Chocolate— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Try to avoid grammatical errors and redundancy. Use simpler and clearer sentences, and ensure subject-verb agreement. For example, say 'I like eating chocolate because it helps me relieve stress.'

例: I like eating chocolate because it helps me relieve stress. Whenever I feel overwhelmed, I eat a piece of chocolate, and it makes me feel relaxed and happy.

提案: Focus on clarity and correct tense usage. Avoid confusing phrases and be more specific about frequency. For example, say 'I usually eat high-quality chocolate once a week, especially when I feel stressed or bored.'

例: I usually eat high-quality chocolate once a week, especially when I feel stressed or bored. It helps me feel better and enjoy a little treat.

提案: Improve sentence structure and grammar. Use linking words to connect ideas smoothly. For example, say 'Yes, I used to eat chocolate every day as a child, but my mother often reminded me to limit it, so I gradually reduced my consumption as I grew up.'

例: Yes, I used to eat chocolate every day as a child. However, my mother often reminded me to limit it, so I gradually reduced my consumption as I grew up.

提案: Use clearer and more natural expressions. Avoid awkward phrases like 'mood will sync up.' For example, say 'Chocolate is popular worldwide because of its sweet taste and smooth texture, which help people feel relaxed and improve their mood.'

例: Chocolate is popular worldwide because of its sweet taste and smooth texture. Many people feel relaxed and happier after eating it.

提案: Use correct comparative forms and avoid redundancy. For example, say 'My favourite chocolate flavour is strawberry because it is smoother than others and melts quickly in the mouth.'

例: My favourite chocolate flavour is strawberry because it is smoother than others and melts quickly in my mouth.

提案: Avoid repetition and improve sentence flow. Use simpler and clearer sentences. For example, say 'Yes, chocolate makes a great gift because most people enjoy its smooth texture and taste, and receiving it usually makes them happy.'

例: Yes, chocolate makes a great gift because most people enjoy its smooth texture and taste. Giving chocolate as a gift often makes people happy.

× As I like to eat chocolates because it's gives me stress relief.

✓ As I like to eat chocolates because it gives me stress relief.

The verb 'gives' should be used with the third person singular subject 'it'. The contraction 'it's' stands for 'it is', which is incorrect here. The correct form is 'it gives'.

× When I feel overboard or overstressed, I quickly grab a chocolate and have it.

✓ When I feel overwhelmed or overstressed, I quickly grab a chocolate and have it.

The word 'overboard' is incorrectly used; the correct word is 'overwhelmed' to express feeling stressed. This is a vocabulary choice related to prepositional meaning.

× Not sure certainly, but when I will feel bored or stressful I will quickly grab a chocolate.

✓ Not sure certainly, but when I feel bored or stressed, I quickly grab a chocolate.

The modal 'will' is incorrectly used for habitual actions; present simple tense is appropriate here. Also, 'stressful' is an adjective describing situations, 'stressed' is the correct adjective for feelings.

× Often I can say that weekly price I will have it them that will not ordinary chocolates, very quality chocolates I will consume.

✓ Often I can say that weekly, I will have them; they will not be ordinary chocolates, but very high-quality chocolates I will consume.

The sentence has quantifier and article errors; 'price' is incorrect, likely meant 'basis' or 'frequency'. Also, 'very quality chocolates' is incorrect; 'very high-quality chocolates' is correct. The sentence structure is also improved for clarity.

× Yes, when I was a kid on everyday I used to grab a chocolate.

✓ Yes, when I was a kid, every day I used to grab a chocolate.

The phrase 'on everyday' is incorrect; 'every day' (two words) is the correct expression to indicate frequency.

× My mom used to scold me everyday as I was listening her words and her instructions regarding limitation of the chocolates.

✓ My mom used to scold me every day as I was listening to her words and her instructions regarding the limitation of chocolates.

The verb 'listening' requires the preposition 'to' before the object. Also, 'everyday' should be 'every day' and 'limitation of the chocolates' needs the definite article 'the' and plural 'chocolates' without 'the' is acceptable but 'the limitation of chocolates' is better.

× Because of its sweetness and smooth texture, most of the people feel after having chocolate, they feel stress relief and mood will sync up.

✓ Because of its sweetness and smooth texture, most people feel stress relief after having chocolate, and their mood improves.

The phrase 'most of the people' is better as 'most people'. The sentence structure is improved for clarity. 'Mood will sync up' is awkward; 'mood improves' is clearer.

× Strawberry is my favorite flavour of the chocolate because it feels more smoother than comparing to any other flavours and it melts like anything when we keep it in our mouth.

✓ Strawberry is my favorite flavour of chocolate because it feels smoother than any other flavours and it melts quickly when we keep it in our mouth.

The phrase 'more smoother' is incorrect; 'smoother' is the correct comparative form. 'Than comparing to' is redundant; use 'than'. 'Melts like anything' is informal and unclear; 'melts quickly' is better.

× Yes, it's a great idea and I think it is good to use chocolate as a gift to others because no one would avoid chocolates while we presented it as a gift.

✓ Yes, it's a great idea and I think it is good to use chocolate as a gift for others because no one would avoid chocolates when we present them as a gift.

The phrase 'while we presented it' is incorrect; 'when we present them' is correct for present habitual action and plural 'chocolates'.

× Almost all people love chocolates because of its smooth texture and smoothness and people will feel very happy when there is so such kind of gifts.

✓ Almost all people love chocolates because of their smooth texture, and people feel very happy when there are such kinds of gifts.

The pronoun 'its' should be 'their' to agree with plural 'chocolates'. 'So such kind of gifts' is incorrect; 'such kinds of gifts' is correct. Also, 'will feel' changed to 'feel' for general truth.