being feeling exhausted' is incorrect and awkward. The correct phrase is 'when I feel exhausted'. Also, 'the chocolate' should be 'chocolate' as a general noun.

× When I was a kid, I rarely ate chocolate because you know, chocolate was very expensive at my at my time as when I was a child, so my parents couldn't afford to buy it for me.

✓ When I was a kid, I rarely ate chocolate because, you know, chocolate was very expensive at my time when I was a child, so my parents couldn't afford to buy it for me.

The phrase 'at my at my time as when I was a child' is redundant and awkward. It should be simplified to 'at my time when I was a child'.

× I only have some chocolate on special occasions which make it even more special.

✓ I only have some chocolate on special occasions which makes it even more special.

The relative clause refers to 'some chocolate' (singular in meaning), so the verb should be 'makes' not 'make'.

× I think that chocolate is popular around the world for several reasons.

✓ I think that chocolate is popular all around the world for several reasons.

'Around the world' is acceptable but 'all around the world' is more natural. However, this is stylistic and not a strict grammar error, so correction is optional.

× Uh, first of first of all, people want to consume chocolate because it is sweet and delicious and it can help to improve their emotion and feelings.

✓ First of all, people want to consume chocolate because it is sweet and delicious and it can help to improve their emotions and feelings.

'Emotion' should be plural 'emotions' to match 'feelings' and to be grammatically correct.

× Uh, that is the reason why a lot of people want to eat chocolate and also buy chocolate as gift to, to give that to friends and family and.

✓ That is the reason why a lot of people want to eat chocolate and also buy chocolate as gifts to give to friends and family.

'As gift to' should be 'as gifts to'. The phrase 'to, to give that to' is redundant and awkward; it should be 'to give to'.

× I prefer milk chocolate because like the original version, dark chocolate is kind of bitter for me that I cannot consume.

✓ I prefer milk chocolate because, unlike the original version, dark chocolate is kind of bitter for me and I cannot consume it.

'Like the original version' should be 'unlike the original version' to express contrast. Also, 'that I cannot consume' is awkward; 'and I cannot consume it' is clearer.

× I prefer something sweeter and also a little bit of sugar.

✓ I prefer something sweeter and also a little bit sugary.

'A little bit of sugar' refers to the noun sugar, but the context requires an adjective describing the taste, so 'a little bit sugary' is more appropriate.

× Sugary liver can boost my emotion and energy so that is the reason why I usually choose the milk flavor when I buy chocolate.

✓ Sugary flavor can boost my emotion and energy, so that is the reason why I usually choose the milk flavor when I buy chocolate.

'Sugary liver' is a typo; it should be 'sugary flavor'. Also, 'emotion' should be plural 'emotions'.

× Yeah, I believe so, because nowadays we can see that people also use chocolate as gifts to give out to their friends and families.

✓ Yeah, I believe so, because nowadays we can see that people also use chocolate as gifts to give to their friends and family.

'Give out to' is redundant; 'give to' is sufficient. 'Families' should be singular 'family' when referring collectively.

× Especially on some special occasions like Valentine's Day.

✓ Especially on special occasions like Valentine's Day.

'Some special occasions' is redundant; 'special occasions' is sufficient.

× People try to give out chocolate because it's sweet, just like love, and also it tastes delicious.

✓ People try to give chocolate because it's sweet, just like love, and it also tastes delicious.

'Give out chocolate' is awkward; 'give chocolate' is better. Also, 'and also it tastes' is redundant; 'and it also tastes' is clearer.