Snacks— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Try to make your answer more natural and concise. Start with a clear topic sentence directly answering the question, then add specific supporting details using linking words to improve coherence. Avoid redundancy and unclear phrases like "prom school" and "get it at convenience."

例: I usually eat snacks after school because studying all day makes me tired. For example, I often have a pastry as a treat to reward myself for working hard.

提案: Make your answer clearer and more structured by starting with a direct opinion, then explaining your reasons with linking words. Use more precise vocabulary and avoid repetition.

例: I don't think eating snacks is healthy because many of them contain a lot of sugar. As a result, they can weaken the body and reduce the immune system's strength.

提案: Improve clarity and grammar by using correct tenses and sentence structures. Begin with a clear topic sentence, then add specific details with linking words. Avoid vague phrases like "more snacks than I passed."

例: When I was younger, I used to eat snacks more often because my mum would give me treats as a surprise after I finished my homework. Therefore, snacks were a special pleasure for me.

提案: Make your answer more fluent and natural by correcting grammar and sentence flow. Start with a clear topic sentence, then add specific reasons or descriptions using linking words. Avoid repetition like "very very."

例: My favourite snack is definitely Laksander, a Japanese treat that is both cheap and delicious. After school, I usually buy it to enjoy and relax.

× I usually eat snacks after going to prom school because while I stay in the primary school I study a lot so I get tired.

✓ I usually eat snacks after going to cram school because while I am at primary school I study a lot so I get tired.

The phrase 'going to prom school' is incorrect; it should be 'going to cram school' or 'attending cram school' to indicate extra classes. Also, 'while I stay in the primary school' is incorrect; the correct preposition is 'at' for being present in a place, so 'while I am at primary school' is correct.

× So as a praise for me I usually have some pastry or snacks and get it at convenience.

✓ So as a reward for myself, I usually have some pastry or snacks and get them at a convenience store.

The phrase 'as a praise for me' is incorrect; the correct expression is 'as a reward for myself'. Also, 'get it at convenience' is incomplete; it should be 'get them at a convenience store' to specify the place.

× So as a praise for me I usually have some pastry or snacks and get it at convenience.

✓ So as a reward for myself, I usually have some pastry or snacks and get them at a convenience store.

The pronoun 'it' is incorrect when referring to 'pastry or snacks' which is plural; the correct pronoun is 'them'.

× I don't think eating snacks is good for our health because recently mini snacks are sugary so that the body can get weaker and immune can also be weaker so I guess it's bad for our health.

✓ I don't think eating snacks is good for our health because recently mini snacks are sugary, so the body can get weaker and the immune system can also become weaker, so I guess it's bad for our health.

The phrase 'immune can also be weaker' is incorrect; it should be 'the immune system can also become weaker' to correctly refer to the body's defense system.

× Although I'm still young but I used to eat more snacks than I passed because my mom gave me a surprise like after doing homework my mom gave it to me.

✓ Although I'm still young, I used to eat more snacks than I do now because my mom gave me a surprise, like after doing homework my mom gave them to me.

The phrase 'than I passed' is incorrect; it should be 'than I do now' to compare past and present. Also, 'gave it to me' is incorrect when referring to snacks (plural), so 'gave them to me' is correct.

× So snacks was like a pleasure for me in the past so I ate very often.

✓ So snacks were like a pleasure for me in the past, so I ate them very often.

The subject 'snacks' is plural, so the verb should be 'were' not 'was'. Also, 'ate very often' is better with 'them' to clarify the object.

× My favorite snack is definitely Laksander, which is a Japanese snack and I it is very cheap and also very very delicious.

✓ My favorite snack is definitely Laksander, which is a Japanese snack and it is very cheap and also very, very delicious.

The phrase 'and I it is' is incorrect; it should be 'and it is'. The pronoun 'it' refers to the snack.

× So after from school I usually buy it, be happy to eat it and relax.

✓ So after school, I usually buy it, am happy to eat it, and relax.

The phrase 'after from school' is incorrect; the correct preposition is 'after school'. Also, 'be happy' should be 'am happy' to match the subject 'I'.