Writing— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Your answer is quite long and a bit unclear in parts. Try to be more concise and clear, avoiding redundancy. Also, correct grammatical errors like "if I found" should be "if I find" and "took me and I to observe" is confusing. Use linking words to connect ideas smoothly.

例: I write a lot when I find something meaningful or touching. For example, if I observe an event that moves me deeply, I write all my thoughts about it to express my feelings clearly.

提案: Your answer is relevant and clear but could be improved by using linking words to connect your ideas and by varying vocabulary. Also, avoid repeating "I like to write" multiple times.

例: I enjoy writing about events that have deeply moved me, especially memories of people I miss. For instance, I often write about my grandmother, as it helps me cherish her memory and share my feelings with others.

提案: Your answer is clear and coherent. To improve, you could add linking words to enhance flow and provide a bit more explanation or examples to enrich your response.

例: The things I write about are mostly past events, which I cannot change. Therefore, I accept them as they are, including their imperfections, because they shape who I am today.

提案: Your answer is understandable but a bit long and slightly repetitive. Try to make it more concise and use linking words to connect your ideas smoothly. Also, correct minor grammar issues like "put my thoughts on a paper" should be "put my thoughts on paper".

例: I prefer handwriting to express my thoughts on paper; however, when I don't have a notebook, I use the Notes app on my phone to record my ideas immediately.

提案: Your answer is a bit confusing and contains repetition and grammatical errors like "experience experienced." Try to clarify your ideas, avoid redundancy, and use linking words to make your answer more coherent.

例: I don't keep a daily diary or journal. Instead, I open my diary on my birthday to write about my feelings and experiences from the past year, which helps me plan for self-improvement in the coming year.

提案: Your answer has some grammatical errors and unclear phrases like "writing is created a new passion" and "these wraps to come out." Try to use correct grammar and clearer expressions. Also, use linking words to connect your ideas logically.

例: Writing helps me record my life creatively. I began by writing small paragraphs, then tried rhyming, and now I write rap lyrics and record them with music. This new passion allows me to express myself uniquely.

× If I found something that is really deep or if I have observed something that took me and I to observe, then I'll definitely write a lot about it.

✓ If I find something that is really deep or if I observe something that takes me and I to observe, then I'll definitely write a lot about it.

The sentence mixes past tense 'found' and present perfect 'have observed' with a future intention 'I'll definitely write'. To maintain consistency and express a general condition, present tense 'find' and 'observe' should be used. This aligns with the conditional sentence type 1, which talks about real and possible situations in the present or future.

× If I found something that is really deep or if I have observed something that took me and I to observe, then I'll definitely write a lot about it.

✓ If I find something that is really deep or if I observe something that takes me to observe, then I'll definitely write a lot about it.

The phrase 'took me and I to observe' is incorrect. The correct pronoun usage is 'takes me to observe' where 'me' is the object of the verb 'takes'. Also, 'I' should not be used here as it is not the subject of the verb.

× I don't keep any Diaries and I do not journal at all.

✓ I don't keep any diaries and I do not journal at all.

The word 'Diaries' should not be capitalized and should be in lowercase 'diaries'. Also, 'any diaries' is correct plural form here. Capitalization error is not listed but correcting it improves correctness.

× I keep a diary that I open on my birthday and I write everything that I have felt or experience experienced in the past year so that I can make improvements the next year and experience more things.

✓ I keep a diary that I open on my birthday and I write everything that I have felt or experienced in the past year so that I can make improvements the next year and experience more things.

The phrase 'experience experienced' is incorrect. The correct past participle form 'experienced' should be used after 'have felt or'. This is a past tense issue where the past participle is required after 'have'.

× So writing is created a new passion for me, which is rapping and I would love these wraps to come out.

✓ So writing has created a new passion for me, which is rapping, and I would love these raps to come out.

The original sentence has incorrect verb form 'is created' which should be 'has created' to indicate present perfect tense. Also, 'wraps' is a misspelling of 'raps' (musical style). The sentence structure is improved by adding commas and correcting verb tense and word choice.