Snacks— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and correct repetitions, use a clear topic sentence, add one linked detail, and correct grammar (avoid doubling words and incomplete clauses). Use linking words like 'so' or 'therefore' correctly. Keep within 3–4 sentences.

例: I usually have a snack between breakfast and lunch to keep my energy up. For example, I often eat one or two bananas because they are filling and provide natural sugars. Therefore, I avoid heavier snacks to help maintain my metabolism.

提案: Start with a clear direct answer, then give one or two specific reasons using linking words like 'however' and 'because'. Avoid vague phrases and redundancy ('so unhealthy', 'really can'). Keep sentences grammatically complete.

例: Yes, I think snacking can be healthy if you choose the right foods. However, snacks high in sugar or fat are harmful because they add empty calories and can lead to weight gain over time.

提案: Provide a more structured response: topic sentence + two supporting details (what you ate and why you changed). Correct tense and grammar (e.g., 'affected' not 'effects', avoid filler words). Use linking words like 'but' and 'so' to show contrast and result.

例: Yes, I snacked a lot when I was young, but I mainly chose chips and chocolate. As a result, I sometimes had stomach problems, so I gradually switched to healthier options as I learned about nutrition.

提案: Begin with a clear statement of current preference, then contrast with past habits using linking words ('whereas', 'now'). Use precise vocabulary ('protein bars', 'nutritious', 'healthier options') and avoid repetition ('actually'). Limit to 2–4 sentences.

例: Now I prefer healthy snacks such as fresh fruit and protein bars because they are more nutritious. Whereas when I was younger I ate chips and chocolate, I now choose snacks that give lasting energy.

× I usually eat snacks now between breakfast and lunch because I like to eat most of my calories during the day.

✓ I usually eat snacks between breakfast and lunch because I like to consume most of my calories during the day.

The adverb 'now' is unnecessary and misleading with 'usually'; removing it improves meaning. 'Eat most of my calories' is awkward; use 'consume most of my calories' for clarity. Ensure present habitual tense remains consistent.

× So I go for any any type of fruits like bananas now.

✓ So I choose any type of fruit, such as bananas.

The sentence has a repeated word 'any any' and incorrect pluralization 'fruits' after 'type of'; use singular 'fruit' after 'type of'. Replace 'go for' with 'choose' for clearer formal speech. Removed 'now' to match habitual meaning.

× Right now I I'm having bananas, I go for a one or two, but I don't go for more because I like just to keep my metabolism going without.

✓ Right now I'm having bananas; I usually have one or two, but I don't have more because I just want to keep my metabolism going.

Fix contractions and duplicate 'I I'm'. Use a semicolon or separate clauses to avoid comma splice. 'Go for a one or two' is incorrect; use 'have one or two'. 'Going without' is incomplete; 'keep my metabolism going' is sufficient. Maintain present continuous for current action and present simple for habitual 'usually'.

× Yes, it's healthy of course, to eat snacks between meals.

✓ Yes, it's healthy, of course, to eat snacks between meals.

Comma placement: 'of course' should be set off by commas. Grammar otherwise fine; adjusted punctuation for clarity.

× However, it's so unhealthy to eat sugary snacks or things that contain a lot of fat because that really can reflect on your health in the longer term and it can actually affect the weight.

✓ However, eating sugary snacks or foods that contain a lot of fat is unhealthy because that can affect your long-term health and your weight.

Avoid 'it's so unhealthy to eat'—using a gerund 'eating' is clearer. 'Reflect on your health in the longer term' is awkward; use 'affect your long-term health'. 'Affect the weight' should be 'affect your weight'.

× And if you are trying to lose weight, it will not help you much getting a snack here and there.

✓ And if you are trying to lose weight, getting a snack here and there will not help you much.

Sentence structure: place the gerund phrase 'getting a snack here and there' as the subject to avoid awkward phrasing 'it will not help you much getting...'. This keeps meaning and tense consistent.

× Yes, I ate snacks when I was young.

✓ Yes, I ate snacks when I was young.

This sentence is already correct; past simple 'ate' matches the time reference 'when I was young'. No change needed.

× However, I didn't go for the right type of snack because I was fully on chips and chocolates and any type of unhealthy sugary thing and that really effects my digestive system.

✓ However, I didn't choose the right types of snack because I relied entirely on chips, chocolates, and other unhealthy sugary foods, and that really affected my digestive system.

'Didn't go for' is informal; 'didn't choose' or 'didn't eat' is better. 'Fully on' should be 'relied entirely on'. 'Any type of unhealthy sugary thing' is vague; use 'other unhealthy sugary foods'. 'Effects' is incorrect verb form; use past 'affected' to match past context.

× And yeah, as I grew older, I know that it's not they are not healthy and I give up on it completely.

✓ And yeah, as I grew older, I realized that they are not healthy, so I gave them up completely.

Tense inconsistency: 'I know' should be past 'I realized' to match 'as I grew older'. Fix pronoun/reference: 'it's not they are not healthy' is ungrammatical; use 'they are not healthy'. 'Give up on it' should be past 'gave them up' and plural 'them' to refer to snacks.

× When I was young I went for unhealthy snacks like chops and chocolate but right now I'm trying to pick a healthiest options possible like fruits and actually healthy protein bars because these are actually more beneficial and more nutritionist than actually unhealthy snacks.

✓ When I was young I chose unhealthy snacks like chips and chocolate, but right now I'm trying to pick the healthiest options possible, like fruits and healthy protein bars, because these are more beneficial and more nutritious than unhealthy snacks.

'Went for' is informal; use 'chose'. 'Chops' is a typo for 'chips'. 'A healthiest options' mixes article and degree; use 'the healthiest options'. Remove redundant 'actually' and correct 'nutritionist' to adjective 'nutritious'. Keep present continuous 'I'm trying' for current action.

× So I go for these right now.

✓ So I choose these now.

'Go for' is informal; 'choose' is clearer. Maintain present simple or present continuous as appropriate; 'choose' fits habitual preference and 'now' indicates current tendency.