Writing— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Your answer is somewhat unclear and contains grammatical errors, such as "Its never care that I am giving to my patients" which affects clarity. Try to structure your response with a clear topic sentence and supporting details, and avoid redundancy. Also, ensure your sentences are grammatically correct and concise.

例: Yes, I write a lot every day because my job requires me to document patient reports. Besides work, I enjoy journaling as it provides me with personal space and serves as a form of therapy.

提案: Your answer lacks clarity and has incomplete sentences. Try to start with a clear topic sentence and use linking words to connect your ideas logically. Also, be specific about what you write and why it is important to you.

例: I like writing reflections on my thoughts and daily experiences because it helps me track my progress and remember my dreams and aspirations over time.

提案: Your answer is confusing and contains unclear phrases like "I have rode a few years back." Focus on giving a direct answer with clear reasons and examples. Use linking words to make your response coherent.

例: Yes, I believe the things I write will change over time because my life circumstances and goals evolve. For example, some plans I made years ago have changed or been achieved.

提案: Your answer is repetitive and ends abruptly. Try to avoid repeating phrases and complete your sentences. Use linking words to explain your preference clearly and provide specific reasons.

例: I prefer handwriting because it feels more personal and helps me connect with my thoughts deeply. Also, it allows me to maintain traditional writing habits, especially when journaling.

提案: Your answer is generally clear but could be more concise. Avoid unnecessary phrases and ensure smooth flow by using linking words. Also, clarify what "Skip Diaries" means if it is a specific term.

例: I have kept diaries since childhood, and journaling has become my personal space for reflection. I continue to write in my diary daily.

提案: Your answer is unclear and incomplete, especially the last sentence. Try to organize your ideas logically using linking words and complete your thoughts. Be specific about how you use your phone to record life events.

例: Besides diaries, I use my phone to record reflections when I am outside. My phone notes help me keep track of my thoughts and stay organised.

× Yes I write a lot on a daily basis in my work I am needed to write reports of the patients and document.

✓ Yes, I write a lot on a daily basis. In my work, I am required to write reports on the patients and document them.

The original sentence is a run-on sentence lacking proper punctuation and conjunctions, making it confusing. Breaking it into two sentences and using 'required' instead of 'needed' improves clarity and grammatical correctness.

× Its never care that I am giving to my patients.

✓ It's the care that I am giving to my patients that never stops.

The original sentence uses 'Its' incorrectly and lacks clarity. 'It's' is a contraction for 'it is'. The sentence is restructured to convey the intended meaning clearly.

× And also personally I love journaling, it's one way of me having my own space and a therapy session for myself.

✓ Also, personally, I love journaling; it's a way for me to have my own space and a therapy session for myself.

The sentence needs commas to separate introductory phrases and a semicolon to connect related independent clauses. 'One way of me having' is awkward; 'a way for me to have' is clearer.

× So yes I read a lot.

✓ So yes, I write a lot.

The question is about writing, but the answer says 'read'. Correcting to 'write' aligns with the question and context.

× What I like writing the most is the reflection on my thoughts and experiences and also things that I like to pursue on a daily basis.

✓ What I like writing the most are reflections on my thoughts and experiences, as well as things that I like to pursue on a daily basis.

The subject 'reflections' is plural, so the verb should be 'are'. Also, 'reflection' should be plural to match the context. The sentence is restructured for clarity.

× Writing to do this and also my dreams and aspirations as it keeps me updated when I look back.

✓ I write about these things, including my dreams and aspirations, as it helps me stay updated when I look back.

The original sentence is incomplete and unclear. Adding a subject and verb clarifies the meaning and improves sentence structure.

× Yes, I am sure James, as time goes by I will change the life and situations.

✓ Yes, I am sure, James, that as time goes by, my life and situations will change.

The sentence needs commas to separate the name 'James' and to clarify the meaning. 'I will change the life and situations' is incorrect; it should be 'my life and situations will change'.

× There's always a chance something that I have rode a few years back, it has definitely changed or I never ended up doing or some I've also achieved.

✓ There's always a chance that something I wrote a few years back has definitely changed, or I never ended up doing it, or some I have also achieved.

'Rode' is incorrect; the past tense of 'write' is 'wrote'. The sentence is restructured for clarity and correct pronoun use.

× So yes, I'm sure things will change along the way in the coming days too.

✓ So yes, I'm sure things will change along the way in the coming days as well.

Adding 'as well' is more natural than 'too' at the end of the sentence. The sentence is otherwise correct.

× I prefer handwriting over typing because I feel it's a very personal space and also it also makes me think that it is good to keep up with some of the traditions.

✓ I prefer handwriting over typing because I feel it's a very personal space, and it also makes me think that it is good to keep up with some traditions.

The phrase 'also it also' is redundant; removing one 'also' improves clarity. 'Some of the traditions' is better as 'some traditions' for naturalness.

× And yes the handwriting in journal especially is every personal and intimating as I feel it's just me and me.

✓ And yes, the handwriting in a journal, especially, is very personal and intimate, as I feel it's just me and myself.

'Every' is incorrect; it should be 'very'. 'Intimating' is incorrect; the correct adjective is 'intimate'. 'Me and me' is incorrect; it should be 'me and myself'.

× I can go into deep thoughts when I.

✓ I can go into deep thoughts when I write.

The sentence is incomplete; adding 'write' completes the thought and makes it grammatically correct.

× I have maintained Skip Diaries since an early time in my childhood and journaling has been one of my own space which I've created where I go into deep thoughts and reflections.

✓ I have maintained a diary since early childhood, and journaling has been one of my own spaces that I've created where I go into deep thoughts and reflections.

'Skip Diaries' is unclear; assuming 'a diary' is intended. 'An early time' is unnatural; 'early childhood' is better. 'One of my own space' should be 'one of my own spaces'.

× And yes, I still do it on a daily basis to this day.

✓ And yes, I still do it daily to this day.

The phrase 'on a daily basis' is wordy; 'daily' is more concise and natural.

× It depends, some days I write in my Diaries to go about writing about my life and experiences and also there are also moments when I'm outside and I have a reflections and those I record in my phone.

✓ It depends. Some days, I write in my diary about my life and experiences, and there are also moments when I'm outside and have reflections that I record on my phone.

The sentence is a run-on and needs to be split for clarity. 'Diaries' should be singular 'diary' unless multiple diaries are meant. 'A reflections' is incorrect; 'reflections' is plural and does not need 'a'. 'In my phone' should be 'on my phone'.

× So my notes in my phone comes in handy which is of great health and it keeps me In Sync with.

✓ So my notes on my phone come in handy, which is very helpful and keeps me in sync.

'Notes' is plural, so the verb should be 'come' not 'comes'. 'Of great health' is incorrect; 'very helpful' fits the context. 'In Sync' should be lowercase 'in sync'. The sentence is incomplete and restructured for clarity.