Snacks— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Your answer is somewhat unclear and contains grammatical errors which affect naturalness and effectiveness. Try to respond directly with a clear topic sentence, avoid redundancy, and use linking words to connect ideas logically. Also, keep your answer concise within five sentences.

例: I usually eat snacks on weekends because I have more free time then. For example, I enjoy having a small treat while relaxing during my leisure time. This helps me unwind after a busy week.

提案: Your answer shows good content but is affected by unclear phrasing and some grammatical mistakes. Use clear and precise language, and organise your ideas with linking words to improve coherence. Avoid redundancy and keep sentences concise.

例: I don't think eating too many snacks is healthy because they often contain a lot of sugar and saturated fats. However, having snacks occasionally can improve my mood by releasing dopamine, which makes me feel happier.

提案: Your answer lacks clarity and contains several errors and incomplete sentences. Focus on giving a clear topic sentence followed by specific supporting details. Use linking words to connect your ideas logically and avoid repetition.

例: Yes, I ate snacks almost every day as a child. I especially loved chocolate because of its rich flavour and smooth texture. My favourite brand was MMM, partly because I liked its colourful packaging.

提案: Your answer is fragmented and unclear, which affects naturalness and coherence. Try to form complete sentences, use appropriate linking words, and provide specific details about your preferences. Keep your response concise and relevant.

例: At the moment, I enjoy snacks like chocolate and chips. I like chocolate because of its smooth texture and rich flavour. Chips are also a favourite because of their crispy texture and variety of flavours.

× I don't eat snacks to author recently because I am still on a diet.

✓ I haven't eaten snacks recently because I am still on a diet.

The phrase 'to author recently' is incorrect and unclear. The correct expression is 'haven't eaten snacks recently' to indicate the recent past action. Also, 'eat snacks' in present tense does not fit with 'recently' which refers to past time, so present perfect is appropriate.

× if I want to pick up the best time to have snacks, I would go with the weekend because I usually view more free and enjoy this next even better during my leisure time at weekend.

✓ if I want to pick the best time to have snacks, I would choose the weekend because I usually have more free time and enjoy it even better during my leisure time at the weekend.

The phrase 'pick up the best time' is incorrect; 'pick' or 'choose' is better. 'View more free' is incorrect; it should be 'have more free time'. 'Enjoy this next even better' is unclear; 'enjoy it even better' is correct. Also, 'at weekend' should be 'at the weekend'.

× if I have too much snacks because it contains too much added sugar and saturated fats.

✓ if I have too many snacks because they contain too much added sugar and saturated fats.

'Snacks' is countable plural, so 'too many' is correct instead of 'too much'. Also, 'it contains' should be 'they contain' to agree with plural 'snacks'.

× to some degree in may boost my men to hapiness because when I am having snacks it often releases dopamine in my brain which laflotte uplift my mood.

✓ to some degree it may boost my mood to happiness because when I am having snacks it often releases dopamine in my brain which helps uplift my mood.

The phrase 'in may boost my men to hapiness' is incorrect; it should be 'it may boost my mood to happiness'. 'Laflotte' is a typo and unclear; replaced with 'helps'. Pronouns and words need to be corrected for clarity and grammar.

× Did you often eat snacks when you were young? Definitely yes. I ate snacks nearly every day when I was a child and I particularly loved chocolate for its rich flavors as well as MU stature.

✓ Did you often eat snacks when you were young? Definitely yes. I ate snacks nearly every day when I was a child and I particularly loved chocolate for its rich flavours as well as its texture.

'MU stature' is unclear and likely a typo; 'texture' fits better. 'Flavors' is American spelling; 'flavours' is British English. Past tense 'ate' and 'loved' are correct here.

× I I was super obsessed with chocolate when I was a child and. Yes, particularly brands of MMM, the chocolate being I love the colors of it.

✓ I was super obsessed with chocolate when I was a child. Yes, particularly brands of MMM; I love the colours of it.

The sentence has repetition and incomplete structure. 'I I' is a typo. The sentence is fragmented and needs to be split and rephrased for clarity and correctness.

× For, you know, chocolate for is. Smooth texture and rich flavor and. For the chips is **** cryptic texture and different flavors as well.

✓ For chocolate, you know, it has a smooth texture and rich flavour. As for the chips, they have a crispy texture and different flavours as well.

The original sentence is fragmented and contains unclear words like 'cryptic'. 'For' is misused; 'As for' is better to introduce the second item. 'Flavour' is British spelling. Sentence structure is corrected for clarity.