Snacks— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Your answer is clear and relevant, but you should avoid minor errors and improve coherence by correcting small mistakes and using linking words more effectively. For example, fix the typo "5 PMA" to "5 PM" and use linking words like "which" or "so" to connect ideas smoothly. Also, try to keep your answer within 4-5 sentences to maintain conciseness.

例: I usually eat snacks during my work breaks, especially when I start to feel tired. For example, I often have a light snack around 5 PM, a few hours before dinner, which helps boost my energy levels and keeps me motivated to finish my tasks efficiently.

提案: Your answer is well-structured and informative. To improve, try to add a linking phrase at the beginning of the second sentence to enhance coherence, such as "For instance" or "Specifically". Also, you can briefly mention why unhealthy snacks are less beneficial to strengthen your argument.

例: Yes, I believe having a snack can be beneficial if you choose the right options. Specifically, fruits like apples and oranges provide essential vitamins and minerals that help maintain energy levels throughout the day. Moreover, these nutritious bites are a better alternative than sweets, which often contain unhealthy fats and excessive sugar that can harm health.

提案: Your answer is detailed and uses good vocabulary. To improve, try to use linking words such as "also" or "in addition" to connect your ideas more smoothly. Additionally, avoid repeating similar phrases like "when I was young" and instead use synonyms or restructure sentences for variety.

例: Yes, I used to eat snacks quite often as a child. For example, I enjoyed the crisp texture and hint of sweetness of a red apple after school. In addition, I loved the rich, chocolaty flavor of cookies, which were my favorite treat during study breaks. Snacking was a regular part of my daily routine because it helped me stay energized throughout the day.

提案: Your answer is relevant but contains some errors and redundancy. For example, "It's juiciness" should be "Its juiciness", and "after school after school" is repeated. Also, try to combine sentences to avoid choppiness and use linking words like "and" or "which" to improve flow.

例: I enjoy a variety of snacks, but my favorite is a red apple because of its crisp texture and natural sweetness. Its juiciness keeps me refreshed, and it's not only delicious but also healthy, packed with essential vitamins and minerals that keep me energized throughout the day. I usually have an apple after school.

× For example, I often have a light snack around 5 PMA few hours before dinner, which also gives me something to look forward for during a busy day.

✓ For example, I often have a light snack around 5 PM, a few hours before dinner, which also gives me something to look forward to during a busy day.

The phrase 'look forward for' is incorrect; the correct preposition to use with 'look forward' is 'to'. Also, there was a missing comma after '5 PM' to separate the clauses properly.

× It's juiciness keeps me refreshed.

✓ Its juiciness keeps me refreshed.

The possessive pronoun 'Its' should be used instead of the contraction 'It's' (which means 'it is'). Using 'It's' here is incorrect because the sentence refers to possession, not a contraction.

× I enjoy eating a variety of snacks, but my favorite have to be a red apple.

✓ I enjoy eating a variety of snacks, but my favorite has to be a red apple.

The subject 'my favorite' is singular, so the verb should be 'has' instead of 'have' to agree in number.

× They're not only delicious but also healthy, packed with essential vitamins and minerals that keep me energized throughout the day.

✓ They are not only delicious but also healthy, packed with essential vitamins and minerals that keep me energized throughout the day.

The pronoun 'They're' is correct as a contraction of 'They are' here, but since the previous sentence refers to 'a red apple' (singular), the pronoun should be singular 'It is' or 'It's' instead of 'They're'. So the corrected sentence should be: 'It is not only delicious but also healthy...'. However, since the student refers to 'a variety of snacks' earlier, if 'They' refers to snacks in general, it is acceptable. But in this context, it refers to the apple, so singular pronoun is needed.

× I would usually have an apple after school after school.

✓ I would usually have an apple after school.

The phrase 'after school' is repeated unnecessarily, which is a redundancy error. Removing the repeated phrase improves clarity and correctness.