Snacks— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Câu trả lời của bạn nên sử dụng thì hiện tại đơn cho thói quen hiện tại và tránh lỗi ngữ pháp như 'I tried' nên là 'I try'. Ngoài ra, bạn nên mở rộng câu trả lời bằng cách giải thích lý do bạn chọn các lựa chọn lành mạnh hơn để làm câu trả lời tự nhiên và hiệu quả hơn.

例: I usually don't eat snacks in the afternoon because I prefer healthier options like yogurt or whole wheat bread. This helps me maintain my energy without consuming too much sugar or fat.

提案: Bạn cần sử dụng từ vựng chính xác hơn, ví dụ 'carbohydrates' thay vì 'carbon, hydrates'. Câu trả lời nên rõ ràng và tránh lỗi ngữ pháp như 'cardiovascular unices' (có thể bạn muốn nói 'cardiovascular diseases'). Hãy sử dụng liên từ để câu trả lời mạch lạc hơn và cung cấp ví dụ cụ thể.

例: I don't think eating unhealthy snacks is good for our health because they often contain a lot of carbohydrates and fats. For example, eating too many snacks can lead to obesity, diabetes, and cardiovascular diseases.

提案: Bạn nên chú ý đến ngữ pháp, ví dụ 'teeth decay' nên là 'tooth decay' và 'overweight' nên dùng 'become overweight'. Ngoài ra, hãy sử dụng liên từ để câu trả lời mạch lạc hơn và mở rộng thêm chi tiết để câu trả lời tự nhiên hơn.

例: When I was a little girl, I ate snacks all the time, which caused tooth decay and made me become overweight. However, as I grew up, I changed my eating habits by choosing healthier foods to stay fit and protect my teeth.

提案: Câu trả lời của bạn cần rõ ràng hơn và tránh lỗi ngữ pháp như 'That when I was young'. Bạn nên sử dụng liên từ để kết nối ý và mở rộng câu trả lời bằng cách mô tả cảm xúc hoặc kỷ niệm liên quan đến món ăn yêu thích.

例: As I mentioned earlier, I don't usually eat snacks now. However, when I was young, hamburgers were my favorite because I enjoyed their taste and it was a special time I spent with my dad.

× Instead, I tried to seek out healthier options such as yogurt or wheat loaf.

✓ Instead, I try to seek out healthier options such as yogurt or wheat loaf.

The question asks about usual habits in the present, so the verb should be in the present tense 'try' instead of past tense 'tried'. Using past tense here creates a tense inconsistency.

× it can cause potential diseases for people such as obesity, diabetes and cardiovascular unices because it contains an enormous amount of carbon, hydrates and fat.

✓ it can cause potential diseases in people such as obesity, diabetes and cardiovascular diseases because it contains an enormous amount of carbohydrates and fat.

The preposition 'for' is incorrect; 'in' is used to indicate diseases occurring within people. Also, 'cardiovascular unices' is a typo and should be 'cardiovascular diseases'. 'Carbon, hydrates' is incorrect; the correct term is 'carbohydrates'.

× When I was a little girl, I ate snacks day in and day out, which caused me teeth decay and overweight.

✓ When I was a little girl, I ate snacks day in and day out, which caused me to have tooth decay and become overweight.

The phrase 'caused me teeth decay and overweight' is grammatically incorrect. It should be 'caused me to have tooth decay and become overweight' to correctly express the result of the action.

× As I grew up, I tried to change this habit by consuming other options to get in shape and to maintain the health of my teeth.

✓ As I grew up, I tried to change this habit by consuming other options to get into shape and to maintain the health of my teeth.

The phrase 'get in shape' should be 'get into shape' as the correct prepositional phrase to express improving physical condition.

× As I was saying above that I don't have a good appetite for snacks at present.

✓ As I said above, I don't have a good appetite for snacks at present.

The phrase 'As I was saying above that' is awkward and incorrect. It should be simplified to 'As I said above' to correctly refer to a previous statement.

× That when I was young hamburgers were my favorite.

✓ When I was young, hamburgers were my favorite.

The sentence starts with 'That' unnecessarily, which makes it ungrammatical. Removing 'That' corrects the sentence structure.

× This is because that I could not only enjoy the taste of hamburgers but also I could spend my time with my dad.

✓ This is because I could not only enjoy the taste of hamburgers but also spend my time with my dad.

The conjunction 'that' after 'because' is unnecessary and incorrect. Also, in the correlative conjunction 'not only... but also', the second verb phrase should parallel the first, so 'I could' is omitted in the second part for parallelism.