Chocolate— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: 답변이 자연스럽지 않고 문법적 오류가 있습니다. 'delicious'라는 형용사를 명확하게 사용하고, 중복된 표현을 피하며, 문장을 명확하게 구성하는 연습이 필요합니다. 또한, 'Ann'과 같은 불필요한 단어는 제거해야 합니다.

例: I really enjoy eating chocolate because it tastes delicious and helps me feel relaxed, especially when I study English. It also helps me concentrate and boosts my energy.

提案: 답변이 다소 중복되고 문장이 매끄럽지 않습니다. 문장을 간결하고 명확하게 구성하며, 불필요한 단어를 제거하고, 연결어를 사용해 문장 간 논리적 흐름을 개선하세요.

例: I usually eat chocolate once a day because I study English every day to improve my score. When I feel tired, I eat chocolate to relax and boost my energy. I especially like dark chocolate.

提案: 문법 오류와 중복 표현이 있습니다. 'used to'를 올바르게 사용하고, 숫자 표현을 명확히 하며, 문장을 자연스럽게 연결하는 연습이 필요합니다.

例: Yes, I used to eat chocolate about twice a week when I was a child. However, my mom was concerned about cavities, so she limited how much chocolate I could eat. Therefore, I didn't eat it every day.

提案: 답변이 비교적 명확하지만, 더 구체적인 이유와 연결어를 사용해 내용을 풍부하게 만들면 좋겠습니다. 예를 들어, 초콜릿의 역사나 문화적 측면을 간단히 언급할 수 있습니다.

例: I think chocolate is popular worldwide because it tastes delicious and makes people happy. Additionally, its long history and availability in many cultures contribute to its popularity. For example, I often eat chocolate while studying English because it helps me relax.

提案: 문법과 어휘 사용에 주의가 필요합니다. 'rich flavor'와 'less sweet than'과 같은 표현을 정확히 사용하고, 문장을 완성하여 명확한 의미 전달을 연습하세요.

例: I like all kinds of chocolate, but I especially enjoy dark chocolate because it has a rich flavor and is less sweet than milk chocolate. I also like chocolate that contains a lot of nuts because it adds a nice texture.

提案: 중복된 단어와 어색한 표현이 있습니다. 문장을 간결하게 만들고, 'easy to find'와 같은 표현을 자연스럽게 사용하며, 문장 끝을 명확하게 마무리하는 연습이 필요합니다.

例: Yes, I think chocolate is a great gift because it is delicious and makes people happy. Moreover, it is easy to find in many stores and often comes in beautiful packaging.

× I really enjoy eating chocolate because it has delicious.

✓ I really enjoy eating chocolate because it is delicious.

The word 'delicious' is an adjective and should describe a noun or pronoun. 'Has delicious' is incorrect because 'has' requires a noun object, not an adjective. The correct form is 'it is delicious' to describe chocolate.

× Ann.

'Ann.' is an incomplete sentence or filler without meaning. It should be removed or replaced with a complete sentence.

× It can help me concentrate more an.

✓ It can help me concentrate more.

The word 'an' at the end is unnecessary and incorrect here. The sentence should end after 'more' to be grammatically correct.

× Boost.

'Boost.' is a fragment and not a complete sentence. It should be connected to the previous sentence or removed.

× I usually I eat chocolate once a day.

✓ I usually eat chocolate once a day.

The repetition of 'I' is incorrect. The sentence should have only one subject 'I' before the verb.

× Because I study everyday, I study English everyday to improve my odds score.

✓ Because I study every day, I study English every day to improve my TOEIC score.

'Everyday' is an adjective meaning common or normal; the correct adverb form is 'every day' meaning each day. Also, 'odds score' seems to be a mishearing or typo; likely intended 'TOEIC score' which is a common English test.

× So when I feel tired or my study, I usually eat chocolate to be relaxed.

✓ So when I feel tired from studying, I usually eat chocolate to relax.

The phrase 'or my study' is incorrect and unclear. 'To be relaxed' is awkward; 'to relax' is the correct infinitive form to express purpose.

× Ann. To boost my energy.

✓ To boost my energy.

'Ann.' is a filler and should be removed. 'To boost my energy.' is a sentence fragment and should be connected to the previous sentence or rephrased.

× Especially I like dark chocolate.

✓ Especially, I like dark chocolate.

A comma after 'Especially' is needed to separate the introductory adverb from the main clause.

× Yes, I used to eat chocolate when I was in child.

✓ Yes, I used to eat chocolate when I was a child.

The phrase 'in child' is incorrect; the correct expression is 'a child' to indicate age or stage.

× Bout 2 twice a week.

✓ About twice a week.

'Bout' is a colloquial contraction of 'about' and '2 twice' is redundant. The correct phrase is 'About twice a week.'

× But my mom was concerned about my cavity so she limited how much chocolate do I have to eat.

✓ But my mom was concerned about my cavities, so she limited how much chocolate I could eat.

'Cavity' should be plural 'cavities' when referring to dental issues generally. The clause 'how much chocolate do I have to eat' is incorrect; it should be 'how much chocolate I could eat' to express limitation in past tense.

× So I didn't eat every every day.

✓ So I didn't eat chocolate every day.

Repetition of 'every' is incorrect. Also, adding 'chocolate' clarifies the object of the sentence.

× I think chocolate is popular worldwide because it is delicious and it makes people happy.

✓ I think chocolate is popular worldwide because it is delicious and makes people happy.

The second 'it' is unnecessary and can be omitted for smoother sentence flow.

× In my case, I study English everyday to improve my score, so I usually eat chocolate while I'm studying.

✓ In my case, I study English every day to improve my score, so I usually eat chocolate while studying.

'Everyday' should be 'every day' as an adverb. 'While I'm studying' can be simplified to 'while studying' for conciseness.

× And it makes me relaxed.

✓ And it makes me feel relaxed.

'Makes me relaxed' is incorrect; the verb 'make' is followed by an object plus base verb or adjective. 'Feel relaxed' is the correct expression.

× Dark chocolate has reach flavor and less sweet then other milk chocolate.

✓ Dark chocolate has a rich flavor and is less sweet than other milk chocolates.

'Reach' should be 'rich' to describe flavor. 'Less sweet then' should be 'less sweet than' for comparison. 'Milk chocolate' should be plural 'milk chocolates' to refer generally.

× Also, I like chocolate with contains a lot of nuts.

✓ Also, I like chocolate that contains a lot of nuts.

'Chocolate with contains' is incorrect. The correct relative clause is 'chocolate that contains'.

× Because it can it. It.

These are incomplete fragments without meaning and should be removed or rewritten.

× Yes, I think chocolate is a great gift to others because because it is delicious and makes people happy.

✓ Yes, I think chocolate is a great gift for others because it is delicious and makes people happy.

'Gift to others' is less common; 'gift for others' is the correct prepositional phrase. Also, 'because' is repeated unnecessarily.

× Moreover, it is easy to be find nearby us and sometimes it has beautiful packaging.

✓ Moreover, it is easy to find near us and sometimes it has beautiful packaging.

'To be find' is incorrect; the correct form is 'to find'. 'Nearby us' should be 'near us'.

× Sometimes it has beauty.

✓ Sometimes it has beautiful packaging.

The sentence is incomplete or unclear. Likely intended to say 'Sometimes it has beautiful packaging' as in the previous sentence.