Snacks— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Your answer is understandable but could be more natural and concise. Avoid redundancy and improve sentence structure. For example, use linking words to connect ideas smoothly and correct grammar errors such as 'motivate me' to 'motivate myself'.

例: I usually eat snacks after returning from Crump School because studying at home can be tiring. Having a snack helps me relax and motivates me to continue studying.

提案: Your answer conveys the main idea but lacks coherence and contains grammatical errors. Use linking words to connect your points and avoid repetition. Also, be more specific about the effects of sugar on health.

例: I don't think eating snacks is healthy because many of them contain a lot of sugar, which can harm our bodies by increasing the risk of diseases like diabetes.

提案: Your answer is clear but could be improved by using more natural expressions and linking words. Also, correct minor grammar mistakes such as 'got snack for a price' to 'got snacks as a reward'.

例: Yes, I often ate snacks when I was young. For example, my mum would give me a snack as a reward whenever I finished my homework.

提案: Your answer provides good details but is somewhat repetitive. Try to avoid repeating the same information and use linking words to make your answer more coherent.

例: My favourite snack is Black Sander, a delicious and affordable chocolate snack that costs about ¥40 per package. I enjoy it very much because of its great taste and low price.

× I usually eat snacks after going to Crump school because I get tired of studying at home school so by having snacks I can be relaxed and motivate me to study more.

✓ I usually eat snacks after going to Crump school because I get tired of studying at home, so by having snacks I can relax and motivate myself to study more.

The phrase 'can be relaxed' is incorrect because 'relaxed' is an adjective and 'can be' implies passive voice, which is not appropriate here. Instead, 'can relax' uses the verb correctly. Also, 'motivate me' should be 'motivate myself' to correctly use the reflexive pronoun when the subject and object are the same person.

× So the large amount of sugar do bad to our body so I guess it's so bad.

✓ So the large amount of sugar does bad to our body, so I guess it's so bad.

The subject 'amount' is singular, so the verb should be 'does' instead of 'do' to agree in number. This is a subject-verb agreement issue.

× I often got snack for a price.

✓ I often got snacks for a price.

The noun 'snack' should be plural 'snacks' because it refers to multiple instances of eating snacks, not just one.

× For example, when I finish doing school homework I could get snack from my mom.

✓ For example, when I finished doing school homework I could get snacks from my mom.

The verb tense should be past tense 'finished' to match the past context. Also, 'snack' should be plural 'snacks' because it refers to multiple items.

× For example, when I finish doing school homework I could get snack from my mom.

✓ For example, when I finished doing school homework I could get snacks from my mom.

The action happened in the past, so 'finish' should be in the past tense 'finished' to maintain tense consistency.

× So. Snack was like a praise for me in the past.

✓ So, snacks were like praise for me in the past.

'Snack' should be plural 'snacks' because it refers to multiple instances. Also, 'praise' is uncountable and does not need 'a'. The verb should be plural 'were' to agree with the plural subject.

× My favorite snack is Black Sander, which is a chocolate snack which is delicious and very cheap.

✓ My favourite snack is Black Thunder, which is a chocolate snack that is delicious and very cheap.

The product name is likely 'Black Thunder' not 'Black Sander'. Also, 'which' is better replaced by 'that' for defining clauses. 'Favourite' is the British English spelling.

× It costs ¥40 per package. It is very cheap and also it's so delicious, so I like it very much.

✓ It costs ¥40 per package. It is very cheap and also very delicious, so I like it very much.

The phrase 'it's so delicious' is informal; 'very delicious' is more appropriate in this context. Also, the sentence is fine but can be improved for clarity and formality.