Memory— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Your answer is somewhat repetitive and contains many fillers like 'umm' and 'uh', which affect the natural flow. Try to be more concise and avoid redundancy by directly stating your point with clear examples. Also, structure your answer with a clear topic sentence followed by supporting details.

例: Yes, I am quite good at memorising things. For instance, I always remember important dates like my children's birthdays and the details of their first birthday parties.

提案: Your answer is relevant but contains repetition and some grammatical errors. Try to use linking words to connect ideas smoothly and avoid repeating the same phrases. Also, clarify the sequence of events to make your answer more coherent.

例: Yes, when I was young, I once forgot my passport while traveling. As a result, I had to return home to get it, which was a stressful but unforgettable experience.

提案: Your answer is clear and relevant, but you can improve coherence by using linking words and slightly expanding your supporting details. Also, try to avoid repeating 'need to' too often.

例: In my daily life, I have to remember my two children's schedules. For example, I keep track of their school times, after-school clubs, and the items they need to bring each day.

提案: Your answer is relevant but contains some hesitation and minor repetition. Try to speak more fluently by reducing fillers and repeating words. Also, use linking words to connect your past and present habits smoothly.

例: I used to write down my daily activities in a schedule, but now I usually use my smartphone calendar because it is more convenient and helps me remember important tasks.

× I have some good memories because umm, I always remember things that umm, umm, even some tiny things, some treasures, things I always remember clearly.

✓ I have some good memories because I always remember things, even some tiny things, some treasures, things I always remember clearly.

The original sentence has redundant filler words 'umm' which do not affect grammar but reduce clarity. Removing them improves sentence clarity and flow.

× Like for example, when is my, uh, children's birthday and where they, uh, have their first birthday party or something.

✓ Like for example, when my children's birthdays are and where they had their first birthday party or something.

The original sentence incorrectly places 'is' before 'my children's birthday' which is plural; also, the tense for the party should be past ('had') to match the event. Correct pronoun and verb agreement improves clarity.

× When I was very young, I forgot my passport when I traveled.

✓ When I was very young, I forgot my passport when I traveled.

This sentence is correct in past tense; no correction needed.

× It was a very unforgettable experience for me because it is very important to bring the passport for the flight.

✓ It was a very unforgettable experience for me because it was very important to bring the passport for the flight.

The sentence mixes past and present tense. Since the experience is in the past, 'is' should be changed to 'was' to maintain tense consistency.

× When I find that I forgot that I need need to go back home to get my passport and it is a very unforgettable experience.

✓ When I found that I forgot it, I needed to go back home to get my passport, and it was a very unforgettable experience.

The sentence incorrectly uses present tense verbs 'find' and 'need' for a past event. Changing them to past tense 'found' and 'needed' maintains tense consistency.

× I need to take care of two children so I need to remember all of their activities, for example when they need to go to school, do they have any after school clubs and what they need to bring to school every day.

✓ I need to take care of two children, so I need to remember all of their activities, for example, when they need to go to school, whether they have any after-school clubs, and what they need to bring to school every day.

The sentence is mostly correct but adding 'whether' clarifies the question about after-school clubs. Also, adding commas improves readability.

× I used to write down in my schedule in the past to record all my daily activities, but now I I usually use my smartphones because it is more convenient.

✓ I used to write down in my schedule to record all my daily activities, but now I usually use my smartphone because it is more convenient.

The phrase 'in the past' is redundant with 'used to'; removing it improves clarity. Also, 'smartphones' should be singular 'smartphone' to match the context of one device.

× I record all the, uh, daily activities in my smartphone calendar so that I will not forget the important things.

✓ I record all the daily activities in my smartphone calendar so that I will not forget important things.

Removing filler 'uh' improves clarity. Also, 'the important things' can be simplified to 'important things' for naturalness.