Hometown— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Try to make your answer more natural and grammatically correct by avoiding redundancy and improving sentence structure. For example, instead of saying "There is a small village, so this is very beautiful village," you could say "My hometown is a small, beautiful village in Punjab, India."

例: My hometown is a small, beautiful village located in Punjab, India.

提案: Avoid filler words like "umm" and "uh" to make your answer sound more fluent. Also, use linking words to connect your ideas smoothly. For example, you could say, "I like many things about my hometown. Firstly, it has numerous religious places, parks, and gardens. Moreover, the abundant greenery is something I really appreciate."

例: I like many things about my hometown. Firstly, it has numerous religious places, parks, and gardens. Moreover, the abundant greenery is something I really appreciate.

提案: Make your answer clearer and more concise by removing hesitations and improving grammar. For example, you could say, "I don't live there currently, but I lived there for almost 23 years since it is my birthplace."

例: I don't live there currently, but I lived there for almost 23 years since it is my birthplace.

提案: Avoid repeating words and improve sentence structure for clarity. Use linking words to connect ideas logically. For example, "Yes, my hometown is a good place for young people because it has extensive farming and greenery. This provides fresh and healthy food like vegetables and fruits, which is beneficial for their health."

例: Yes, my hometown is a good place for young people because it has extensive farming and greenery. This provides fresh and healthy food like vegetables and fruits, which is beneficial for their health.

× There is a small village, so this is very beautiful village.

✓ There is a small village, and it is a very beautiful village.

The original sentence incorrectly uses 'so' to connect two independent clauses and omits the article 'a' before 'very beautiful village'. The correct conjunction is 'and' to link the ideas properly, and the article 'a' is necessary before the singular noun phrase 'very beautiful village'.

× there are a lot of religious places and uh, parks and gardens, uh, as well as there is a lot of greenery which I most like.

✓ There are a lot of religious places, parks, and gardens, as well as a lot of greenery which I like the most.

The sentence incorrectly mixes plural and singular forms with 'there are' and 'there is' unnecessarily. Also, 'which I most like' is awkward; the correct phrase is 'which I like the most'. The correction simplifies the structure and corrects the superlative placement.

× Actually, these days I am, I am not living there.

✓ Actually, these days I am not living there.

The repetition of 'I am' is redundant and incorrect. The present continuous tense 'I am not living there' correctly expresses the current situation.

× I have lived there almost 23 years 'cause it, it's my birthplace.

✓ I have lived there for almost 23 years because it is my birthplace.

The phrase 'almost 23 years' requires the preposition 'for' to indicate duration. Also, 'cause' should be written as 'because' in formal speech. The phrase 'it, it's' is redundant; 'it is' suffices.

× because because this is a Punjab there are a lot of farming, so farming and a lot of greenery.

✓ because this is Punjab, there is a lot of farming and a lot of greenery.

'Farming' is an uncountable noun and should be used with singular verb 'is'. Also, 'a Punjab' is incorrect; 'Punjab' is a proper noun and does not need an article. The repeated 'because' is redundant.

× According to me this is very good for their health because it have a fresh and clean food, vegetables and fruits.

✓ According to me, this is very good for their health because it has fresh and clean food, vegetables, and fruits.

The subject 'it' requires the singular verb 'has' instead of 'have'. Also, 'a fresh and clean food' is incorrect because 'food' is uncountable and does not take 'a'. Commas are added for clarity.