Patience— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and directly state one clear reason with a supporting detail. Avoid vague phrases like "keep a career ahead" and reduce redundancy. Use one linking phrase to connect the topic sentence and the example.

例: Yes, I'm a patient person because I can stay calm and persistent when pursuing long-term goals. For example, when I work on a research project I break tasks into small steps and steadily complete them, which helps me stay focused even under stress.

提案: This answer is clear and specific. To improve further, use a linking word to emphasize cause and effect and replace repetition ("when I am tired" and earlier clause) with a concise phrase. Add a brief mention of how you cope to show development.

例: I become impatient when I'm sleep-deprived or under intense pressure because I get irritable and lose focus. For instance, tired at work I may snap at minor issues, so I try to take short breaks to restore concentration.

提案: Improve grammar and coherence: start with a clear topic sentence, use linking words, and provide a concrete example of your process. Avoid vague phrases like "investigate the fact" and limit to two supporting sentences.

例: I generally enjoy working on long-term tasks because they allow steady progress. First, I gather information from colleagues and research sources, then I make a detailed plan and follow it, which helps me stay motivated over time.

提案: Make statements grammatically correct and more precise. Begin with a direct topic sentence, explain why patience is needed with a specific example, and avoid hedging phrases like "I think" or awkward negatives such as "I cannot find desired result usually."

例: Yes, my job as a researcher requires a lot of patience because experiments often fail or take a long time to yield results. For example, when an experiment doesn't work I discuss adjustments with colleagues and repeat tests until we get reliable data.

提案: Correct tense and grammar (e.g., "I got angry easily" and "working as a researcher has made me more patient"). Provide one specific contrast or example of how you changed to make the answer more convincing and use one linking word to show contrast.

例: No, I wasn't patient as a child; I got angry easily and felt pressured. However, working as a researcher has made me more patient because I learned to handle setbacks calmly and persistently, for instance by reviewing failed experiments methodically rather than reacting emotionally.

× I tend to stay calm and persistent when working toward long term goals and even stressful situations.

✓ I tend to stay calm and persistent when working toward long-term goals and during stressful situations.

Use of 'even' is awkward; 'during' is the correct preposition for situations; 'long-term' needs a hyphen when used as a compound adjective. This fixes verb context and preposition use for clarity.

× I try to keep a career ahead and keep making steady progress.

✓ I try to plan my career ahead and keep making steady progress.

Original phrase 'keep a career ahead' is ungrammatical. Use 'plan my career ahead' or 'look ahead in my career' to convey forward planning. This corrects sentence structure and makes meaning clear.

× When I am sleep deprived or under a lot of pressure, I become impatient because I'm irritable and it's difficult to focus.

✓ When I am sleep-deprived or under a lot of pressure, I become impatient because I am irritable and find it difficult to focus.

Use of 'sleep-deprived' as a compound adjective needs a hyphen. Avoid contraction 'I'm' in formal speech is optional; keep consistent forms: 'I am irritable' and 'find it difficult' is clearer than 'it's difficult'. This aligns tense and subject clarity.

× For example, when I am tired at work, I lose concentration quickly and find myself snapping at small problems.

✓ For example, when I am tired at work, I lose concentration quickly and find myself snapping at minor issues.

'Small problems' is acceptable but 'minor issues' is more natural collocation. No tense change needed; this improves word choice and register.

× I enjoy a long term process.

✓ I enjoy long-term processes.

Use plural 'processes' to match general enjoyment of ongoing activities; hyphenate 'long-term' when used adjectivally. This corrects number and punctuation.

× Usually at first I investigate the fact and I will gather information from other people and I plan to do my best.

✓ At first, I usually investigate the facts, gather information from other people, and plan to do my best.

Streamline coordination of verbs: use parallel verb forms ('investigate', 'gather', 'plan') and plural 'facts' for natural collocation. Remove unnecessary 'I will' to keep present simple for habitual actions.

× Yeah, I'll think working as a researcher is a very patient job.

✓ Yes, I think working as a researcher is a very patient job.

'I'll think' incorrectly uses future modal; use present 'I think' to express opinion. Also replace informal 'Yeah' with 'Yes' for formality.

× I cannot find desired result usually.

✓ I usually cannot find the desired result.

Adverb placement: 'usually' typically comes before the main verb; include definite article 'the' with 'desired result' to specify which result. This corrects word order and article use.

× But we have to try to do my best with my colleagues.

✓ But we have to try to do our best with our colleagues.

Pronoun inconsistency: speaker switches from 'we' to 'my'; use 'our' to agree with 'we'. This fixes pronoun reference and maintains subject agreement.

× It's a very challenging process, I think.

✓ It's a very challenging process, I think.

This sentence is grammatical; no change needed. Included to show no error under listed types.

× When I was a child, I was not patient.

✓ When I was a child, I was not patient.

This sentence is grammatically correct in past tense; no change needed. Included to show no error under listed types.

× I get anger easily and a lot of pressure.

✓ I got angry easily and felt a lot of pressure.

Switch to past tense to match 'When I was a child' context: 'get' -> 'got', 'anger' (noun) -> 'angry' (adjective), and express pressure with past tense 'felt'. This corrects tense and word form.

× But working as a researcher have made me become a patient person.

✓ But working as a researcher has made me become a patient person.

Subject 'working' is singular gerund; verb must be 'has' not 'have'. This corrects subject-verb agreement.

× Now I'm very persistent and consistent.

✓ Now I am very persistent and consistent.

Contraction 'I'm' is acceptable; change to 'I am' for formality if desired. No grammatical error beyond register. Included to show optional revision.