Chocolate— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Try to make your answer more fluent and coherent by avoiding sentence fragments and using linking words. Also, provide more specific reasons and avoid redundancy. For example, explain how chocolate affects mood with clear sentences.

例: Yes, I love eating chocolate because it contains compounds that can boost happiness hormones, which improve my mood. Therefore, I often enjoy sweet treats like chocolate to feel better.

提案: Your answer is unclear and fragmented. Try to give a direct response with clear frequency and use linking words to explain your habits.

例: I usually eat chocolate a few times a week, especially when I feel like I need a little energy boost or a sweet treat.

提案: Try to organize your answer with clear sentences and use linking words to connect ideas. Provide specific examples and avoid incomplete sentences.

例: Yes, I ate a lot of chocolate as a child, which sometimes made me hyperactive. I especially liked a certain brand that I still enjoy today, and eating chocolate brings back good memories from my childhood.

提案: Avoid repeating the same words and try to give more detailed reasons. Use linking words to make your answer more coherent.

例: I believe chocolate is popular worldwide mainly because of its delicious taste and the fact that it can improve mood by releasing happiness hormones. Additionally, some types of chocolate have health benefits, which adds to their appeal.

提案: Try to speak more clearly and avoid repetition. Structure your answer with a topic sentence and supporting details using linking words.

例: My favourite flavour is white chocolate because I enjoy its creamy taste, even though some people say it's not real chocolate. I also like dark chocolate since it is healthier and rich in antioxidants.

提案: Make your sentences complete and fluent. Use linking words to connect ideas and provide clear reasons why chocolate is a good gift.

例: I think giving chocolate as a gift is a great way to show appreciation because it is simple, thoughtful, and most people enjoy eating it.

× I think chocolate is very healthy for you and it can. Increase the hormones of happiness.

✓ I think chocolate is very healthy for you and it can increase the hormones of happiness.

The sentence was incorrectly split into two parts, causing a sentence structure error. The period after 'can' should be removed to form a complete sentence. This improves clarity and grammatical correctness.

× And it makes you in a good mood.

✓ And it puts you in a good mood.

The phrase 'makes you in a good mood' is incorrect. The correct expression is 'puts you in a good mood' to indicate causing a mood change.

× So sweet treats like chocolate.

✓ So, sweet treats like chocolate are enjoyable.

The original sentence is a fragment lacking a verb and subject. Adding 'are enjoyable' completes the sentence and clarifies the meaning.

× I often eat about. Choose slices of chocolate today.

✓ I often eat about a few slices of chocolate today.

The sentence is fragmented and unclear. 'Choose' is incorrectly used. Replacing it with 'a few' and removing the period creates a coherent sentence.

× Yes, I definitely ate a lot of chocolate when I was a kid. And it made me really hyper. But it was. Good,

✓ Yes, I definitely ate a lot of chocolate when I was a kid, and it made me really hyper, but it was good.

The sentence is broken incorrectly with periods causing fragments. Combining the clauses with commas improves flow and grammatical correctness.

× I remember it like chocolate. Similar like self brand that I liked when I was a child and I still eat them to this day.

✓ I remember it as chocolate, similar to the self brand that I liked when I was a child, and I still eat it to this day.

The phrase 'like chocolate' should be 'as chocolate' to indicate memory. 'Similar like' is incorrect; 'similar to' is correct. Also, 'them' should be 'it' to agree with singular 'brand'.

× Chocolate has good memories when I was a kid.

✓ Chocolate brings back good memories from when I was a kid.

The original sentence is awkward and unclear. Rephrasing clarifies that chocolate evokes good memories.

× I know they some people they say like white chocolate is not a real chocolate.

✓ I know some people say that white chocolate is not real chocolate.

The pronouns 'they' are unnecessary and incorrect here. Removing them and restructuring the sentence improves clarity.

× 'Cause it's combined combines milk and chocolate together so it can become white.

✓ Because it combines milk and chocolate together, it becomes white.

The phrase 'combined combines' is redundant. Also, 'Cause' is informal; 'Because' is more appropriate. The sentence is restructured for clarity.

× I personally love white chocolate.

✓ I personally love white chocolate.

No correction needed; sentence is grammatically correct.

× Using chocolate gift as a gift to others.

✓ Using chocolate as a gift for others.

The phrase 'chocolate gift as a gift' is redundant. Also, 'to others' is better expressed as 'for others' in this context.

× It's a great way to show people that you appreciate them with something simple. But something that they will love.

✓ It's a great way to show people that you appreciate them with something simple but something that they will love.

The sentence is fragmented. Combining the two parts with 'but' creates a complete sentence.

× And they would like eat. They would use it.

✓ And they would like to eat it. They would use it.

The phrase 'like eat' is missing 'to' before the verb. Adding 'to' corrects the infinitive form.