Writing— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be direct, clear and concise. Avoid unclear names or phrases (e.g., “Ira at Elwood”) and explain the reason more naturally. Use one topic sentence and a brief supporting detail. Watch for grammar: say “Yes, I do” rather than “Yes, of course” followed by confusing words, and use full sentences (e.g., “Writing helps me remember things”).

例: Yes, I do. I write regularly because putting ideas on paper helps me remember them better and organize my thoughts.

提案: Give a clear topic sentence and add one specific detail or example using a linking phrase. Avoid repeating filler words like “so.” Use correct noun forms ("reflections" not "reflection") and combine sentences for fluency.

例: I enjoy keeping a journal every day because it lets me write down my thoughts and reflections; for example, I note what I did that day and what I learned.

提案: Be relevant and precise. The answer is unclear and contains an odd phrase (“especially it's about other girls”). Give a direct response, explain how writing can change your thinking or goals, and avoid vague references. Use one main idea plus a brief reason.

例: Yes, I think my writing can change because when I review my notes or goals I often revise them; writing helps me clarify priorities and take action.

提案: Be concise and avoid redundant repetition. Give a clear reason and one supporting detail (e.g., comfort, memory, creativity). Avoid subjective claims that weaken credibility ("my handwriting is very beautiful") unless relevant. Correct grammar: "because my handwriting is neat" or "because I find handwriting more comfortable."

例: I prefer handwriting because it's more comfortable and helps me concentrate; for instance, I find I remember ideas better when I write them by hand.

提案: Use consistent tense and avoid repetition. Start with a clear frequency statement (e.g., "Every day"), then give two specific types of content you include and one reason. Fix grammar: "I write about my day, feelings and moods" and "It helps me track my routine."

例: I write in my diary every day, recording what I did, my feelings and my mood. It helps me feel positive and track whether I’m following my routine.

提案: Answer directly and avoid hesitation and repetition. Mention other methods clearly (e.g., videos, photos, voice notes) and give one reason or brief example. Keep sentences fluent and correct questions to statements. Avoid fillers like “so” repeated.

例: Besides diaries, I record my life with short videos and photos on my phone; every night I also write a brief entry summarizing what I did and how I felt.

× Yes, of course, Ira at Elwood, because writing helps me to memorize.

✓ Yes, of course, Ira at Elwood, because writing helps me to memorize.

The student wrote 'Ira' but likely intended the pronoun 'I'. This is a pronoun error (12). Use the correct subject pronoun 'I' for first-person statements. Also ensure proper capitalization for names if 'Ira' was intended as a name, but context shows 'I'.

× So I do journaling every day.

✓ I journal every day.

The original uses an extra filler 'So' and the phrasing 'do journaling' is awkward. This is a sentence structure issue (26). Use a simple present verb 'journal' to express habitual action.

× So I love to write my thoughts and also reflection of my day.

✓ I love to write my thoughts and reflections on my day.

The phrase 'reflection of my day' is unidiomatic and 'also' placement is awkward; pronoun/word choice issue (12). Use plural 'reflections' and the preposition 'on' to express what the reflections are about.

× Do you think the things you write would change?

✓ Do you think the things you write will change?

Using 'would' here is incorrect for a simple prediction about the future; it's a future tense issue (7). Use 'will' for a straightforward future prediction.

× Yes, of course a writing has a great power because when you write something you can achieve it also.

✓ Yes, of course, writing has great power because when you write something, you can achieve it.

The phrase 'a writing' is incorrect; this is an article/word choice error (22). Use the uncountable noun 'writing' without an article and remove the redundant 'also'. Add a comma for clarity.

× Especially it's about other girls.

✓ It is especially about other girls.

Word order and pronoun contraction placement are awkward (12). Move 'especially' and expand 'it's' to 'it is' for clarity.

× I prefer more handwriting when I'm writing because it's more comfortable.

✓ I prefer handwriting when I write because it is more comfortable.

'Prefer more handwriting' is unidiomatic; this is a quantifier/word choice issue (14). Use 'prefer handwriting' and match tense and form: 'when I write' rather than 'when I'm writing'.

× So I also write by hand because of my handwriting is very beautiful.

✓ I also write by hand because my handwriting is very beautiful.

The clause 'because of my handwriting is very beautiful' is incorrect; this is a pronoun/structure issue (12). Use 'because' + clause without 'of'.

× I always keep Diaries.

✓ I always keep a diary.

'Diaries' is plural and capitalized incorrectly. This is an article error (22). Use singular 'a diary' for a habitual action or 'diaries' only if you mean multiple books; lowercase is required.

× I wrote about my day, my feelings and my mood also on my Diaries.

✓ I write about my day, my feelings and my mood in my diary.

The student mixed past tense 'wrote' with habitual context and used plural 'Diaries' and incorrect preposition 'on' (5 and 11). Use present simple 'write' for habitual actions, 'in' for diaries, and singular 'diary' if appropriate.

× It keeps me feeling good about myself.

✓ It makes me feel good about myself.

'Keeps me feeling' is awkward here; this is a present tense/word choice issue (6). Use 'makes me feel' to express the result of an action.

× Also I keep my track for also followed my routine which is written in my Diaries.

✓ I also keep track of and follow the routine that is written in my diary.

Sentence has pronoun and structure errors (12). 'Keep my track for also followed' is ungrammatical. Use 'keep track of' and 'follow the routine that is written in my diary.' Use consistent tense and singular 'diary'.

× I take videos and, and of course, as I said, I keep Diaries about my life.

✓ I take videos and, of course, I keep a diary about my life.

Redundant commas and plural 'Diaries' are incorrect (12). Remove duplicate 'and', use singular 'a diary' or lowercase, and simplify phrasing.

× So every night I will, I will write about my life, what's going on, what am I doing? What did I do? Do so, so.

✓ Every night I write about my life: what's going on, what I am doing, and what I did.

The original misuses future tense 'I will, I will' and mixes question forms in a statement; this is a future/present tense and sentence structure issue (7 and 26). Use present simple 'I write' for habitual action and use noun clauses 'what I am doing' and 'what I did' to list topics. Remove filler 'Do so, so.'