Patience— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Try to make your answer more concise and natural by avoiding repetition and grammatical errors. Start with a clear topic sentence, then provide a specific example with linking words to improve coherence.

例: Yes, I consider myself a patient person. For instance, when I worked abroad, I often encountered rude customers, but I learned to control my anger and remain calm in those situations.

提案: Focus on clarity and coherence by using linking words and avoiding vague phrases. Be specific about situations that make you impatient and structure your answer logically.

例: I feel impatient when people are rude to others without any reason. For example, in some developing countries, I have noticed that people often behave rudely in various social situations, which I find frustrating.

提案: Avoid filler words and repetition to make your answer more fluent and natural. Use linking words to connect ideas and provide a clear opinion with supporting details.

例: I usually find repetitive tasks quite monotonous and boring. Although I try to stay focused, doing the same routine for a long time can be tiring.

提案: Make your answer more concise and avoid repetition. Use linking words to connect your ideas and provide a clear topic sentence followed by supporting details.

例: Yes, my job at the customer service desk requires a great deal of patience because I interact with many customers daily, which has helped me develop this quality.

提案: Improve fluency by avoiding awkward phrasing and use linking words to show contrast between past and present. Provide a clear topic sentence and specific supporting details.

例: I am definitely more patient now than when I was a child. Back then, I was quite reckless and wanted things to happen quickly, but as I grew older, I realised that patience is important, a lesson my father always emphasised.

× I think I am someone who has a lot of patience in myself.

✓ I think I am someone who has a lot of patience in me.

The phrase 'patience in myself' is incorrect; the correct preposition is 'in me' to indicate possession or presence within oneself.

× I learned this when I was working in abroad, for example, when I was when the when I was working there, they used to be so many rude customers.

✓ I learned this when I was working abroad; for example, when I was working there, there used to be so many rude customers.

The preposition 'in' is not used before 'abroad'; 'working abroad' is correct. Also, 'they used to be' is incorrect; it should be 'there used to be' to indicate existence.

× So I think I am a very patient.

✓ So I think I am very patient.

The word 'patient' is an adjective here and does not require the indefinite article 'a' before it.

× Sometimes people are rude for no reason and especially in countries, little developing countries, I find people very rude to each other.

✓ Sometimes people are rude for no reason, and especially in little developing countries, I find people very rude to each other.

The phrase 'countries, little developing countries' is awkward; it should be 'little developing countries' with proper placement of commas for clarity.

× On different contacts.

✓ On different occasions.

The word 'contacts' is incorrect in this context; the correct word is 'occasions' to mean different times or events.

× Well, anybody would get monotonous when they're working the same thing over and over again.

✓ Well, anybody would get bored when they're doing the same thing over and over again.

The word 'monotonous' is an adjective and cannot be used as a verb; 'get bored' is the correct expression. Also, 'working the same thing' is incorrect; 'doing the same thing' is appropriate.

× As for somebody who's working on a customer service desk, I have to deal with so many customers every single day.

✓ As for somebody who's working at a customer service desk, I have to deal with so many customers every single day.

The correct preposition for locations like 'desk' is 'at' rather than 'on'.

× This job that I work on has built me a lot of patience while dealing with dealing with customers.

✓ This job that I work at has built me a lot of patience while dealing with customers.

The preposition 'on' is incorrect here; 'work at' is the correct phrase for a job location. Also, 'dealing with' is repeated unnecessarily.

× When I grew up, I learned to know that this wouldn't work in real life, and my father always taught me to be patient to myself.

✓ When I grew up, I learned that this wouldn't work in real life, and my father always taught me to be patient with myself.

The phrase 'learned to know' is redundant; 'learned' suffices. Also, the correct preposition is 'patient with myself' not 'patient to myself'.