Hometown— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Your answer is somewhat unclear and contains grammatical errors. Try to make your sentences more coherent and avoid redundancy. Also, ensure your sentences are complete and logically connected. For example, clarify who flew here and use linking words to connect ideas.

例: My hometown is located in the heart of Iran and is famous for its rich history. Every year, many tourists visit to explore its wide range of historical sites. I love this place because it offers a glimpse into my culture and heritage.

提案: Your answer has some hesitation and unclear phrasing. Try to speak more fluently and organize your ideas clearly. Use linking words to connect your points and avoid informal expressions like 'insane' in this context. Also, be specific about what you like.

例: I like my hometown because it is surrounded by fascinating historical sites, such as ancient mosques and beautiful monuments that represent my culture. Additionally, the people are very welcoming, and their hospitality makes visitors feel at home.

提案: Your answer is somewhat off-topic and contains grammatical errors. The question asks about the duration of your residence, so focus on that first. Then, if you want, add a related detail using linking words. Avoid awkward phrases like 'immersion of heritage.'

例: I have lived in my hometown for almost 12 years. Although I was originally born in Shiraz, I enjoy immersing myself in the heritage of different cultures to better understand my own.

提案: Your answer has some hesitation and minor grammatical errors. Try to speak more fluently and use complete sentences. Use linking words to connect your ideas and be more specific about why it appeals to young people.

例: Absolutely. My hometown offers many beautiful places that appeal to the younger generation, such as numerous cafes and fancy restaurants. These establishments offer a wide range of international cuisines, including Chinese and Thai, which makes the city vibrant and attractive to young people.

× So many tourists every year I flew here to explore its wide range of historical sites.

✓ So many tourists come here every year to explore its wide range of historical sites.

The original sentence incorrectly uses 'I flew' which does not agree with the subject 'So many tourists'. The subject is plural and refers to tourists in general, so the verb should be in the present tense and agree with 'tourists'. The correct verb phrase is 'come here every year'.

× I love this place because it offers a glimpse of my culture and my culture heritage.

✓ I love this place because it offers a glimpse of my culture and my cultural heritage.

The phrase 'my culture heritage' is incorrect because 'culture' should be an adjective modifying 'heritage'. The correct adjective form is 'cultural'.

× Since my uh, city, my hometown surrounded by historical fascinating sites such as you, mosques or beautiful monuments that represent my culture and my people, and they are very welcoming and the hospitality is really insane.

✓ My hometown is surrounded by fascinating historical sites such as mosques and beautiful monuments that represent my culture and people, and they are very welcoming with amazing hospitality.

The original sentence has multiple structural issues including missing verbs and awkward phrasing. 'My hometown surrounded' lacks the verb 'is'. Also, 'historical fascinating' should be 'fascinating historical' to correctly order adjectives. 'You' is an error and should be removed. The sentence is restructured for clarity and grammatical correctness.

× For almost 12 years, I originally born in Shiraz, but I'm really eager to have the immersion of heritage of other cultures and connect with my inner culture.

✓ I was originally born in Shiraz and have lived there for almost 12 years, but I'm really eager to immerse myself in the heritage of other cultures and connect with my own culture.

The phrase 'I originally born' is incorrect; the past tense passive form 'I was originally born' is required. Also, 'have the immersion of heritage' is awkward; the correct expression is 'immerse myself in the heritage'. The sentence is rephrased for clarity and grammatical accuracy.

× Absolutely. Uh, there is so many uh, beautiful places that appeal to younger generation, so many cafes and restaurants, fancy restaurants.

✓ Absolutely. There are so many beautiful places that appeal to the younger generation, including many cafes and fancy restaurants.

The phrase 'there is so many' is incorrect because 'places' is plural; it should be 'there are so many'. Also, 'younger generation' needs the definite article 'the'. The sentence is corrected for subject-verb agreement and article usage.

× Who offers, uh, wide range of international cuisines, Chinese, uh, Thai.

✓ They offer a wide range of international cuisines, including Chinese and Thai.

The original sentence fragment 'Who offers' is incorrect as it lacks a clear subject and verb agreement. 'Who' is inappropriate here; 'They' refers to the restaurants. Also, 'wide range' needs the article 'a'. The sentence is corrected for subject-verb agreement and article usage.