Snacks— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Try to make your answer more structured and clear. Start with a direct response to the question, then add specific details using linking words to improve coherence. Avoid redundancy and grammatical errors.

例: I usually eat snacks whenever I have free time. For example, I often pick snacks from my pantry and enjoy them while watching TV series. This helps me relax and enjoy my leisure time.

提案: Provide a clear topic sentence and use linking words to connect your ideas. Be careful with grammar and word choice to sound more natural.

例: Yes, I think some snacks can be healthy nowadays. For instance, I often buy protein bars with 20 grams of protein from Walmart, which help me stay healthy and energized.

提案: Focus on answering the question directly and clearly. Use correct grammar and avoid unclear phrases. Add linking words to connect your ideas logically.

例: Yes, I often ate snacks when I was young because I didn't like my mom's food. Although her food was healthy, I found it less tasty compared to snacks, which I enjoyed a lot.

提案: Try to organize your answer with a clear topic sentence and supporting details. Use complete sentences and linking words to improve fluency and coherence.

例: I like to eat snacks from McDonald's during my work breaks because it's inside the Walmart where I work. Usually, I order a meal with a large fries, a burger, and my favorite vanilla iced coffee. I enjoy this snack especially since I work four days a week.

× I just start eating it and learned I love enjoying eating snack while watching series on the TV.

✓ I just start eating it and learned that I love enjoying eating snacks while watching series on the TV.

The sentence uses 'learned' correctly as past tense, but the phrase 'enjoying eating snack' is awkward and 'snack' should be plural 'snacks' to match the context. Adding 'that' improves clarity.

× So whenever I go to Walmart, I just picked the protein bars, protein chocolate chip, which includes 20 gram protein.

✓ So whenever I go to Walmart, I just pick the protein bars, protein chocolate chip, which include 20 grams of protein.

The sentence mixes present tense 'go' with past tense 'picked'. To maintain consistency, 'picked' should be 'pick'. Also, 'includes' should be 'include' to agree with plural 'protein bars', and 'gram' should be plural 'grams'.

× When I was young, I usually eat snacks because at that time I don't like to eat the food that my mom made.

✓ When I was young, I usually ate snacks because at that time I didn't like to eat the food that my mom made.

The sentence refers to past time 'when I was young', so verbs 'eat' and 'don't like' should be in past tense 'ate' and 'didn't like' to maintain tense consistency.

× But this tax, they were very tasty and I usually 10 list.

✓ But these snacks, they were very tasty and I usually ate lots.

'This tax' is likely a mishearing or typo for 'these snacks'. 'Tax' is singular and incorrect here; 'snacks' is plural. Also, '10 list' is unclear; likely intended 'lots' or 'a lot'. The verb 'usually' should be followed by past tense 'ate' to match past context.

× Nowadays when I get my break from work I usually go to MC D because it's inside the Walmart where I work so I always. Make a meal with a large fries and a burger.

✓ Nowadays, when I get my break from work, I usually go to McDonald's because it's inside the Walmart where I work, so I always make a meal with large fries and a burger.

The sentence is fragmented and has punctuation errors. 'MC D' should be 'McDonald's'. The period after 'always' incorrectly breaks the sentence. 'A large fries' is incorrect; 'large fries' is uncountable and does not need 'a'. Proper commas improve readability.

× And my favorite vanilla ice coffee too. So whenever I go to work I always take that because I work 4 days in a.

✓ And my favorite vanilla iced coffee too. So whenever I go to work, I always take that because I work 4 days a week.

'Ice coffee' should be 'iced coffee' as the correct adjective form. The phrase '4 days in a' is incomplete; it should be '4 days a week'. Adding commas improves sentence flow.