Writing— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Try to make your answer more concise and avoid filler words like 'as' and 'uh'. Start with a clear topic sentence and then add a supporting detail using linking words for coherence.

例: I don't write much nowadays because I'm a mother to a two-year-old. However, when I was younger, I used to write down my feelings as a form of therapy.

提案: Your answer is incomplete and unclear. Provide a full sentence with specific details and avoid hesitation sounds. Use linking words to explain why you like to write about this topic.

例: I like to write about my baby's growth and milestones because it helps me remember important moments in his life.

提案: Avoid filler words and improve sentence structure for clarity. Use linking words to connect ideas smoothly and be more specific about how your writings change.

例: Yes, I believe my writings change over time because as my life evolves, I express different emotions and experiences in my entries.

提案: Good answer but try to avoid filler words and combine your ideas into one coherent response using linking words.

例: I prefer typing at work because I'm fast and skilled with all ten fingers; however, for personal feelings, I prefer handwriting as it feels more intimate.

提案: Try to be more concise and use linking words to connect your past and present habits clearly. Also, avoid capitalising 'Diaries' unnecessarily.

例: Unfortunately, I don't have time to keep diaries nowadays; however, I used to write daily to record my day's events and emotions.

提案: Avoid filler words and improve sentence structure. Use linking words to explain why you prefer this method and be more specific.

例: I use my iPhone to take pictures and videos because they are the best way to preserve my memories visually.

× Nowadays I as I am a mother of a 2 year old, I don't really write a lot.

✓ Nowadays, as I am a mother of a 2-year-old, I don't really write a lot.

The original sentence has a misplaced phrase 'I as' which disrupts the sentence structure. Also, '2 year old' should be hyphenated as '2-year-old' when used as a compound adjective before a noun. The correction improves clarity and grammatical correctness.

× When I write down something, I like to keep a record of, uh, my baby progressing in years and in his.

✓ When I write down something, I like to keep a record of, uh, my baby's progress over the years.

The phrase 'my baby progressing in years and in his' is incomplete and awkward. 'My baby' should be possessive 'my baby's' to correctly modify 'progress'. Also, 'progressing in years and in his' is unclear; 'progress over the years' is a clearer and grammatically correct expression.

× So my writings does the same, umm, it follows different timelines and uh, I express uh, different emotions.

✓ So my writings do the same, umm, they follow different timelines and, uh, I express, uh, different emotions.

The subject 'writings' is plural, so the verb should be 'do' instead of 'does'. Also, the pronoun referring to 'writings' should be plural 'they' instead of singular 'it' to maintain subject-verb agreement.

× Unfortunately, nowadays I don't have any time to keep the Diaries.

✓ Unfortunately, nowadays I don't have any time to keep diaries.

The word 'Diaries' is unnecessarily capitalised and pluralised in a way that suggests a specific set of diaries. Using lowercase 'diaries' without 'the' is more natural and grammatically correct when speaking generally about keeping diaries.