Patience— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and correct grammar. Start with a clear topic sentence, then give one or two specific supporting details using linking words. Avoid repetition and fix small errors (e.g., “if somebody is late for our meeting”).

例: Yes, I consider myself patient. For example, I can calmly wait for appointments or tolerate someone arriving late to a meeting, and I often read books while I wait to stay relaxed.

提案: Clarify the cause and use correct verb forms. Give a precise example and link reason to feeling. Avoid unclear phrases like “like my car is.”

例: I feel impatient when driving because other drivers cut in front of me without signaling. For instance, if someone suddenly moves into my lane, I become annoyed since it feels unsafe and disruptive.

提案: Provide a clear topic sentence and one complete example. Use linking words (“however,” “for example”) and finish sentences fully. Avoid repeating the same phrase.

例: It depends on the activity; however, I usually get bored if I do something for too long. For example, when I work on a complicated puzzle for hours, I lose interest and take a break to refresh my mind.

提案: Use a complete, natural sentence and correct word forms. Give a brief specific detail about why patience is needed, using linking words to explain the reason.

例: Definitely. My job involves hands-on procedures with patients, so I need to be careful and meticulous to ensure their safety and comfort.

提案: Make a clear comparison and correct sentence structure. State the topic sentence then give a specific reason for the change, avoiding filler words like “umm.”

例: Yes, I am more patient now than when I was a child because I have more responsibilities, such as work and family, which taught me to stay calm and manage stress better.

× Yes, I think I'm quite patient because I can wait for my appointment or if somebody is late for our my meeting.

✓ Yes, I think I'm quite patient because I can wait for my appointment or if somebody is late for our meeting.

The phrase 'our my meeting' incorrectly uses two possessive determiners together. Use only one appropriate determiner; here 'our meeting' is correct if referring to a meeting between both people. Remove the extra word 'my'. Suggestion: choose the correct possessive ('my' or 'our') and use only one.

× I usually enjoy reading some books.

✓ I usually enjoy reading books.

'Enjoy' is followed by a gerund, which is correct, but 'some' is unnecessary with plural countable 'books' in this general statement. 'Reading books' is more natural. Suggestion: omit 'some' unless you mean a specific subset.

× I often get upset when I am driving because I usually get mad when somebody drive in front of me like my car is.

✓ I often get upset when I am driving because I usually get mad when somebody drives in front of me as if my car were theirs.

There are two issues: subject-verb agreement ('somebody drive' should be 'somebody drives') and an awkward simile at the end. 'Somebody' is singular and requires third person singular verb form. The phrase 'like my car is' is unclear; use 'as if my car were theirs' for correct subjunctive/conditional comparison. Suggestion: use 'drives' after 'somebody' and rephrase comparisons for clarity.

× It depends on what type of activities I do it, but I usually get bored when I have to do something for too long.

✓ It depends on the type of activity I am doing, but I usually get bored when I have to do something for too long.

The original mixes 'type of activities' with 'I do it', which is ungrammatical. Use singular 'type' with singular 'activity' or plural both. Also present progressive 'I am doing' fits the context of ongoing activity. Remove the extraneous 'it'. Suggestion: match number (type/activity) and use appropriate verb forms for clarity.

× For example, when I do a puzzle, I usually get bored when I do it for.

✓ For example, when I do a puzzle, I usually get bored if I do it for a long time.

The clause ends abruptly with 'for' missing its object. Add 'a long time' to complete the time expression and use conditional 'if' or retain 'when' with completion. Suggestion: finish prepositional phrases and choose 'if' or 'when' to reflect certainty.

× Definitely because I have to do hands on procedures with my patients and I have to be more careful and meticulously with them.

✓ Definitely, because I have to do hands-on procedures with my patients, and I have to be more careful and meticulous with them.

Missing hyphen in 'hands-on' when used as a compound adjective and incorrect use of adverb 'meticulously' instead of adjective 'meticulous' to parallel 'careful'. Also add commas for clarity. Suggestion: use 'hands-on' with a hyphen and parallel adjectives ('careful and meticulous').

× Definitely, I think umm quite calm and difficult to get upset.

✓ Definitely. I think I'm quite calm and find it difficult to get upset.

Original lacks subject and verb in the second clause: 'I think umm quite calm' misses 'I'm', and 'difficult to get upset' needs a subject or a structure like 'find it difficult to get upset'. Add 'I'm' and 'find it' to form complete sentences. Suggestion: include necessary verbs and use 'find it difficult' to express the idea.

× The than I was a child, I think because I have many responsibilities.

✓ Than when I was a child, I think, because I have many responsibilities now.

Sentence begins with 'The than' which is incorrect. Use 'than when I was a child' for comparison and add 'now' to clarify the time reference. Also insert commas for readability. Suggestion: use proper comparative phrase 'than when I was a child' and add 'now' to indicate current state.