Chocolate— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Try to avoid filler words like 'umm' and 'uh' to make your answer sound more natural and confident. Also, be more specific about why you like the texture and how chocolate boosts your mood, using linking words to connect your ideas smoothly.

例: I really enjoy eating chocolate, especially Milky chocolate, because it has a smooth and creamy texture. Moreover, eating chocolate can improve my mood when I feel sad, as it contains ingredients that make me feel happier.

提案: Your answer is clear but could be more concise and structured. Use linking words to connect your ideas and avoid redundancy. Also, try to use more precise vocabulary, for example, 'reduce' instead of 'cut them off'.

例: I usually eat chocolate two or three times a week. However, I am trying to reduce my intake because it contains trans fats, which can harm the cardiovascular system.

提案: Your answer is a bit unclear and contains grammatical errors. Start with a clear topic sentence, then provide specific supporting details. Avoid vague phrases like 'or something' and use linking words to improve coherence.

例: When I was a child, chocolate was considered a luxury item, mostly for wealthy kids. I occasionally received chocolate as a reward for doing well in my exams.

提案: Avoid informal phrases like 'you know' and improve sentence structure. Use linking words to connect your ideas and be more precise with vocabulary, for example, 'smooth' instead of 'smoothie'.

例: I believe chocolate is popular worldwide because of its exceptional flavour and texture. It is smooth and creamy, with a strong cocoa taste that many people enjoy.

提案: Your answer is somewhat repetitive and contains unclear terms like 'vanilla muki chocolate'. Be specific and use correct vocabulary. Also, structure your answer with a clear topic sentence and supporting details.

例: My favourite flavours of chocolate are those with raisins, vanilla, and salted chocolate with cashew nuts because they offer a nice combination of sweet and salty tastes.

提案: Avoid informal phrases like 'you know' and improve sentence structure. Use linking words to connect your points and be more precise with vocabulary, for example, 'affordable' instead of 'not super expensive'.

例: I think giving chocolate as a gift is a great idea. Firstly, it is affordable, so it won't cost much. Secondly, most people enjoy chocolate, so it is unlikely to be an unsuitable gift.

× I absolutely enjoy eating chocolate, especially the Milky chocolate since they're usually quite tasty.

✓ I absolutely enjoy eating chocolate, especially Milky chocolate since it's usually quite tasty.

The phrase 'Milky chocolate' is singular, so the pronoun should be 'it' instead of 'they'. This is a singular and plural agreement issue.

× Umm, also with good texture.

✓ Umm, it also has a good texture.

The original sentence lacks a subject and verb and incorrectly uses 'with' to describe texture. The correction adds a subject and verb and uses 'has' to properly describe the texture.

× Sometimes it can also boost up your mood, uh, if you're sad or something.

✓ Sometimes it can also boost your mood, uh, if you're sad or something.

The phrasal verb 'boost up' is incorrect here; 'boost' alone is correct. Removing 'up' improves the sentence.

× I eat chocolate twice or three times a week.

✓ I eat chocolate two or three times a week.

Numbers from one to ten are usually written in words in formal English. Also, 'twice or three times' is awkward; 'two or three times' is clearer.

× I'm trying to cut them off a bit from my diet cause it contains trans fat which is not good for the cardiovascular system.

✓ I'm trying to cut it off a bit from my diet because it contains trans fat which is not good for the cardiovascular system.

'Them' is plural but 'chocolate' is uncountable singular here, so 'it' is correct. Also, 'cause' should be 'because' for formal correctness.

× One was a kid.

✓ When I was a kid.

The original sentence lacks a subject and is incomplete. 'When I was a kid' correctly introduces the time frame.

× Chocolate is more like a fancy thing for rich kids I do get.

✓ Chocolate was more like a fancy thing for rich kids, I think.

The sentence has tense inconsistency and awkward phrasing. 'I do get' is incorrect here; 'I think' or 'I believe' is better. Also, 'is' should be 'was' to match past context.

× I did get chocolate as a reward sometimes if I performed really well in my exam or something.

✓ I got chocolate as a reward sometimes if I performed really well in my exams or something.

The auxiliary 'did' is unnecessary here; simple past 'got' is sufficient. Also, 'exam' should be plural 'exams' for generality.

× I think because the flavor and texture of chocolate are just quite exceptional, you know, which is quite smoothie and creamy at the same time.

✓ I think the flavor and texture of chocolate are just quite exceptional, you know, being quite smooth and creamy at the same time.

'Smoothie' is a noun (a drink), but the adjective 'smooth' is needed here. Also, 'which is' is incorrect referring to plural 'flavor and texture'; rephrased to 'being'.

× It has the strong flavor of cocoa, so most of people can just enjoy it.

✓ It has the strong flavor of cocoa, so most people can just enjoy it.

The phrase 'most of people' is incorrect; it should be 'most people' without 'of'.

× Chocolate. I really enjoy the chocolate with raisins or vanilla muki chocolate, as well as the salted chocolate with cashew nuts.

✓ Chocolate. I really enjoy chocolate with raisins or vanilla milky chocolate, as well as salted chocolate with cashew nuts.

'Muki' is likely a typo for 'milky'. Also, 'the chocolate' is unnecessary before 'with raisins' and 'salted chocolate'.

× I think it is a great idea. First of all, it's not super expensive and you know it wouldn't cost you a lot of money.

✓ I think it is a great idea. First of all, it's not super expensive and, you know, it wouldn't cost you a lot of money.

Added commas for clarity and natural speech flow; no major grammar error but improves readability.

× Second of all, most of people just like chocolate, so it will never go wrong.

✓ Second of all, most people just like chocolate, so it will never go wrong.

'Most of people' is incorrect; it should be 'most people' without 'of'.