Chocolate— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Try to start your answer directly and avoid unnecessary phrases like 'That's not a question to ask.' Also, keep your answer concise and avoid repeating the same idea. Use linking words to connect your ideas smoothly.

例: Yes, I love eating chocolate because I have a sweet tooth. My favourite brand is Linda, an American company, especially their milk chocolate, which I find delicious.

提案: Try to structure your answer clearly by starting with a direct response, then adding reasons or details. Avoid run-on sentences and use linking words like 'however' or 'but' to connect ideas.

例: I eat chocolate once or twice a week. Although I wish I could eat it every day, I try to limit it because it's not very healthy. However, I often choose milk chocolates because I enjoy their creamy taste.

提案: Avoid rhetorical questions like 'Who doesn't love chocolates?' and focus on directly answering the question. Also, try to make your sentences clearer and avoid vague phrases like 'I was always in the thing.' Use linking words to improve coherence.

例: Yes, I often ate chocolate as a child. I enjoyed trying new brands because they amazed me. Each time I tried a new chocolate, I felt very excited and happy.

提案: Start with a clear topic sentence and avoid repeating the same idea. Use precise vocabulary like 'smooth' instead of 'smoothie' and connect your ideas with linking words such as 'because' or 'as'.

例: Chocolate is popular worldwide because people of all ages enjoy its smooth texture and delicious taste. Moreover, it is widely available in many countries, which adds to its popularity.

提案: Avoid repeating the same information and try to make your sentences more concise. Use linking words like 'because' to explain your preferences clearly.

例: My favourite flavour of chocolate is butterscotch because it contains nuts. I enjoy chocolates with nuts, milk, and butter, and butterscotch is at the top of my list. Whenever I see it, I like to buy it.

提案: Your answer is good but try to use more natural phrasing and avoid awkward expressions like 'there has been a quite good packaging.' Use linking words to make your answer flow better.

例: Yes, chocolate is a great gift for occasions like birthdays and anniversaries. Nowadays, chocolates come in attractive packaging, which makes them popular gifts among people.

× I love chocolate as I have a sweet tooth and my favorite chocolate is Linda, which is an American brand and I love the chocolates of that brand and mainly the milk chocolate of it.

✓ I love chocolate as I have a sweet tooth and my favorite chocolate is Linda, which is an American brand, and I love the chocolates from that brand, mainly the milk chocolate.

The phrase 'the chocolates of that brand' is incorrect; the correct preposition is 'from' to indicate origin or source. Also, 'mainly the milk chocolate of it' is awkward; 'mainly the milk chocolate' is clearer and more natural.

× I eat once or twice a week chocolate which I think can be reduced because it's not good for my health, but I can't resist and I often eat chocolates which contains milk.

✓ I eat chocolate once or twice a week, which I think can be reduced because it's not good for my health, but I can't resist and I often eat chocolates which contain milk.

The phrase 'once or twice a week chocolate' is incorrect; 'eat chocolate once or twice a week' is the correct word order. Also, 'chocolates which contains milk' is wrong because 'chocolates' is plural and should be followed by 'contain' not 'contains'.

× Did you often eat chocolate when you were a kid? Student: Who doesn't love chocolates when we're kids?

✓ Who didn't love chocolates when we were kids?

The question is in past tense, so the answer should also be in past tense for consistency. 'Doesn't' and 'we're' are present tense; they should be 'didn't' and 'we were' respectively.

× As a child I used to eat many chocolates and I was always in the thing that I had to try new chocolate brands, which would amaze me, and whenever I tried a new chocolate I felt like I was over them.

✓ As a child, I used to eat a lot of chocolates and I was always in the mindset that I had to try new chocolate brands, which would amaze me, and whenever I tried a new chocolate, I felt like I was over them.

'Many chocolates' is less natural than 'a lot of chocolates' in this context. Also, 'in the thing' is incorrect; 'in the mindset' or 'in the habit' is appropriate. Commas are added for clarity.

× Chocolate is a thing which has been popular around the world almost in every country and adults also liked it with children because it's a thing which is loved by almost everyone because of its smoothie, texture and taste.

✓ Chocolate is something that has been popular around the world in almost every country, and adults also like it along with children because it's something loved by almost everyone because of its smooth texture and taste.

'Smoothie' is incorrect; the correct adjective is 'smooth'. Also, 'liked' should be 'like' to maintain present tense consistency. 'A thing' is better replaced with 'something' for naturalness.

× My favorite flavour of chocolate is butterscotch as it contains nut.

✓ My favorite flavour of chocolate is butterscotch as it contains nuts.

'Nut' should be plural 'nuts' because chocolates usually contain multiple nuts or nut pieces.

× Butterscotch is one of my favorite chocolates and it's the top of the list and whenever I see anywhere I just grab that.

✓ Butterscotch is one of my favorite chocolates and it's at the top of the list, and whenever I see it anywhere, I just grab it.

'The top of the list' should be 'at the top of the list'. Also, 'whenever I see anywhere' is incomplete; it should be 'whenever I see it anywhere'. 'That' should be 'it' referring to butterscotch chocolate.

× Chocolate can be gifted on various occasions of birthdays and anniversaries and people often gift this to their loved ones as nowadays there has been a quite good packaging of chocolate in the markets which are trending and most people are liking to buy it.

✓ Chocolate can be gifted on various occasions like birthdays and anniversaries, and people often gift it to their loved ones as nowadays there is quite good packaging of chocolate in the markets which is trending and most people like to buy it.

'Occasions of birthdays' should be 'occasions like birthdays'. 'Gift this' is better as 'gift it'. 'There has been a quite good packaging' is awkward; 'there is quite good packaging' is better. 'Which are trending' should be 'which is trending' because 'packaging' is singular. 'Most people are liking to buy it' is incorrect; 'most people like to buy it' is correct.