Hometown— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and correct grammar. Start with a clear topic sentence stating the location, then add one or two specific details. Avoid filler words (uh, um) and redundant phrases. Use linking words like “also” or “and” only when needed.

例: My hometown is Sindhu Balzuk, which is in the eastern part of Nepal. It is a peaceful place surrounded by hills and forests, and it has beautiful natural scenery. The people there are very friendly, which is one reason I enjoy living there.

提案: Give a direct topic sentence naming specific things you like, then explain one reason for each. Reduce repetition and improve sentence structure. Use linking words like “for example” or “also” to connect ideas and provide clearer details about the attractions.

例: I particularly like the natural attractions in my hometown. For example, Pass Bukhari, Gupadara and Chia Bagan are popular spots with scenic views and quiet walking trails, so locals and visitors often go there to relax and explore.

提案: Answer the question directly with a clear timeframe, then add one supporting detail. Correct grammar (use present perfect or simple past appropriately) and avoid unclear phrases. Keep it to two or three sentences maximum.

例: I have lived there since I was born, so I have lived in Sindhu Balzuk my whole life. I grew up there and plan to continue living there in the future because I love the community and environment.

提案: Give a clear opinion first, then support it with two specific reasons and brief examples. Use correct vocabulary (“extracurricular activities”, “roads”) and avoid fillers. Use linking words like “because” and “for example” to structure your response.

例: Yes, I think my hometown is a good place for young people because it offers good schools and extracurricular activities. For example, there are sports clubs and community centers, and there are improving roads and some local job opportunities that make it easier for young people to study and work.

× How well my hometown is uh Sindhu Balzuk which is located in eastern part of Nepal.

✓ My hometown is Sindhu Balzuk, which is located in the eastern part of Nepal.

The original sentence uses an incorrect question-like word order 'How well my hometown is' though it is a statement. This is a sentence structure error (ID 26). Correct by using standard subject-verb order and add the article 'the' before 'eastern part of Nepal'. Suggestion: start with the subject 'My hometown', then the verb 'is', then the name and the relative clause 'which is located in the eastern part of Nepal'.

× Uh, it is beautiful and peaceful place, uh, surrounded by hills, forest and natural scenery.

✓ It is a beautiful and peaceful place, surrounded by hills, forests, and natural scenery.

Missing indefinite article 'a' before 'beautiful and peaceful place' and plural form needed for 'forest' when listing multiple areas. This is an article error (ID 22) and singular/plural issue (ID 1). Use 'a' for singular countable noun and pluralize 'forest' to 'forests'. Also add commas for clarity.

× Uh, the people are very friendly and helpful in my hometown.

✓ The people in my hometown are very friendly and helpful.

Word order is awkward; better to place the prepositional phrase 'in my hometown' after 'people' for clarity. This is an incorrect use/order of prepositions (ID 11) and sentence structure (ID 26). Reorder to 'The people in my hometown are...'.

× Ohh, well there are many things I like so much about my hometown.

✓ There are many things I like about my hometown.

The phrase 'so much' is unnecessary and informal here; the sentence is verbose. This is sentence structure/style (ID 26). Simplify to a clear declarative sentence. If emphasis is desired, use 'that I like very much' after 'things'.

× Uh, there are many uh visited destinations such as Pass Bukhari, Gupadara and Chia Bagan.

✓ There are many popular tourist destinations such as Pass Bukhari, Gupadara, and Chia Bagan.

'Visited destinations' is unidiomatic; use 'tourist destinations' or 'popular destinations'. This is an incorrect word choice/preposition issue (ID 11). Also add commas and 'and' properly.

× It is very beautiful and peaceful place also and people enjoy it and go there exploring.

✓ It is a very beautiful and peaceful place, and people enjoy going there to explore.

Missing article 'a' before 'very beautiful and peaceful place' (article error ID 22). Also the sequence 'go there exploring' is ungrammatical; use 'enjoy going there to explore' for correct verb patterns (verb + -ing form ID 8). Combine clauses with 'and'.

× Our sins are childhood.

✓ Since childhood, we have lived there.

The original 'Our sins are childhood' is unintelligible and likely a misuse of words. This is a sentence structure error (ID 26). Replace with correct expression 'Since childhood, we have lived there' to convey continuous residence from childhood.

× I lived there, I born there and I grew up also there.

✓ I lived there; I was born there, and I grew up there.

'I born there' is missing the auxiliary 'was' (past participle needed) — this is a past tense / past participle issue (IDs 5 and 9). Use 'I was born' and consistent past tense 'I grew up'. Also combine with proper punctuation.

× I love my hometown when when I will older I prefer live there rather than other places.

✓ I love my hometown. When I am older, I would prefer to live there rather than in other places.

Incorrect future tense/form and word order (ID 7). Use 'When I am older' (present simple for time clause) and 'I would prefer to live there' or 'I prefer living there'. Also include 'in' before 'other places' and remove repeated 'when'.

× Uh, that's interesting question for me, uh, it's definitely my hometown is a good place for young people because there are many facilities, uh, for, uh, young people such as extracurriculum activities and good schools, hospitals, uh, better roadside and job opportunities, uh, they easily, uh, get so.

✓ That's an interesting question for me. Definitely, my hometown is a good place for young people because there are many facilities for them, such as extracurricular activities, good schools, hospitals, better roads, and job opportunities; they can easily find work and services.

The original sentence has multiple problems: article and determiner errors ('that's interesting question' needs 'an'), redundancy, incorrect word forms ('extracurriculum' should be 'extracurricular'), awkward noun phrases ('better roadside' should be 'better roads'), and an incomplete final clause ('they easily, get so'). These are sentence structure errors (ID 26), article errors (ID 22), incorrect word choice/adjective form (ID 13), and verb usage issues. Revise into two clear sentences, correct word forms, and complete the final idea with 'they can easily find work and services'.