Snacks— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Try to avoid redundancy and improve sentence clarity. For example, avoid repeating phrases like "I enjoy the view of view" and be consistent with time references (afternoon vs evening). Use linking words to connect ideas smoothly.

例: I usually eat snacks in the afternoon because it's the perfect time to relax. While enjoying the view from my room, I listen to music, which makes the experience very therapeutic.

提案: Focus on clarity and avoid repetition. Correct grammar mistakes and use linking words to organize your answer logically. For example, explain your allergies and doctor's advice clearly without repeating the same idea.

例: I don't think eating snacks is healthy for me because I have many allergies. Moreover, my doctor has advised me to avoid snacks as they can cause health problems.

提案: Avoid redundancy such as "a lot like a lot" and improve sentence structure. Use linking words to connect ideas and provide more specific details about the snack and your feelings.

例: Yes, I used to eat many snacks when I was young. My favorite was YY noodles, a special snack from my country. Even now, eating Waiwei noodles reminds me of my childhood because of its perfect seasoning and delicious taste.

提案: Improve sentence clarity and grammar. Avoid filler words like "Huh" and use linking words to explain why you like the snack now compared to before.

例: As I mentioned earlier, I still enjoy eating YY noodles because they bring back happy childhood memories. Additionally, the taste has improved slightly compared to what I used to eat.

× I usually eat my snacks at afternoon because I think afternoon is the perfect time for eating snacks.

✓ I usually eat my snacks in the afternoon because I think the afternoon is the perfect time for eating snacks.

The preposition 'at' is incorrect when referring to parts of the day; 'in' should be used instead. Also, 'the' is needed before 'afternoon' to specify the time period.

× I really enjoy the view of view from my room and I enjoy snacks at the evening.

✓ I really enjoy the view from my room and I enjoy snacks in the evening.

The phrase 'view of view' is redundant; only 'view' is needed. Also, 'at the evening' is incorrect; the correct preposition is 'in the evening'.

× Listening to the music and eating snacks makes me feel very therapeutic.

✓ Listening to music and eating snacks makes me feel very relaxed.

The phrase 'feel very therapeutic' is incorrect because 'therapeutic' describes something that provides therapy, not a feeling. The sentence should express the feeling caused by the activities, such as 'feel very relaxed'.

× my doctors also says that the snacks are not quite healthy for me, so I don't think so it is healthy.

✓ my doctors also say that snacks are not quite healthy for me, so I don't think it is healthy.

The subject 'doctors' is plural, so the verb should be 'say' not 'says'. Also, 'so I don't think so it is healthy' is awkward; it should be 'so I don't think it is healthy'.

× Even now, when I eat the Waiwei noodles, it brings back me the memories of my childhood.

✓ Even now, when I eat the Waiwei noodles, it brings back memories of my childhood to me.

The pronoun 'me' is incorrectly placed. The correct structure is 'brings back memories to me' or 'brings me back memories'.

× Like I mentioned earlier, the YY noodles is a snacks that I would like to eat now also because it brings back many childhood happy memories which I live for and also the taste has enhanced a little bit because the taste is not like what I used to eat.

✓ Like I mentioned earlier, YY noodles are a snack that I would like to eat now also because they bring back many happy childhood memories which I live for, and also the taste has improved a little bit because it is not like what I used to eat.

'YY noodles' is plural, so the verb should be 'are' not 'is'. 'Snacks' should be singular 'snack' because it refers to the type of food. 'Memories' should be described as 'happy childhood memories' for correct adjective order. 'Taste has enhanced' is awkward; 'taste has improved' is better.