Snacks— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more direct and concise. Start with a clear topic sentence that answers the question, then add one or two brief supporting details. Remove filler words (uh, um) and avoid rhetorical questions. Use linking words (for example, and, so) to connect ideas and give a specific time pattern.

例: I usually eat snacks in the evening while watching TV or web series. I also snack whenever I feel very hungry and there’s no full meal available, so my snack times vary depending on my schedule and mood.

提案: Give a clear opinion and support it with specific, consistent examples. Avoid contradicting statements (saying snacks are healthy but listing potato chips). Replace fillers and correct vocabulary (dried fruits, not drive fruits). Use one linking phrase (for instance or however) to clarify exceptions.

例: Yes, generally I think snacking can be healthy if you choose the right foods. For example, I usually snack on popcorn (lightly salted), nuts, and dried fruits, although occasionally I might have potato chips as a treat.

提案: Answer directly and add a brief reason or a specific memory to enrich the response. Reduce redundancy (avoid repeating 'I really enjoyed' twice) and use past tense consistently. Use linking words like ‘because’ or ‘so’ to explain why you liked them.

例: Yes, I often ate snacks when I was young because I loved sweets and could buy treats with pocket money. For example, I would buy biscuits and candies from the corner shop and enjoy them after school, even though I knew they weren't very healthy.

提案: Start with a simple direct answer listing your favorite snacks, then add a short qualifying statement. Eliminate hesitations and redundant phrases. Use precise vocabulary (nuts, dried fruits, chips) and one linking word (and or sometimes) to show contrast between healthy choices and treats.

例: I like to eat nuts and dried fruits as my main snacks because they are nutritious. Sometimes I also have chips as a treat when I want something salty.

× Will I eat snacks at night while watching TV or some web series?

✓ Do I eat snacks at night while watching TV or some web series?

The student used 'Will I eat' which is future tense and inappropriate when describing usual habits. Use the simple present 'Do I eat' to ask about regular actions or habits. Suggestion: use simple present for routines (Do/Does + subject + base verb).

× And uh, I also prefer eating, uh, snacks whenever I'm starving.

✓ And I also prefer eating snacks whenever I'm very hungry.

The original uses 'I'm starving' which is acceptable but 'starving' is informal and may be hyperbolic; more importantly the comma placement is awkward. Keep the -ing form 'eating' but streamline the sentence and replace colloquial 'starving' with 'very hungry' for clarity. Suggestion: remove unnecessary fillers and commas and use clear adjectives.

× And I don't have uh, any kind of heavy food to eat, so my snack time can be anytime, anywhere, depending on my mood.

✓ And I don't have any heavy food to eat, so my snack time can be anytime and anywhere, depending on my mood.

'Any kind of heavy food' is wordy; 'any heavy food' is more natural. Also combine 'anytime, anywhere' with 'and' for correct coordination. Suggestion: simplify quantifier phrases and use parallel coordination.

× Uh, in snacks I eat popcorns and potato chips and sometimes uh, some uh, drive fruits and snacks.

✓ For snacks I eat popcorn and potato chips and sometimes dried fruits.

'Popcorns' is incorrect because 'popcorn' is uncountable and should not be pluralized. 'Drive fruits' is a misspelling of 'dried fruits'. Remove redundant 'some' and 'snacks' at the end. Suggestion: use correct forms for uncountable nouns and check spelling.

× Whenever I got money from my mom, I literally went to the shop, bought some pops, biscuits and candies and I really enjoyed those snacks at that time.

✓ Whenever I got money from my mom, I would go to the shop, buy pops, biscuits and candies, and I really enjoyed those snacks.

The sequence mixes simple past verbs; for habitual past actions, use 'would' or 'used to' with base verbs: 'I would go...buy...' or 'I used to go...and buy...'. Also 'literally' is unnecessary. Suggestion: use 'would' or 'used to' for repeated past actions and remove redundant adverbs.

× Yes, I still remember I used to eat a lot of snacks when I was young.

✓ Yes, I still remember that I used to eat a lot of snacks when I was young.

Missing conjunction 'that' after 'remember' makes sentence slightly informal but grammatical; adding 'that' improves clarity. This is a present tense memory referring to past habit, so 'used to' is correct. Suggestion: include 'that' for clear clause introduction.

× So my snacks are quite healthy for me.

✓ So my snacks are fairly healthy for me.

'Quite healthy' can mean very healthy or moderately depending on dialect; 'fairly healthy' is clearer if the intention is moderate healthiness. Also consider 'generally healthy' for broader meaning. Suggestion: choose an adverb that matches intended degree.

× Uh, do I like to eat nutritious and healthy snacks? But if I talk about them, namely I would say I like to eat nuts and dried fruits and sometimes I often eat, uh, chips as treat and, uh.

✓ I like to eat nutritious and healthy snacks. If I talk about specific examples, I would say I like nuts and dried fruits, and sometimes I eat chips as a treat.

The original begins with a question tag 'do I like...' which is inappropriate in answering; convert to a statement. 'Namely' is awkward here; 'specific examples' is clearer. Remove redundant adverbs ('sometimes' and 'often' used together) and add article 'a' before 'treat'. Suggestion: make direct statements when answering and avoid redundant words.