Chocolate— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Your answer is somewhat unclear and contains grammatical errors. Try to make your sentences more natural and concise. For example, say "I love eating chocolate because it is a popular sweet that many people enjoy from childhood." Avoid redundancy and incorrect phrases like "people afraid to lose."

例: I love eating chocolate because it is a popular sweet that many people enjoy from childhood. It has a rich taste that makes it hard to resist.

提案: Your answer is informative but a bit long and repetitive. Try to use linking words and simplify your sentences. For example, "I eat chocolate occasionally because my dentist advised me to avoid it due to cavities."

例: I eat chocolate occasionally because my dentist advised me to avoid it due to cavities. So, I try to limit my consumption to protect my teeth.

提案: Your answer has some grammar mistakes and awkward phrasing. Try to be more direct and clear. For example, "Yes, I often asked my parents for chocolate. Being the youngest in my family, I was often treated with sweets."

例: Yes, I often asked my parents for chocolate. Being the youngest in my family, I was often treated with sweets, so I had plenty of chances to enjoy chocolate.

提案: Your answer is unclear and contains grammatical errors. Try to organize your ideas logically and use correct grammar. For example, "I think chocolate is popular worldwide because of strong marketing. It has become more popular than other sweets."

例: I think chocolate is popular worldwide because of strong marketing. It has become more popular than other sweets, especially in tourist areas.

提案: Your answer is confusing and incomplete. Try to express your idea clearly and avoid unfinished sentences. For example, "My favourite flavour is classic chocolate because it is the most common and brings back nostalgic memories."

例: My favourite flavour is classic chocolate because it is the most common and brings back nostalgic memories from my childhood.

提案: Your answer is incomplete and unclear. Try to complete your thoughts and explain why chocolate is a good gift. For example, "Yes, chocolate is a good gift because it can create happy and nostalgic moments for the receiver."

例: Yes, chocolate is a good gift because it can create happy and nostalgic moments for the receiver. It shows care and is enjoyed by many people.

× This is something that people get exposed with from his very childhood, and this is also something that people afraid to lose.

✓ This is something that people get exposed to from their very childhood, and this is also something that people are afraid to lose.

The phrase 'get exposed with' is incorrect; the correct preposition is 'to' after 'exposed'. Also, 'his' should be 'their' to match the plural subject 'people'. Additionally, 'people afraid to lose' lacks the verb 'are'. So, 'people are afraid to lose' is correct.

× Occasionally, to be honest, I don't get that freedom anymore to consume chocolate because my dentist has advised me to prevent myself from the consumption because I have cavity in my teeth and which may grow if I continue consuming.

✓ Occasionally, to be honest, I don't have the freedom anymore to consume chocolate because my dentist has advised me to avoid consumption since I have cavities in my teeth which may worsen if I continue eating it.

The phrase 'prevent myself from the consumption' is awkward and incorrect; 'avoid consumption' is better. Also, 'I have cavity' should be plural 'cavities'. The modal verb 'has advised me to prevent' is better expressed as 'has advised me to avoid'. The sentence is restructured for clarity and correctness.

× Moreover, I often pressurize my parents to give me one.

✓ Moreover, I often pressure my parents to give me one.

The verb 'pressurize' is less common and 'pressure' is the correct verb to use here. Also, 'pressurize' is often used in British English but 'pressure' is more appropriate in this context.

× And again, as I was the youngest kid among my family, so most of the members would love to treat me like a kid and as a result I got enough exposure with chocolate.

✓ And again, as I was the youngest kid in my family, most of the members would love to treat me like a kid and as a result, I got enough exposure to chocolate.

The phrase 'among my family' is incorrect; 'in my family' is correct. Also, 'exposure with chocolate' should be 'exposure to chocolate'. The word 'so' is unnecessary after 'youngest kid in my family'.

× If you see a tourist world, then the marketing industry has emphasized a lot on chocolates.

✓ If you look at the tourist world, then the marketing industry has emphasized chocolates a lot.

The phrase 'emphasized a lot on chocolates' is incorrect; 'emphasized chocolates a lot' or 'placed a lot of emphasis on chocolates' is correct. Also, 'see a tourist world' is awkward; 'look at the tourist world' is better.

× It has been replaced sweets in the market.

✓ It has replaced sweets in the market.

The phrase 'has been replaced sweets' is incorrect passive construction. The correct active form is 'has replaced sweets'.

× It's definitely chocolate flavor because I think the reason behind it is the. Exposure we get of chocolate is mostly of chocolate flavor and there's nostalgic Dr. keeps you on track.

✓ It's definitely chocolate flavor because I think the reason behind it is the exposure we get to chocolate is mostly of chocolate flavor and there's a nostalgic feeling that keeps you on track.

The sentence is fragmented and unclear. 'Exposure we get of chocolate' should be 'exposure we get to chocolate'. 'Nostalgic Dr.' is unclear; likely meant 'nostalgic feeling'. Added missing articles and connected the sentence properly.

× I think it's a great way to impress someone. When you give someone chocolate, then there comes a. Nostalgic moment and you.

✓ I think it's a great way to impress someone. When you give someone chocolate, a nostalgic moment comes, and you feel connected.

The original sentence is fragmented and incomplete. 'Then there comes a. Nostalgic moment and you.' is not a complete sentence. It is corrected to a complete and meaningful sentence.