Hometown— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Your answer is a bit unclear and contains some grammatical errors. Try to give a clear and concise location description with proper sentence structure. Avoid redundancy and make sure your sentences are complete and natural.

例: I'm from Casca district in Bokora, which is surrounded by the Annapurna mountain range. It offers a beautiful view of Fair Lake, located in the Lakeside area.

提案: Your answer is somewhat confusing and contains grammatical mistakes. Try to organize your ideas clearly, use linking words, and provide specific details about what you like. Avoid filler words and redundancy.

例: What I like most about my hometown is its well-developed infrastructure. Additionally, Lakeside is a popular tourist destination that attracts many visitors, which helps the local economy. The restaurants there offer excellent facilities and comfortable accommodations for tourists.

提案: Your answer is unclear and grammatically incorrect. Try to answer directly with a clear time frame and use proper sentence structure. Avoid unnecessary words and focus on clarity.

例: I have lived in Pokhara since before I got married. I spent my childhood and youth there, making many happy memories.

提案: Your answer is generally clear but could be improved by using more natural expressions and linking words. Also, provide more specific examples to support your points.

例: Yes, Pokhara is a great place for young people because it offers many educational opportunities and excellent healthcare services. Moreover, there are plenty of job opportunities since it is a popular tourist destination.

× I'm from Casca district, Bokora which is located in which is surrounded by Annapurna mountain and there is a cinematic view of Fair Lake which is located in Lakeside.

✓ I'm from Casca district, Bokora, which is surrounded by the Annapurna mountain range and has a cinematic view of Fair Lake, which is located in Lakeside.

The original sentence misuses 'which is located in which is surrounded by' causing confusion. The preposition 'in' is incorrectly placed. Also, 'Annapurna mountain' should be 'the Annapurna mountain range' to specify the location. Proper commas are needed to separate clauses for clarity.

× The most, uh, appreciable things that I like about my home term is their infrastructure development and the tourist destination is some place of lakeside with truck lots of tourists to own foreign currency.

✓ The most appreciable things that I like about my hometown are its infrastructure development and the fact that it is a tourist destination in Lakeside, attracting lots of tourists who bring foreign currency.

The sentence incorrectly uses 'their' to refer to 'my hometown' which is singular, so 'its' is correct. 'Home term' is a typo for 'hometown'. The sentence structure is confusing and needs rephrasing for clarity. 'Truck lots of tourists' is incorrect; 'attracting lots of tourists' is appropriate.

× Dear restaurants provide all the facilities for the tourists where they can fulfill their accommodation.

✓ The restaurants provide all the facilities for tourists where they can fulfill their accommodation needs.

'Dear restaurants' is incorrect; likely meant 'The restaurants'. Also, 'fulfill their accommodation' is awkward; 'fulfill their accommodation needs' or 'meet their accommodation requirements' is better. 'The tourists' can be simplified to 'tourists'.

× Since where when I was prone to uh, I get married. I'm here in Pokhara.

✓ Since I got married, I have been living here in Pokhara.

The original sentence is fragmented and unclear. 'Since where when I was prone to uh, I get married' is ungrammatical and confusing. The corrected sentence uses proper tense and structure to express the intended meaning.

× I spend my all the children's memories, time and my younger time in Pokhara.

✓ I spent all my childhood memories and my younger years in Pokhara.

'I spend my all the children's memories' is incorrect and unclear. The correct phrase is 'I spent all my childhood memories' or 'I spent my childhood'. Also, 'my younger time' should be 'my younger years'. The past tense 'spent' fits the context.

× Yes, obviously Bukhara is the best good place for young people where they can get lots of education facilities.

✓ Yes, obviously Pokhara is a very good place for young people where they can access many educational facilities.

'Best good place' is redundant; 'very good place' or 'best place' is correct. 'Education facilities' should be 'educational facilities'. Also, the place name is 'Pokhara', not 'Bukhara'.

× The health sector is very best here.

✓ The health sector is very good here.

'Very best' is incorrect; 'best' is a superlative and does not combine with 'very'. 'Very good' is appropriate here.

× They can get job opportunities because this is the true destination place.

✓ They can get job opportunities because this is a true destination place.

'The true destination place' is incorrect; 'a true destination place' is correct because it is a general statement. Also, 'destination place' is awkward; 'tourist destination' would be better, but kept as is for minimal correction.