Chocolate— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Try to make your answer more natural and concise. Avoid redundancy by combining similar ideas and use linking words to improve coherence. For example, start with a clear topic sentence and then explain with specific reasons.

例: I like eating chocolate occasionally, especially when I crave it. However, I usually avoid very sugary chocolates and prefer less sweet ones, particularly during special occasions.

提案: Improve sentence structure and clarity. Use linking words to connect ideas logically. Be specific about frequency and occasions to make your answer clearer.

例: I usually eat chocolate during an eight-day Muslim festival and on my birthday when people give me chocolates as gifts. So, I eat chocolate mostly on special occasions.

提案: Focus on making sentences grammatically correct and coherent. Use linking words to connect ideas and avoid repetition. Provide specific examples clearly.

例: Yes, I loved chocolate as a child, but my mother did not allow me to eat it regularly. However, once my uncle gave me many chocolates, and I ate them all, which made my mother unhappy.

提案: Use linking words to connect your ideas smoothly and avoid repeating similar points. Try to explain reasons more naturally and clearly.

例: Chocolate is popular worldwide because it tastes sweet and provides instant energy. Moreover, it is often given as a gift to special people, which adds to its popularity.

提案: Improve sentence structure and vocabulary usage. Use linking words to make your answer coherent and provide clear descriptions.

例: My favorite chocolate is Ferrero Rocher, which is popular worldwide. I like its milky and chocolaty flavor, and I enjoy this taste all the time.

提案: Make your sentences clearer and more grammatically correct. Use linking words to connect ideas logically and avoid repetition.

例: In our country, people often give flowers and chocolates as gifts. Since many people like chocolates, I think it is a good choice for gifting others.

× If I feel cravings of chocolate then I usually go for it.

✓ If I feel cravings for chocolate then I usually go for it.

The verb 'feel' is correctly used, but the preposition 'of' is incorrect here. The correct preposition after 'cravings' is 'for'. So, it should be 'cravings for chocolate'. This is a common prepositional error.

× If I feel cravings of chocolate then I usually go for it.

✓ If I feel cravings for chocolate then I usually go for it.

The preposition 'of' is incorrectly used with 'cravings'. The correct preposition is 'for' when expressing desire or craving for something.

× But some less sugary chocolates are my favorite, especially on my occasion dish.

✓ But some less sugary chocolate is my favorite, especially on special occasions.

The word 'chocolates' is plural but here it refers to the type or kind of chocolate, which is uncountable. Also, 'occasion dish' is unclear; 'special occasions' is more appropriate. So, 'chocolate' should be singular and uncountable here.

× especially on my occasion dish.

✓ especially on special occasions.

The phrase 'on my occasion dish' is incorrect. The correct phrase is 'on special occasions' to indicate particular times or events.

× As a Muslim, we have a big festive which is it on 8 days I like to eat this type of fancy things.

✓ As a Muslim, we have a big festival that lasts for 8 days, and I like to eat these types of fancy things.

The sentence is structurally incorrect and confusing. 'Festive' should be 'festival'. The phrase 'which is it on 8 days' is incorrect; it should be 'that lasts for 8 days'. Also, 'this type of fancy things' should be 'these types of fancy things' to agree in number.

× It includes chocolates also rather than in my birthdays I I give so many people give me chocolate as a gift that time I also eat it.

✓ It also includes chocolates. On my birthdays, many people give me chocolates as gifts, and I eat them then.

The original sentence is run-on and confusing. 'Rather than' is incorrectly used. The preposition 'in' before 'my birthdays' should be 'on'. Also, 'give so many people give me' is incorrect; it should be 'many people give me'. The sentence is corrected for clarity and grammar.

× Yes, when I was younger, I loved chocolate on that time but my mother was not allowed me to chocolate on a regular basis.

✓ Yes, when I was younger, I loved chocolate at that time but my mother did not allow me to eat chocolate on a regular basis.

The phrase 'was not allowed me' is incorrect; the correct form is 'did not allow me'. Also, 'on that time' should be 'at that time'. The verb 'eat' is needed after 'allow me to'.

× But I was so stubborn on it.

✓ But I was so stubborn about it.

The preposition 'on' is incorrect here. The correct preposition after 'stubborn' is 'about'.

× I still remember one of my uncle gave me so many chocolates and I ate it all the chocolates but my mother was not happy on it.

✓ I still remember one of my uncles gave me so many chocolates and I ate all the chocolates, but my mother was not happy about it.

'One of my uncle' should be 'one of my uncles' (plural). 'Ate it all the chocolates' is incorrect; it should be 'ate all the chocolates'. The preposition 'on' after 'not happy' should be 'about'.

× I still remember one of my uncle gave me so many chocolates and I ate it all the chocolates but my mother was not happy on it.

✓ I still remember one of my uncles gave me so many chocolates and I ate all the chocolates, but my mother was not happy about it.

The preposition 'on' after 'not happy' is incorrect; the correct preposition is 'about'.

× I feel it because it is very sugary.

✓ I think so because it is very sugary.

The phrase 'I feel it' is awkward here. 'I think so' is more appropriate to express opinion. Also, 'because it is very sugary' is correct.

× If you want to give gift on to your special person, you can give it as a gift.

✓ If you want to give a gift to your special person, you can give it as a gift.

The phrase 'give gift on to' is incorrect. The correct preposition is 'give a gift to'. Also, the article 'a' is needed before 'gift'.

× Here is a popular chocolate which name is Ferrero Rocher.

✓ Here is a popular chocolate called Ferrero Rocher.

The phrase 'which name is' is incorrect. The correct form is 'called'. Also, 'a popular chocolate' is correct.

× It is familiar towards the worldwide.

✓ It is famous worldwide.

The phrase 'familiar towards the worldwide' is incorrect. The correct phrase is 'famous worldwide'.

× Also it's flavors are kind of chocolaties milkish.

✓ Also, its flavors are kind of milky chocolate.

'It's' is a contraction for 'it is'; the possessive pronoun 'its' is needed here. 'Chocolaties milkish' is incorrect; 'milky chocolate' is the correct adjective-noun combination.

× This kind of flavors are my favorite for all the time.

✓ This kind of flavor is my favorite all the time.

'Kind' is singular, so it should be 'flavor' singular and 'is' singular verb. 'For all the time' is awkward; 'all the time' is better.

× In our country we gift most flowers and chocolates as a symbol of presence chocolate.

✓ In our country, we give most flowers and chocolates as a symbol of presence.

The phrase 'gift most flowers' is awkward; 'give' is better. 'Presence chocolate' is unclear and likely incorrect; 'presence' alone is better or 'presence of chocolate' if intended.

× Most of the people around us like chocolates a lot.

✓ Most people around us like chocolates a lot.

'Most of the people' is wordy; 'Most people' is more natural.

× So I think it is more evident that chocolate is gifting and another to another as a gift so it it is good for.

✓ So I think it is common to give chocolate as a gift from one person to another, so it is good for that purpose.

The original sentence is unclear and grammatically incorrect. It is restructured for clarity and correctness.