Hometown— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be direct and concise. Start with a clear topic sentence (e.g., “My hometown is Tokyo.”) then add one precise supporting detail using correct grammar and prepositions (e.g., how far you live from the city). Avoid filler words like “and then.”

例: My hometown is Tokyo. I live about 10 to 15 minutes from the city centre by train, which makes it convenient for commuting.

提案: Give a clear topic sentence stating what you like, then explain with a specific reason and example. Use linking words (because, for example, so) and correct tense and word choice. Avoid vague phrases like “thing you know” and fragments.

例: I like the public transport in my hometown, especially the trains. Because they are frequent and punctual, I can travel easily and never worry about being late for work or school.

提案: Answer directly with a clear time frame. Use the present perfect for duration (have lived) and avoid repeating age phrases incorrectly. If you left, state both birth and current duration succinctly.

例: I was born and raised in Tokyo and lived there until I moved to New Zealand at 16. In total, I lived in Tokyo for 16 years.

提案: Start with a direct opinion sentence, then support it with specific examples and a linking word (for example). Use correct articles and plural forms (there are a lot of leisure facilities; karaoke venues). Keep sentences natural and avoid filler phrases.

例: Yes, I think it is a great place for young people because there are many leisure facilities. For example, there are numerous karaoke bars and entertainment centres where friends can hang out and sing for hours.

× My hometown is Tokyo and then I live in 10 to 15 minutes away from the main city in Tokyo.

✓ My hometown is Tokyo, and I live 10 to 15 minutes away from central Tokyo.

The sentence has redundant and awkward phrasing ('and then') and an incorrect prepositional structure ('in 10 to 15 minutes away'). Use a coordinating conjunction with a comma to join independent clauses, remove 'then', and use 'live 10 to 15 minutes away from' or 'live 10 to 15 minutes from'. 'Central Tokyo' is more natural than 'the main city in Tokyo.'

× But if I have to choose one, I would say. Thing you know, the train comes one time every time.

✓ But if I had to choose one, I would say the trains are very punctual; they arrive on time every time.

The original has broken sentence fragments and incorrect tense/modal use. Use 'had to' for a hypothetical choice. 'Thing you know' is colloquial and unclear. 'The train comes one time every time' is ungrammatical; replace with 'the trains are very punctual; they arrive on time every time.' This corrects sentence structure and verb forms.

× It really comfortable for me.

✓ It is really comfortable for me.

The sentence is missing the auxiliary verb 'is' to link the subject and adjective. Use 'It is really comfortable' to form a complete predicate. Alternatively, 'I find it really comfortable' is also correct.

× I was born and raised in Tokyo and then I moved to New Zealand for studying abroad when I was 16 years old, so basically 16. I have lived there for 16 years old.

✓ I was born and raised in Tokyo, and then I moved to New Zealand to study abroad when I was 16 years old, so I lived there until I was about 16.

The original mixes past and present tenses and uses incorrect infinitive form 'for studying abroad' and wrong age expression 'for 16 years old.' Use 'to study abroad' and clarify time span: 'I moved... when I was 16' and 'I lived there until I was 16.' Remove 'I have lived there for 16 years old' which is ungrammatical.

× I think so 'cause they are a lot of leisure facilities for young people.

✓ I think so, because there are a lot of leisure facilities for young people.

The sentence uses 'they are a lot of' incorrectly. The correct existential construction is 'there are a lot of...'. Also replace colloquial ''cause' with 'because' in formal speech and add a comma.

× For example, their karaoke where we can sing the song, like sing whatever we want.

✓ For example, there are karaoke places where we can sing any songs we want.

'Their karaoke' incorrectly uses a possessive pronoun; the intended meaning is existential 'there are' or 'they have.' Use 'karaoke places' and 'sing any songs we want' for natural phrasing. This corrects pronoun misuse and awkward wording.