Snacks— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Your answer is somewhat long and a bit repetitive. Try to make your response more concise and clear by directly answering the question first, then adding specific supporting details using linking words. For example, explain why you eat snacks in the morning and how it benefits you, avoiding redundancy.

例: I usually eat snacks in the morning with my coffee because it helps me manage my weight. Moreover, it gives me energy to stay strong throughout the day.

提案: Your answer lacks clarity and has some grammatical errors. Try to structure your response with a clear topic sentence and use linking words to explain your opinion. Also, avoid vague phrases like "help me be alive" and be more specific about how snacks help you.

例: I believe eating snacks is somewhat healthy because they provide me with energy during the day. For instance, they help my brain stay focused while I work.

提案: Your answer is repetitive and unclear in places. Try to organize your response with a clear topic sentence and use linking words to explain your past habits and opinions. Also, avoid repeating words and improve sentence structure for clarity.

例: Yes, I used to eat snacks very often when I was young without thinking about my health. In fact, I preferred snacks over fruits and other foods, which I now realize was unhealthy.

提案: Your answer is fragmented and contains many fillers. Try to give a clear topic sentence listing your favorite snacks, then add specific details or reasons using linking words. Avoid fillers and organize your answer coherently.

例: I like eating nuts, chocolate, biscuits, and fruits. Although I love sweets like cakes and jams, I know they are not very healthy.

× I usually eat snacks in the morning when I wake up, I eat them with my cup of coffee 'cause I think it's the best way to have my weight, to manage my weight and it helps me to be strong, to have power during the day.

✓ I usually eat snacks in the morning when I wake up. I eat them with my cup of coffee because I think it's the best way to manage my weight, and it helps me to be strong and have energy during the day.

The original sentence is a run-on sentence with multiple independent clauses joined incorrectly by commas. It should be split into separate sentences or joined properly with conjunctions. Also, 'have my weight' is incorrect; the correct phrase is 'manage my weight'. 'To have power' is better expressed as 'have energy' in this context.

× I think it's a healthy, not absolutely healthy, but I think it helps me to stay strong during the day, to have energy during the day.

✓ I think it's healthy, not absolutely healthy, but I think it helps me stay strong and have energy during the day.

The article 'a' before 'healthy' is incorrect because 'healthy' is an adjective describing a general state, not a countable noun. Also, 'helps me to stay' can be simplified to 'helps me stay'. Repetition of 'during the day' is unnecessary and can be omitted for clarity.

× It's very helpful for my brain 'cause I work every day and I need to the snacks to help me be alive.

✓ It's very helpful for my brain because I work every day and I need snacks to help me stay alive.

The phrase 'I need to the snacks' is incorrect; 'to the' should be removed. Also, 'help me be alive' is unnatural; 'help me stay alive' is the correct expression.

× Oh yes, I often, I used to eat snacks very often when I was young without any without any thinking of my health.

✓ Oh yes, I often used to eat snacks very often when I was young without any thought of my health.

The phrase 'without any without any thinking' is repetitive and incorrect. It should be 'without any thought' or 'without thinking about'. Also, 'I often, I used to' is redundant; 'I often used to' suffices.

× I was eating and eating only snacks and I didn't like them have the food, fruit, just snacks and it's very bad I think.

✓ I was eating only snacks and didn't like to have food or fruit, just snacks, and I think that's very bad.

The original sentence is confusing and lacks proper structure. 'I didn't like them have the food' is incorrect; it should be 'didn't like to have food'. The sentence is restructured for clarity and grammatical correctness.

× I like, umm, it's uh, nuts, chocolate, biscuits and fruit of course. Jams and uh, cakes. I like, I love sweets very much. I think it's not good, but that's the one.

✓ I like nuts, chocolate, biscuits, and fruit, of course. Also jams and cakes. I love sweets very much. I think it's not good, but that's the one.

The original sentences contain filler words ('umm', 'uh') which are unnecessary in written form. The sentence fragments are corrected into complete sentences for clarity and grammatical correctness.