Writing— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Try to reduce filler words like 'uh' and avoid redundancy to make your answer more natural and effective. Also, use linking words to connect ideas smoothly. For example, instead of saying 'I have started recording due to digitalization. I think that has become way easier,' you could say 'Due to digitalization, I have started recording my thoughts, which has made it much easier.'

例: I used to write a lot when I was younger, but due to digitalization, I now prefer recording my thoughts. This method is much easier because I can simply use my phone's voice recorder instead of writing everything down.

提案: Avoid filler words like 'uh' and try to use linking words to connect your ideas clearly. Also, provide more specific examples to enrich your answer. For instance, mention what kinds of things you write and how they help you.

例: I enjoy writing various things such as personal reflections and poems because writing is therapeutic. It helps me clear my mind and gives me a better perspective to analyze my thoughts and express myself clearly.

提案: Try to avoid filler words and complete your sentences fully. Use linking words like 'however' or 'now' to show contrast and progression. Also, be specific about what you write now to make your answer more informative.

例: Yes, the things I write have changed over time. When I was a child, I wrote about trivial and random topics just to express my thoughts. However, now I focus more on reflecting about life, analyzing different incidents, and understanding people better.

提案: Reduce filler words and try to make your sentences more concise and clear. Use linking words like 'because' to explain reasons logically. For example, 'I prefer typing now because my handwriting has deteriorated and is difficult to read.'

例: I used to prefer handwriting, but now I prefer typing because my handwriting has deteriorated and become difficult to read.

提案: Avoid repeating phrases like 'share their insights' twice. Use linking words such as 'however' to contrast past and present habits. Also, clarify what you mean by 'digital record book' for better understanding.

例: I used to keep a diary when I was a child and invited others to write their thoughts in it as memories. However, now I use a digital journal app on my mobile phone to record and share my thoughts.

提案: Try to avoid filler words like 'uh' and use linking words such as 'for example' or 'in addition' to connect your ideas. Also, be more specific about how these methods help you preserve memories.

例: I use digital methods to record my life, such as taking pictures, recording videos, and making voice recordings. For example, if I hear a song I like, I record it to keep it for the future.

× I have started recording due to digitalization.

✓ I started recording due to digitalization.

The sentence refers to a past habit change, so simple past tense 'started' is more appropriate than present perfect 'have started' which implies recent or ongoing action.

× ...just pick up the phone and switch on The Voice recorder.

✓ ...just pick up the phone and switch on the voice recorder.

'The' should not be capitalized in 'the voice recorder' unless it is a proper noun. Here, it is a common noun, so 'the' should be lowercase.

× Instead of writing, I jot down my, uh, thoughts online.

✓ Instead of writing, I jot down my thoughts online.

The commas around 'uh' interrupt the flow unnecessarily; removing them clarifies the sentence. However, this is more about filler words than grammar, so no major correction needed here.

× What do you like to write?

✓ What do you like to write?

No correction needed; sentence is grammatically correct.

× Once I'm able to write down what I am thinking about, I think it gives me a better perspective to analyze my thoughts and just to express myself.

✓ Once I'm able to write down what I am thinking about, I think it gives me a better perspective to analyze my thoughts and to express myself.

The phrase 'and just to express myself' is better without 'just' for clarity and parallelism with 'to analyze'.

× Yes, I believe that things, uh, I write about have been changing over time.

✓ Yes, I believe that the things I write about have been changing over time.

Adding 'the' before 'things' specifies the things being referred to, improving sentence clarity.

× So I write about.

✓ So I write about them.

The sentence is incomplete; adding 'them' completes the thought referring to previously mentioned things.

× There has been a great transition and my handwriting, uh, which was, uh, really beautiful or clear earlier has uh, gone down.

✓ There has been a great transition and my handwriting, which was really beautiful and clear earlier, has deteriorated.

'Gone down' is informal and unclear; 'deteriorated' is more appropriate. Also, 'or' should be 'and' to describe handwriting qualities.

× It has become difficult to understand what I write, so I prefer typing it out.

✓ It has become difficult to understand what I write, so I prefer typing it out.

Sentence is correct; no correction needed.

× I just have a digital record book on my mobile phone which I used to share my thoughts.

✓ I just have a digital record book on my mobile phone where I share my thoughts.

'Used to share' implies past habit, but the context suggests current action, so present tense 'share' is appropriate.